When at a singles gathering, it is very important to keep track of the fake names, professions, general details, etc. you give to the people you meet. You don’t want to call yourself “Brad” around a girl you’d met earlier and who thought your name was “Jake.” You’ve got to have a system in place.

For example, to brunettes, you are Ross, a three-time divorced anthropologist. To blondes, you are Joey, an actor who is very fond of sandwhiches. And to red heads, you are Chandler, a sarcastic guy with an eating disorder no one acknowledges and a job no one can remember. I call this one the Friends System. I also like the Seinfeld System, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer System, and the Spongebob Squarepants System. The Spongebob one should only be used when there is an unusually large number of blondes.

Now, if you find a girl who figures out your game and calls you on it, thank your lucky stars. It means you’ve found a keeper. A keeper who watches lots of tv.