How I Once Wrote a Research Paper on How to Write Research Papers
by kev on April 17, 2007 

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The following is a story I told (to their dismay) quite often to my students during my former days as a high school teacher. It’s a story of procrastination, creative writing, genius, insomnia and caffeine. It was both a warning to my students about what happens when you procrastinate, and a “could your teacher be any smarter” story I’m sure they found oh so impressive. It’s a story that will, if nothing else, burn the next five minutes of your life. It’s the story of how I once wrote a research paper on how to write research papers.

During the end of my freshman year in college, my very first computer class assigned an 8-page research paper for the end of the semester. The topic had to be about technology in some way, shape or form. Since my academic drive did not kick into gear until after my sophomore year, I completely forgot about this paper until the weekend before it was due. Specifically, I remembered it at approximately 8:00 PM on a Sunday. It was due the following morning at 9:00 AM.

Knowing I was in trouble, I tried to think of a topic about technology. Microsoft? Not original. e-Commerce? I didn’t know very much about it at the time. The history of computers? No, that would take too long to research. I needed a topic I could research fast; preferably, a topic where I already had the information. Glancing down at my desk, I saw the research paper on World War One I’d written my first semester in college. “If I only I could use the information in there,” I thought to myself. Then I got an idea.

I would write about how the Internet has impacted the lives of students when it came to writing research papers. I would write about two fictional students, both of whom were writing a paper on World War One. The first student did his research at the library; the second did his research via the Internet. Using quotes and historical facts I had already gathered in my earlier paper, I would show how Student #2 was able to do more research at a faster clip thanks to the Internet.

Even though it read more like a creative writing essay than a research paper for a computer class, my professor loved it. It was creative, humorous, littered with tons of researched facts, and it was about technology. He gave me an “A” on it.

My paper itself might have deserved a good grade, but my efforts did not warrant it. If karma were real, I would have failed. I had procrastinated. BIG TIME. But thankfully, I learned my lesson. I knew I was fortunate to receive the grade I did, and that God was giving me a break. That paper marked the beginning of my “procrastination is bad” campaign.

I survived college, teaching, coaching and graduate school because I made it my mission not to procrastinate. I designed my teaching curriculum around helping my students break the procrastination habit I had such difficulty breaking. I would assign projects I estimated would take only two or three evenings to complete, and then I would give them two, three, or four weeks to complete it. I wanted the projects to be something nearly impossible to finish the weekend before they were due. Those who started early thought the projects were as easy as can be. Those who waited until the night before starting would often fail.

Without my knowing it, I’m sure I had teachers in high school who also tried to break us of procrastination. In my case it didn’t work. I needed to get to college to learn my lesson. But I’m hopeful I helped at least one student. I hope someday I will stumble across a blog that talks about how the person learned to stop procrastinating after her research paper on hamburgers wasn’t accepted by her computer teacher.

I hope.