Gas Boycott to Solve World’s Problems
by kev on May 14, 2007 

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ATLANTA, GA - A national, one-day boycott of purchasing gasoline is planned for March 15 in an effort organizers hope will “lower gas prices once and for all,” according to John Teller, a stay-at-home dad who has been forwarding email announcements for the boycott to everyone he knows.

“There are 73,000,000-plus Americans currently on the Internet network, and the average car takes about $30 to $50 to fill up,” said Teller using numbers his friend Bob had forwarded him. “If all users did not go to the pump on May 15th, it would take $2,292,000,000 out of the rich oil company’s pockets!”

“It is time we consumers took a stand,” remarked boycott originator Melissa Raymond as she put $60 of gasoline into her SUV in preparation for tomorrow’s boycott. “If we don’t do something, when will it end? What’s to stop oil companies from raising gas prices to $4, $5, or $10?”

“Excuse me for one minute,” Raymond asked reporters. “I need to call my parents and remind them to buy gasoline on May 16 instead of 15.”

The boycott is not without its critics.

“This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard,” remarked common sense expert Kevin Dugan.

“People aren’t buying less gasoline, they are simply buying the same amount on a different day. How exactly will that help? Any money the oil companies might lose on the 15th will be more than made up for by the boycotting-yahoos buying their gas on the 14th or 16th.”

Still, Raymond is not fazed and says the boycott will go on.

“Critics who make fun of other people’s insane ideas are just jealous because they aren’t able to come up with their own insane ideas,” remarked Raymond.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need put up this sign that tells people who were planning on buying gasoline tomorrow to buy it today instead.”