I have been giving it a lot of thought and, for various reasons, I have decided that racial profiling is a good thing. I think it has revolutionized the way we hunt and capture terrorists, before they strike. I think it is such an effective tool that we should incorporate profiling to other classes of people.

For example, I believe we should start profiling midgets. This will revolutionize the way we hunt and capture leprechauns. It is only being mildly observant to notice that all leprechauns are of a certain stature. I, for one, will assume a midget is a leprechaun until proven otherwise. If some “little guy” is walking by me singing about the “lolly-pop guild,” I’m going to punch him in the nose, and tell him to take me to his pot of gold. In this manner, I may uncover many Keebler elves, goblins, and underwear gnomes, but I only need to be right once to be one pot of gold richer.

In this plan, we will not only stimulate the economy with a surplus of gold, but we will, perhaps, stifle any uprising the leprechauns, or any small person, may be planning.