I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
It’s time for a rant…
Call it an unfair generalization if you must, but everyone else in the world stinks at parking.
Seriously, folks. How difficult is it to place your vehicle squarely between two lines? On the list of “things that are hard to do,” parking your vehicle ranks somewhere between “not stabbing yourself when spreading butter on bread” and “blinking.”
It’s one thing if you have a gigantic SUV or van and have difficulty leaving sufficient space between the lines for the vehicles next to you. Some of these vehicles are so large (and the spaces so small), there is only so much a driver can do. Not so surprisingly, drivers of these vehicles are usually self aware and do their best to leave other vehicles room. If their first parking attempt isn’t successful, they will reverse, straighten their wheels, and try again.
But then again, some do not.
Bad parking jobs seem to have no common theme other than being done by people who are not me. It doesn’t matter if you have a small vehicle or a large one, are young or old, or are a Democrat or a Republican – no one, apparently, can properly park their vehicle! It would be funny if it weren’t so incredibly, incredibly sad.
I get to work in the morning only to discover my usual parking place is unusable because a sedan parked next to it has its rear tire partly over the line. I go to the grocery store and witness parking place after parking place being abused by drivers who apparently think parking is the same as playing a game of horseshoes or making lemonade (“it’s close enough”). I go to my parent’s place and see that my brother has decided to forgo that whole “parking in the driveway” thing and opted to park sideways in the front yard. It’s madness. Simply madness.
Seriously, does it really take that much skill? Am I really that gifted and unique by being able to master such a seemingly uncomplicated task? And if I am that gifted and parking is that difficult to do, what other gifts do I possess that the common person does not? Can I fly? Can I walk and chew gum at the same time? Can I watch Rachael Ray on TV and not have a brain aneurysm?
I am modifying my long-standing belief that no one under the age of 18 should be allowed to drive. Now, it’s my belief that no one who is not me should be allowed to drive.
Who’s with me?!?
;-) 9.28.07 at 4:27 pm:
*chirp* *chirp* *chirp* *chirp* *chirp* *chirp*
;-) 9.28.07 at 5:11 pm:
I am for you chauffeuring me everywhere.
;-) 9.28.07 at 5:45 pm:
I will send you a photo of the worst parking job I have ever seen. I will send it to your Myspace, unless there is a way to send you a picture comment on here?
;-) 9.29.07 at 8:01 am:
I know of no better way to say “I’m an ass” than to take two spaces. Die, crooked parkers, die!
;-) 9.29.07 at 10:03 am:
I like to drive right into the store and park in the bakery section. I do try to keep between the donoughts and the fresh bread though…
;-) 9.29.07 at 10:19 am:
I think that first picture shows an intelligent person.
There were probably no spaces left and he made a space. By the looks of it, it fits too!
My absolute favorite is when people double park behind me and prevent you and thus prevent me from getting out. I just love the thirty minute wait until the owner of the offending vehicle returns.
You should try car parking in South Korea. There are grossly insufficent parking spaces available and people just park anywhere – the street, the footpath, behind someone else – anywhere.
The police, aware that there is too little (legal) parking available, simply do nothing.
Cheers
Andrew
;-) 9.29.07 at 3:05 pm:
Kev- you may have seen this already, but just in case, it’s probably the coolest site in the world (except for yours)(and maybe mine).
http://www.youparklikeanasshole.com/
;-) 9.29.07 at 6:08 pm:
Kev – you’re bringing up bad memories and giving me an eye twitch…where’s the wine?
;-) 10.1.07 at 11:05 am:
And why is it always the people with the big, expensive cars? You’d think it would be the people with crappy old cars, who don’t care if someone hits them.
;-) 10.2.07 at 11:50 am:
Crickets: I’ll take that as a “maybe.”
Josh: Okay, but you have to sit in the back seat. There’s about two inches of leg room. That’s plenty, right?
Angi: Sending the photo to the evil entity known as MySpace works for me. Exactly how bad is it?
Kathy: The only thing comparable, I think, is wearing one of those Bluetooth headsets on your ear in public. But then again, I’ve already made my feelings known on that particular act of insanity…
VE: You, sir, are a humanitarian. I bet you even tip the valet (i.e. guy who works in the bakery section).
Andrew: I do believe such an environment would drive me mad. Welcome to the site, by the way!
Frogster: Wow, there’s a site for virtually everything!
Chelsea: I wouldn’t recommend pouring wine into your eye. If anything, it will make the twitch worse…
Diesel: I’m pretty sure people with big, expensive cars have to take an oath after making the purchase. “I solemnly swear to be a pain in the butt to my fellow drivers” or something to that effect. You got to hand it to them, though – they take those oaths seriously.
;-) 10.4.07 at 5:08 pm:
In my experience, the culprits are more often older drivers. However, I have spent most of my life in California, so you may do with that information what you will.
;-) 10.7.07 at 6:20 pm:
That was a great post. As much as I’d like to blame the drivers, I also have an issue with businesses that try to cram in 20 parking spots in an area that can only fit 15.
;-) 4.14.09 at 10:28 am:
[...] everyone else in the world is incapable of correctly parking their vehicles. To be specific, I dedicated an entire blog post to the topic back in September [...]