Fred Durst Missing, Police Unconcerned
by kev on March 30, 2007 

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LOS ANGELES, CA - After he had not been seen or heard from in ages, the last two members of the Fred Durst Fanclub have filed a missing persons report on the singer (pictured) of Limp Bizkit, a musical group that was inexplicably popular in the late 1990s and early 2000s.

Last seen in the awful music video for the awful remake of “Behind Blue Eyes” on the awful soundtrack to the awful 2003 Halle Berry movie Gothika, Durst’s disappearance has been met with indifference, laughter and high fives in the Los Angeles Police Department.

“Look, it would be impossible to interrogate everyone who would have liked to see Fred Durst disappear,” said Police Chief Wes Borland just before a cooler of Gatoraide was splattered over his head.

“But we will do our job nonetheless,” Borland continued. “If nothing else, I want to buy whomever did it a drink and shake his hand.”

While it originally debuted on my blog, this article was revised and later published at Associated Content on August 14, 2007. You can go read it here.