The contempt being thrown at retail stores — Walmart, specifically — for how lots of people acted crazy on Black Friday a few days ago makes perfect sense.
Clearly, these people — shoppers with free will who voluntarily chose to face large crowds on Thanksgiving Day in order to buy tablets, TVs, a DVD of Family Matters: Season One, or whatever it is tickled their fancy — were innocent victims who had craziness thrust upon them by the evil entity known as Walmart.
As I’m listening to the Christmas-themed musical stylings of Scott Weiland on my iPod, a thought occurred to me:
I would be a horrible rock star.
Seriously, touring the world and playing on stage every night for a capacity crowd? No thank you. I’ll travel the world, but I want to see the sights and sip coffee all day long.
Now, if my fans don’t mind keeping quiet and following me around all day, that might work. In between sips of coffee, I might pick up my guitar and sing a few tunes. Of course, after a few minutes of this I would want to get up and go somewhere else. When I get to my next destination, wherever that may be, I might sing a few more songs.
If I feel like it.
And if my fans aren’t cool with this arrangement, I’ll just cancel the tour. I’ll go on a vacation.
And by “vacation” I mean I’ll tour the world and sip on coffee all day long.
Back in 2009, I wrote — not one, but — two articles discussing entitlement and the way society bends over backwards to hand things to people they did not earn.
(I’m still waiting to receive accolades for writing the two articles, though. Just sayin’. After all, am I not entitled as a human to have praise thrust upon me anytime I do anything, no matter how “meh” that thing might be? I DEMAND PRAISE AND I DEMAND IT NOW!)
I’ve heard it said that a man would swim the ocean just to be with the one he loves.
Perhaps I’m missing the basic point of the message, but why can’t the guy just rent a boat?
Is he too poor?
How can he expect to raise a family if he can’t even round up enough money to rent a boat?
You’d think the guy could at least sneak onto someone else’s boat and hitch a ride.
Of course, the girl he loves would probably just dump him for the guy who had the boat.
Did you know Tom Hanks snagged the lead role in Forrest Gump only because John Travolta turned it down?
It’s difficult to believe, but according to some entertainment slide show on Yahoo it’s 100% true.
Personally, I’m sad it didn’t happen.
Every time I watch Forrest Gump I have the same thought:
“There’s just not enough dancing in this movie.”
Halloween is here. Which means it’s time for pumpkins, kids in costumes, trick or treating, candy, and the annual outbreak of what Special Kind of Stupid researchers have dubbed “Halloween Skankitis.”
Click here to read all about it.
“Kids, gather around,” a liberal tells his two children after each had bathed for the night, brushed their teeth, and put on their gender-neutral attire so as not to influence the gender role he and she will ultimately embrace.
“It’s time to tell a scary story.”
I’ve heard it said that a man would climb a mountain just to be with the one he loves.
Perhaps I’m missing the basic point of the message, but why can’t the girl meet the guy half way?
That would seem like the logical thing to do.
Plus, unless they were going to live on top of the mountain, the girl would have to hike down eventually anyway, right?
Am I missing something?
If monopolies are supposed to be bad, why isn’t there uproar regarding the monopoly scissors have in the workplace?
Staplers have paperclips to keep them in line and vice versa.
As far as writing utensils go, there are pencils, pens of numerous colors and sharpies.
My office phone appears to be a commanding presence at first glance, but two feet away sits my cell phone.
The tape dispenser has thumbtacks and glue sticks to make sure it behaves.
Even post-it notes have “scrap sheets of paper and tape” to worry about.
And then you have scissors.
Scissors have no rival.
I wouldn’t mind, but they’re just so smug about it.
With all the issues plaguing Obamacare’s new baby, the HealthCare.gov website, the contractors who created it are testifying today in a Congressional hearing. Neither the White House nor the contractors want to accept responsibility for the issues, so there likely will be much finger pointing.
Regardless of who is responsible, there is one indisputable fact: They should hire me to fix the website.