As many of you know, web design is a hobby of mine.

As such, you might be wondering why I chose to take an already existing WordPress template and turn it upside down on its head rather that just create one of my own from scratch? Well, one, I’m lazy. Two, it gave me the opportunity to both create and destroy. I destroyed the old template as I breathed life into a new one. I’m like a taxidermist who runs over squirrels in his car.

Anyway, even though I have designed web pages “on the side” for people for a number of years, I’m just now requiring clients to sign legal contracts. Up to this point, I’ve always designed websites for people I know. No legal mumbo jumbo necessary.

But now, as I slowly take on clients who are strangers to me, I need legally-binding contracts.

As a lawyer, which I will be with four more years of school and a passing bar exam grade, I sat down in front of my computer and began drawing up a website design contract. Two minutes later, I fell asleep.

Legaleeze is boring. And if it puts me to sleep writing it, surely it would put to asleep a prospective client who reads it. And since it is difficult to get sleeping clients to sign contracts, I knew I had to mix it up a little.

For every paragraph like the following…

The above-named CLIENT is engaging the above-named DEVELOPER as an independent contractor for the specific purpose of developing a website for the CLIENT’S company.

…you need a paragraph like this one:

Upon completion of project, DEVELOPER demands 27 grape jelly beans. If CLIENT delivers grape jelly beans in a number that does not equal 27, or if CLIENT delivers any number of jelly bean that is not grape in flavor, CLIENT will owe DEVELOPER $1,000,000,000 and 28 grape jelly beans.

Is it professional? Well, no.

Is it funny? Absolutely.

And if I’m lucky, I’ll cross paths with a client who does not read the fine print. And you know what that means…

I could soon be enjoying 28 grape jelly beans.