Today’s installment of Dear Reader goes out to someone very special. At 3:14 pm on February 18, 2008, a visitor from Chepachet, Rhode Island, stumbled upon this site after typing the following into a search engine:

“A real spell to make you have anything you want at that moment”

A big thanks to ask.com for referring this most special individual.

Dear Reader,

At first, I was a bit taken aback by the method in which you discovered my site. But then I remembered what it says on my resume under Special Skills:

• Considerable experience working in a group dynamic
• Very good at time management
• Able to cast magic spells

I always forget that last one…

This is a talent I don’t exactly publicize, so kudos to ask.com for sending you my way. Google gets all the press and accolades, but does it know that I am a powerful magician? I highly doubt it.

Like most magicians, I acquired my skills by watching the wonderful and mystical Buffy the Vampire Slayer for seven seasons on television. Also, I’m related to David Copperfield.

Since you came to me for guidance, I’m assuming you don’t have the cash to buy the Collector’s Set of Buffy at Amazon.com, right?

I can also assume, since I have banished all kin to the Phantom Zone because they posed a threat to my master plan, that you are not related to David Copperfield. If you are related, please meet me behind the Burger King on Watson tomorrow night at seven o’clock. Come alone.

Where was I? Oh yes, helping you.

Ideally, you would have at least seen an episode of Buffy. Preferably, an episode in season four or later. That’s when Spike became a regular cast member and the show really got going.

Assuming that’s not the case, I’ll have to start you out very slowly. *

First, you’re going to need an aluminum pan and a spoon. Make sure it is a wooden spoon, though. Silver spoons, much like the 80′s TV show of the same name, do not mesh with magic.

Next, you’re going to need to grease the bottom of the pan with butter. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

Next, follow the instructions on back of your Betty Crocker Brownie Mix box. Mix the ingredients together in a bowl and add them to your aluminum pan.

Bake and enjoy.

And that’s all there is to it. No thanks necessary, I’m just glad I could help you. Just please promise me that you will not use what I’ve taught you for evil.

Magically yours,

kev

* This magic spell only works if the thing you want at that moment is a plate of chocolate brownies.

Humor-blogs believes in the Orlando Magic.