Exactly two years ago, at my old blog, I wrote a short, Valentine’s Day post that turned out to be extremely controversial. One person even booed me. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt. I’d also be lying if I said I didn’t cry myself to sleep the following few weeks. Awesome people have feelings too, you know. Of course, if anyone ever asks me about it, I’ll swear up and down that I just had something in my eye.

Time, in addition to being what turns kittens into cats, has given me perspective on the matter. Now, 730 days later, I can republish the post and analyze its fallout.

Here is the post in question. It’s dated February 13, 2006.

With Valentine’s Day here, I felt inspired to present two different messages. One for the guys, one for the girls. Note: Please do not read the other gender’s message.

For the Guys

A relationship should not be about mind games and control – it should be about partnership and respect. Unfortunately, this is a lesson that women can only learn if men take the upper hand and teach them by messing with their heads.

For the Girls

You’re all very pretty.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

For the longest time, I could not understand why anyone would be offended by this post. For the guys, I gave great advice. For the girls, I gave a great compliment. What’s to get upset about?

And then it dawned on me.

Even though I clearly requested that guys should only read the guy part of the post and girls should only read the girl part of the post, some people must have read both parts!

I’m not certain what percentage of my readers are transvestites, but assuming the number is less than 10% it means several of my readers, including all who heckled me, read both parts without permission.

And yet, in these people’s minds, I’m in the wrong?

I’m not sure I want to live in a world where you can ask someone to “please” not do something, and when they do it anyway you are the person who did something wrong. Hey buddy, I told you not to do it, didn’t I?

If I told these same people to “please” not jump off a bridge, would they curse my name as they traveled through the air on the way down to the ground? If I told these people not to sit on the first row at a Gallagher concert, would they get mad at me when chunks of watermelon got all over their clothes?

Frankly, I just don’t know anymore.

Humor-blogs knows that I’m joking. Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!