Twins Reunited by Awesome Dude and Awesome Dude’s Brother
by kev on August 31, 2007 

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In a discovery that has shocked the scientific community, identical twins Heath Clark and Matt Birnie, who have different biological fathers and mothers and were born nearly two years apart, have been reunited.

Their reunion is one for the storybooks. It all began when a man known simply as Tim was browsing his awesome brother Kevin’s blog. “Even though we rent a house together, I like to read his hilarious blog entries from time to time during my lunch break at work,” Tim said. “He’s a comedic genius.”

“It’s true,” Kevin was quoted as saying. “I am a comedic genius.”

It was while looking through some of Kevin’s old entries that Tim discovered a picture that caught his eye. “I saw a picture of a guy that looked exactly like my friend Heath Clark,” Tim said. “I sent Kevin an email asking him where he found that picture of Heath. He responded back saying that the picture was of someone named Matt Birnie.”

“It’s true,” Kevin said. “I did say that.”

After a few more email exchanges, Tim and Kevin came to the realization that Heath and Matt were two different people. “Naturally, we came to the only logical conclusion anyone could make in such a situation,” said Kevin.

“Matt and Heath were identical twins who needed to be reunited.”

Once it was announced, news of their discovery spread like wildfire. Initially, no one wanted to believe two people born two years apart from different fathers and mothers could be identical twins. Scientists quickly stepped forward announcing the two men could not possibly be twins because it was not scientifically possible.

“But once we showed people their pictures, the critics quickly went away,” said Tim.

“Scientific mumbo jumbo just doesn’t measure up when you’re shown pictures of two people who look exactly alike,” Kevin surmised.

The news was met with mixed reactions from Heath and Matt.

“What is wrong with all of you people,” Heath yelled to reporters as they swarmed around him in a Taco Bell parking lot. “It is impossible for the two of us to be twins. I’m two years older than him, for crying out loud!”

“We don’t even have the same blood type,” Matt responded when asked for a comment. “If he’s not a suitable organ donor in case I ever need a kidney, what good is he? Sure, I suppose he and I could play some funny jokes on my girlfriend, but that would get old after a year or two.”

Dr. Regina Phillange of the Twins Must Be Reunited Institute in Cheyenne, Wyoming spearheaded the effort to reunite Heath and Matt. “Twins must be reunited,” Dr. Phillange was quoted as saying. “Whether they want to be or not, Matt and Heath will be reunited. If anyone fights me on this, I will beat them down. Seriously. Does anyone think I’m playing? Just try me.”

Partly due to curiosity but mostly due to fear of receiving a massive beat down, Heath and Matt agreed to meet each other in Fort Valley, Georgia, Heath’s hometown.

“It probably would have made more sense to have them meet at a half-way point in Missouri since Matt lives in Nebraska, but Tim and I didn’t want to have to travel,” said Kevin. “Fort Valley is only like thirty minutes away from us. Plus, we got Dr. Phillange to make Heath pay for our gas.”

Finally, Heath and Matt met face to face. Reporters from around the world were there to document every exchange of this landmark reunion.

“What’s up,” Matt asked.

“Not much,” Heath responded.

“So…you look like me,” Matt replied.

“Yep,” said Heath.

“It’s moments like this one that make life worth living,” Tim commented as Heath and Matt were forced to hug for photographers.

“If I could cry, this is where my tears would be,” responded Kevin as he pointed to his eyes.

This article is from my Xanga Archives
It was originally published on July 19, 2006