I’d Like to Deposit This Check… and Get Your Number
by kev on November 21, 2007 

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Banks are sneaky.

It’s become obvious to me that the management at my local bank reads my blog. Am I surprised? Well, no. My blog is awesome and incredibly funny - who wouldn’t want to read it? Still, I am a bit taken aback by the fact my bank is using information disclosed on my blog to lure me into giving them more of my money.

It started off very subtle.

1. The bank is on my way to work. This makes my getting lost on the way to the bank almost impossible. Is it a coincidence they chose to build the bank at such a convenient location? I highly doubt it.

2. The parking places are very wide. This makes the likelihood of my having to park next to someone incapable of parking their vehicle between the two lines much, much lower.

3. Once inside the bank, I never have to wait in line for more than a minute. This significantly decreases the chances of my becoming trapped in line with unsupervised, quasi-evil children.

I discovered their latest and most blatant trick while dropping off a deposit during my lunch break today.

I walked through the outside door of the bank and just as I was about to reach for the interior door a bank employee just happened to walk by, saw me coming and held the door open for me. This employee was a twenty-something, cute-as-a-button female who managed to give me three different greetings - one before I told her “thank you” and two after - in a span of five seconds.

I walked up to the waiting area to discover there was no one else in line. I was able to go right up to the front.

In front of me were six work stations with five bank employees. Each employee was twenty-something, cute as a button and female. Just then a sixth employee walked up to the sixth station and asked, “may I help you?”

This was the same employee who had opened the door for me. She greets me with a, “hi… again!”

I do believe I was smitten. How do I know? Because her name tag said “Brandi” and yet I refrained from making a sarcastic comment about the “i” at the end. Instead I smiled, said “hello” and handed her my deposit slip.

Very clever, Mr. Bank.

You know I like cute females, so you hire a staff of cute females. You know I despise people who cannot park, so you make it nearly impossible to park badly. You know unsupervised, misbehaving children tend to get to me, so you make the wait in line as short as possible. And you know that I am incredibly, incredibly directionally challenged, so you make your bank easy for me to find.

Bravo.

You obviously have no idea who you’re dealing with.

You see, I am also frugal. I am not going to just give you my money. I’m not going to take out a loan I don’t need. Not a chance, no way, no how.

I will, however, drop by the bank every day during lunch to pass the time…

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Travel safely, break a leg and all that good stuff.