Like Alton Brown of Good Eats, I’m not a fan of uni-taskers. Why have a cell phone that can only make and receive calls when you can have one that’s also a music player and camera? Why have shoes that only go with khakis when you can have shoes that go with khakis, jeans, shorts and speedos? Why go to a dentist when you can go to someone that specializes in dentistry, rhinoplasty and cuts hair on the side?

As multi-taskers go, Hugo Boss cologne isn’t too shabby. This past weekend, a spider was crawling on my ceiling. With no bug spray around, I grabbed my Hugo Boss and gave the spider a couple sprays. It took several hours before the spider died, but in the meantime he smelled quite nice.

In college, I had an annoying dormmate who ate tuna every single day. To drown out the tuna smell in our dorm, I would spray my Hugo Boss cologne. Besides masking the tuna smell, it had the added benefit of causing my annoying dormmate to have an allergic reaction. You haven’t experienced true comedy until you’ve heard someone who sounds like Lurch from the Adams’ Family say, “your Hugo Boss is burning my skin.”

My other experiments dealing with the versatility of Hugo Boss cologne had mixed results: Hugo Boss cologne as a mouthwash? Bad idea. Hugo Boss cologne as pepper spray? It burned my neighbor’s eyes quite nicely. Hugo Boss cologne as a salt substitute on food? Rest in peace, hobo/guinea pig. Hugo Boss cologne as an overly expensive form of fuel? I’ll let you know the results as soon as my neighbor’s car gets back from the mechanic.

All in all, Hugo Boss cologne didn’t meet my expectations as a true multi-tasker. However, as a cologne and college dormmate repellent, I have to say it’s pretty good.

Summary: Giving annoying dormmates rashes is funny. Barbers who dabble in rhinoplasty and dentistry are bargains. Do not drink Hugo Boss cologne. “Speedos” is a funny world. The smell of tuna reminds me of how much I hate tuna.

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