Totally Pointless Review: Tom Hanks’ Hair in The Da Vinci Code
by kev on January 19, 2007 

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I am not going to see The Da Vinci Code. My reasoning has nothing to do with the completely ridiculous plot or the fact it’s as sacrilegious as a Madonna music video directed by Rob Zombie.

No, my boycott stems from the flack Tom Hanks’ hairdo is receiving from critics and fans.

His hair in this movie is awesome. To sit in a movie theater and have to endure the taunts audience members will undoubtedly throw at it will be too much for me to bare. You see, I have had a hairdo similar to this one in my lifetime. When critics hurl insults at Tom’s hair, they are hurling insults at me. Tom might be too nice of a guy to defend himself, but I would have no problem slapping people around at a movie theatre if they messed with “the do.”

Why is this hairdo catching so much flack anyway? It’s not like Tom hasn’t sported some questionable haircuts in the past.

Remember Forrest Gump? Not once in that entire movie did someone walk up to Forrest and say, “what is up with your hair, dude?” Isn’t that the logical question to ask someone with that hair when they are offering you a piece of chocolate?

What about his hair in Big? Wasn’t that weird, curly thing he had going on in the front just begging to be mocked?

And what about his movie Joe Versus the Volcano? The man had a curly mullet in that film. A curly mullet!

And don’t even get me started on Castaway. Being stranded on a island is no excuse not to comb your hair. Gilligan was stranded on an island and his hairdo was glorious.

I seem to have gotten off track…

Summary

Rating: 5 Mullets (out of 5)

The Good: Tom’s hair looks magnificent in the previews. Gilligan had wonderful hair. Slapping people can be fun. Free chocolate from strangers is great.

The Bad: People mock what they don’t understand. Curly mullets aren’t becoming. Not making yourself presentable when stranded on an island is just plain lazy.

Final Thought: Don’t mess with “the do.”