by kev on February 20, 2008
Today’s installment of Dear Reader goes out to someone very special. At 3:14 pm on February 18, 2008, a visitor from Chepachet, Rhode Island, stumbled upon this site after typing the following into a search engine:
“A real spell to make you have anything you want at that moment”
A big thanks to ask.com for referring this most special individual.
Dear Reader,
At first, I was a bit taken aback by the method in which you discovered my site. But then I remembered what it says on my resume under Special Skills:
- Considerable experience working in a group dynamic
- Very good at time management
- Able to cast magic spells
I always forget that last one…
This is a talent I don’t exactly publicize, so kudos to ask.com for sending you my way. Google gets all the press and accolades, but does it know that I am a powerful magician? I highly doubt it.
Like most magicians, I acquired my skills by watching the wonderful and mystical Buffy the Vampire Slayer for seven seasons on television. Also, I’m related to David Copperfield.
Since you came to me for guidance, I’m assuming you don’t have the cash to buy the Collector’s Set of Buffy at Amazon.com, right?
I can also assume, since I have banished all kin to the Phantom Zone because they posed a threat to my master plan, that you are not related to David Copperfield. If you are related, please meet me behind the Burger King on Watson tomorrow night at seven o’clock. Come alone.
Where was I? Oh yes, helping you.
Ideally, you would have at least seen an episode of Buffy. Preferably, an episode in season four or later. That’s when Spike became a regular cast member and the show really got going.
Assuming that’s not the case, I’ll have to start you out very slowly. *
First, you’re going to need an aluminum pan and a spoon. Make sure it is a wooden spoon, though. Silver spoons, much like the 80’s TV show of the same name, do not mesh with magic.
Next, you’re going to need to grease the bottom of the pan with butter. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
Next, follow the instructions on back of your Betty Crocker Brownie Mix box. Mix the ingredients together in a bowl and add them to your aluminum pan.
Bake and enjoy.
And that’s all there is to it. No thanks necessary, I’m just glad I could help you. Just please promise me that you will not use what I’ve taught you for evil.
Magically yours,
kev
* This magic spell only works if the thing you want at that moment is a plate of chocolate brownies.
Humor-blogs believes in the Orlando Magic.

(2 votes, 3.5 avg)















February 20th, 2008 at 11:46 pm:
I can do magic.
like if i drink milk and then laugh hard it’ll come outta my nose.
honest!
February 21st, 2008 at 3:07 pm:
@Josh: Ye be playing with the dark magics, me friend. Is dangerous waters ye be swimming in. Tread lightly, or ye may be lost to us forever.
Side note: Evidently, dark magic makes me say “ye” a lot.
February 21st, 2008 at 6:21 pm:
Naturally, Kev, that’s why it’s called “dark” magic.
Actually, Josh, truth be told, I’m pretty sure that when milk comes out of your nose, it’s not your magic doing it. Beware devilishly clever felines.
February 22nd, 2008 at 12:04 pm:
I made Roseanne Barr’s career disappear….poof!
February 25th, 2008 at 6:18 pm:
wow ur amazing i never would of thought about that
February 26th, 2008 at 1:38 pm:
I can cause hiccups in any person at any time by rubbing my chin.
As long as, if you want to get technical about it, that person is me.
February 26th, 2008 at 1:47 pm:
Wow, your magic works every time.
Of course my never-ceasing need for brownies baffles psychiatrists and nutritionists alike, but as long as it works…