When I Sneeze, I Turn Into Brad Pitt
by kev on September 12, 2007 

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I have a dilemma on my hands.

Since I moved to my new office earlier this year, I have come into contact with someone or something that I am allergic to. At home, no sneezing. At work, it’s Sneezapalooza. I sneeze so hard and so often, co-workers are afraid to bring their small children into the building for fear I will scare and/or injure them. There is also the little matter of it being difficult to get your work done when you are sneezing every 2.81 seconds.

So where’s the dilemma? Unlike everyone else in the world, I look good when I sneeze.

It’s true. Granted, I have been unable to visually confirm this since my eyes are closed when I sneeze (and even if they weren’t, my image does not reflect in mirrors), but I have it on good authority I am one handsome devil when I do one of my patented “having to sneeze at the exact moment I am drinking coffee” tricks. True, the individual who stated it had that creepy “stalker” vibe about him, but a compliment’s a compliment.

You know how sometimes you feel a sneeze coming, you prepare for it (even getting your hand ready to cover your mouth and nose), and then nothing happens? If you’ve ever seen someone do this, you know how silly it looks. That is, except when I do it. When I do it, I might as well be posing for a magazine photographer. How else do you explain the multiple co-workers who have taken pictures of me in the act with their cell phones?

What’s a guy to do?

Do I buy some Flonase to keep the sneezing fits at bay, or do I keep a zip lock bag of pollen on me at all times? Do I choose a healthy work environment, or do I embrace a world of germy goodness?

Do I keep the male model inside me trapped, or do I set him free?

It’s like Sophie’s Choice…whatever that means.