I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
“He’s trying to destroy my son. ALL of you are!” – parent of one of my former students
I am not yet married. I have no children. For many, these facts render my point of view regarding anything to do with parenthood irrelevant and totally useless. That might be true. Of course, I think these facts also mean that I am detached and impartial. If you combine these with my having been a high school teacher and coach for three years, positions that required me to be a sometimes unwilling participant in the parent-child dynamic, I think I have an unique perspective on the topic.
So what’s my perspective? Sadly, I believe too many parents and children are out of their freakin’ minds.
“A word coach,” a parent asks me.
“This really isn’t a good time,” I respond. “We’re about to start the second game (of the double header).”
“I hear you aren’t starting (my son). Is that true?”
“Yes, that’s true,” I reply.
“Can I ask why,” the parent barked at me.
“You already know why. He didn’t hustle. He forgot how many outs there were. Then he didn’t hustle again.”
“This is completely ridiculous,” the parent complained. “He’s your best player. This is why we get our butts kicked. I’m trying to recruit players from other teams to come to this school, but it’s impossible with (crap) like this.”
“You’re right,” I respond. “It is ridiculous. It’s ridiculous that your son didn’t hustle, but instead of supporting me and telling your son to hustle you’re attacking me. Quite frankly, if these players you’re trying to recruit exert the same amount of effort on the field as your son did today, I don’t want them.”
“The A. D. (Athletic Director) will hear about this,” the parent threatened.
“What are you going to tell him? That I treat all my players the same, no matter how good they are? That I expect my players to hustle and give 100%? Go ahead, he might give me a raise.”
I can hear the crickets chirping. “Isn’t this a humor blog,” some might be asking. Well, yes. There’s humor in all of this, but it’s not “ha, ha…that’s funny” humor as much as it’s “oh, no…civilization is doomed” humor.
Obviously, this is a touchy subject. Parents should be there for their children. They should stand up for their children. They should always have their children’s backs. They should love their children unconditionally.
But they shouldn’t be enablers for their children.
“He’s going to flunk my daughter. You have to stop him,” a parent pleaded to the high school principal as I sat a few feet away.
“May I,” I ask the principal, requesting permission to speak.
“Just so I’m clear,” I continued, “you believe I am trying to make your daughter fail my class?”
“You are,” the mom shouts.
“So you’re saying that even though I assigned this project to the class four months ago and your daughter didn’t start, by her own admission, to work on it until six days ago, if she fails it’s because I’m trying to fail her?
I’m not sure how or why, but sometime between my graduating from high school and coming back to my high school alma mater as a teacher after college, students – and parents – changed.
Maybe it’s always been this way, but I honestly don’t think so. I wasn’t like this, my parents weren’t like this, my friends weren’t like this, and their parents weren’t like this. No one I knew was like this.
Studying harder (or simply just not caring) when you get a bad grade has been replaced by blaming the bad grade on your teacher. Telling your child to study harder after he comes home with a bad grade has been replaced by blaming the teacher for being unclear, incompetent or having too high expectations.
Owning up to the fact you really deserved the detention given to you has been replaced by telling your parents you didn’t do anything wrong. Grounding your child for getting in trouble at school has been replaced by completely buying her, “the teacher doesn’t like me” defense.
Accountability has been replaced by telling lies and half truths about your teachers. Using common sense has been replaced by supporting your child no matter how insane or outlandish their claims.
“This is merely a formality,” the high school principal assures me. “But could you tell me your side of the Johnny Fakename incident?”
“Well,” I said. “I was giving the day’s lecture when Johnny got out of his seat, put a book on top of his head and walked around the room.”
“Why do you ask? What did Johnny say happened?”
“He said,” the principal began, “that you announced to the entire class that you hated him. And that even though he hadn’t done anything wrong, you were going to give him a detention so that his parents would ground him.”
“And his parents believe him,” I ask.
“Sadly,” the principal sighed, “yes they do.”
Sanity has been replaced by insanity.
Lord help us all.
With this post written, I have now met my 2007 quota for “serious” posts.
My quota? One.
;-) 12.20.07 at 3:12 pm:
Sad, but true. Sad, but not surprising anymore.
I think Carlos Mencia does a stand-up routine about the progression of lowering the standards…it’s pretty funny. I bet you could find it on YouTube or something.
Ah, to be back in the good old days, when an “F” on a test meant no cartoons for a month…
;-) 12.20.07 at 4:09 pm:
It’s all a part of this new entitlement complex, and the everything is fair shit.
It’s the older generation of parents that are the enablers. They believe this ultra liberal entitlement bullshit is helping.
Well, they’ll be dead and we’ll be the poor schmucks that have to live under this new generation of children who will be our leaders. The whiny, bitchy, entitled ultra liberal leaders.
May some sort of deity help us all, and send the people at fault to some sort of really hot place.
My one serious comment for 2007.
;-) 12.20.07 at 11:40 pm:
Didn’t you hear? Children aren’t allowed to fail any more. Now they experience “deferred success.” No one has to accept responsibility for their actions any more. Now everyone is “mentally ill” and can’t help that they do the things they do. Everyone is entitled to whatever they want, no matter who has to pay the price and no matter what the cost, even if it’s raising a bunch of selfish, drugged up fiends – Future of America comin at ya, full speed ahead!
;-) 12.21.07 at 7:50 am:
Gosh, you guys must all be 30 — you’re all a bunch of grumpy old people!
Actually, I agree wholeheartedly. Those parents’ comments are simply unbelievable. Then again, so are yours, Kev: did you really get all up “in their grill” like that? You’re a tough-talking son-of-a-gun!
;-) 12.21.07 at 11:31 am:
@Angi: I’ll have to look for that on YouTube this weekend. Now that I’m not teaching, I can look at it all and laugh. But at the time, parents/students like this drove me batty.
@Mike: That’s why I say we all move to Canada. Who’s with me??
@Angie: Your comment is simultaneously funny, true and sad. If I needed yet another reason to be saving for retirement, the notion that these kids will be taking care of me in my old age if I don’t save for retirement is all the reason I need.
@Steve: As you know, I’m laid back. I let people say their peace. But it also isn’t foreign for me to give a sarcastic jab from time to time. The examples above were – sadly – all too real. In fact, I said many, many more things to the mother in the second example. It still makes my head hurt to think back on that meeting…
;-) 12.21.07 at 12:53 pm:
This is why I am not a teacher. Okay, that’s not the only reason. Bbut I would go completely insane dealing with parents like that. Ugh. Just reading about it makes me mad.
P.S. Our break room was out of french vanilla creamer today. I had to use hazelnut! Extremely subpar.
;-) 12.21.07 at 2:45 pm:
I’m telling you…this wouldn’t be happening if parents followed my motto (and soon to be parenting book) “Stifle Their Dreams, Early and Often”.
Parents just don’t practice the tried and true work of stomping on dreams and dashing hopes anymore.
Chapter one of my book will detail the first in my 12 step program…namely allowing your children to believe there is a santa claus until they are 5, and promptly telling them on their 5th birthday that “Santa Claus is dead and will no longer bring them presents. Their temper tantrum at the Walmart earlier killed santa and all his elves. Bummer for you kid…you ruined Christmas for everyone”. So, when their parents get them a subpar gift the next year for Christmas the kid is grateful to get anything at all, and if they complain that it’s a crappy gift you can remind them that if they wouldn’t have killed santa, maybe he would have gotten the gift he really wanted.
I’m sure my book will sell just as many copies as the long anticipated parenting book being put out by Brittany and Jamie Lyn Spear’s mom
;-) 12.21.07 at 6:42 pm:
Oh, wow, I agree with Stacy wholeheartedly. That’s something parents could use for the rest of their childrens’ lives. When those children are agonizing over what to buy their own children for Christmas the parents could just remind them (again) that if they hadn’t killed Santa when they were five he would be shopping for their kids.
;-) 12.21.07 at 10:15 pm:
OK, so here is that YouTube clip if you want to watch it. DON’T watch it if you’re offended by language, though…he likes to curse a lot. But he makes a good point. Anyway…here’s the link if you want it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtLcUUjDnK8&feature=related
;-) 12.22.07 at 2:05 pm:
Ya know, I’m not a violent person. But there are some people I’d like to stab in the knee cap with a ball point pen.
And I appreciate and support Pres. Bush, but “No Child Left Behind” is lame. At my job, I enter information into a database. I do the best I can to make sure that my research and data entry results in useful, accurate information. But if upper management sits on their hands and doesn’t try to SELL the product to the customer alot of freakin’ good my accuracy does. A teacher can teach his heart out, but when the info. is going in one ear and out the other he should not be held accountable for the student’s stupidity. Yes, I believe there are kids out there who are downright stupid. And to their parents I would say “monkey see, monkey do.”
;-) 12.26.07 at 1:55 pm:
Lest we forget about the case of one parent beating a coach to death in Green Bay over a pee wee hockey game where said coach didn’t start his son
;-) 12.27.07 at 1:08 pm:
It never ceases to amaze me that the very people who should NOT be raising children are the ones who have them and the thoughtful ones such as yourself are still single without children. (found you through DrowseyMonkey – you are hysterical to read. Thanks!!!)