I know what you are thinking right now.

“I wonder how many times Kev has eaten Chinese food for lunch the past two years?”

Wonder no more, my friend. The answer is fifteen. I have eaten Chinese food fifteen times for lunch in the past two years. I know this for two reasons: 1) my memory is that awesome, and 2) I have not cleaned my desk in two years and all of the fortunes from my fortune cookies are in one of my desk drawers.

Now, you’re probably wondering what message was on each of those fifteen fortunes. My, aren’t you the curious one. I like that about you. Okay, I’ll give you a few.

Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.

Well, I did give a homeless man $5 at an Atlanta Hawks game one time. And this one time, in college, I got a 99 on a paper and was really bummed that I didn’t get a 100.

Cookies go stale. Fortunes are forever.

This one is too deep for me to even make a comment.

You need not worry about your future.

Well, that’s a load off. I guess this means I can blow my savings/retirement and buy William Shatner’s toupee on eBay. I can finally live the dream.

The next full moon brings an enchanting evening.

Does this mean…I’m going to meet and fall in love with a werewolf?

You will be awarded some great honor.
Keep up the good work. You’ll soon be rewarded.
Good things are coming in due course time.

Wow, three different fortunes with the same general theme. This can only mean one thing: That Best Blog of All Time award is mine!

Life to you is a dashing and bold adventure.

And how!

Considered to be a fairly logical and level-headed individual, I bring a critic’s eye to most things. However, the accuracy of these fortunes compels me to state, without pause or apprehension, that the individual who wrote these fortunes is a spot-on, psychic genius.

Of course, this also means his/her “werewolf” prediction is true. Wow. Okay, the next full moon is on September 26. I should get her a gift. Should I buy a box of chocolates, or just run over a squirrel or something?

Thoughts?