I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
In probably the weirdest of all weird news, the story of a Kansas woman who did not leave her boyfriend’s bathroom for two years hit the news circuits this week. Allow me to briefly review the high/lowlights:
- The woman chose on her own to stay inside the bathroom. Her boyfriend of 16 years tried daily to get her to come out. She would always respond, “maybe tomorrow.”
- The boyfriend brought the woman food and water every day. On February 27, he called police to report, “there (is) something wrong with (my) girlfriend.”
- Because she had been on it for so long, the woman’s skin had grown around the toilet seat. She was stuck to it. “We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital,” said the town’s sheriff. “The hospital removed it.”
- “She is an adult; she made her own decision,” said the boyfriend. “I should have gotten help for her sooner; I admit that. But after a while, you kind of get used to it.”
- Authorities are debating whether or not to press charges against the boyfriend (for not getting help sooner).
I don’t even know where to begin on this one.
I could go on an angry rant about how the boyfriend should be punished for not contacting the authorities sooner. His girlfriend is obviously ill, and no amount of “she is an adult” should safeguard him from receiving a massive beat down.
I could talk about how sad I am for the woman. Her boyfriend said she received beatings in her childhood, and the reason she initially stayed in the bathroom is because she “felt safe” there. She obviously has psychological problems, and I hope she is able to get the help she needs.
I don’t want to talk about either of those, though. It’s Friday. I want to end the week on an upbeat note. As a result, I will ask some practical questions. These are questions I doubt anyone else in this wild, crazy world will ask:
With his girlfriend claiming the bathroom as her own, what did the boyfriend do? Did he have to bathe in the kitchen sink? Did he “do his business” in the bushes outside his home? And how did his neighbors feel about that? I have to imagine they weren’t thrilled.
Assuming there was a second bathroom in the home:
Was the girlfriend in the master bathroom? On the one hand, you’d like to think she was since it was the only room in the entire house she used. The only thing worse than staying in the bathroom for two years is staying in the small bathroom for two years.
At the same time, look at it from the boyfriend’s perspective: It’s your home. You paid good money for it. And instead of being able to enjoy your master bathroom, you are exiled to the guest bathroom. The small bathroom. The bathroom without a heated towel rack. The bathroom without a second sink in front of the vanity. The bathroom without a jacuzzi. And why are you exiled? Because Ms. Crazy Crazerson has taken up shop in your master bathroom!
If the answer is no, I have my suspicions that this entire story is fabricated.
Two years without Alton Brown and Giada De Laurentiss?
Two years without major league baseball?
Two years without The Office and Scrubs?
Two years without Survivor, Big Brother and the rest of Reality TV? Actually, she might have been onto something…
Surely she had some kind of entertainment? Did her boyfriend bring her magazines and books? Did she have a laptop with wireless Internet connection? Did he put in a new shower curtain every week so she’d have something different to stare at?
Okay, I’m almost ashamed of this question.
Does he own other houses? Has anyone bothered to check those bathrooms? Do you really expect me to believe this guy neglected only one girl? He’s a serial neglecter if there ever was one.
How incredibly unseemly.
Here’s hoping the next time this woman makes the news, it’s because people are marveling at her remarkable recovery and the fact she has been able to move on to a happy, fulfilling life.
Humor-blogs likes to vacation in the bathtub.
;-) 3.14.08 at 2:25 pm:
The availability of televsion and phone were my immediate questions as well.
I love the sheriff’s remark that they didn’t know if she had mental or physical problems…well, duh! I think he is a little short in the smarts department for that remark.
Her friends and neighbors noted that they hadn’t seen her for a couple of years but didn’t really think too much about it…in my opinion she had no friends.
What did dinner guests think?
How did she shampoo her hair? Did they have a floor drain so he could like hose her down periodically?
So many probing questions.
;-) 3.14.08 at 4:06 pm:
Weird, just plain weird. I wonder what made him wake up on February 27th and think, “Gee, maybe I should call someone about this.”
;-) 3.14.08 at 4:51 pm:
Ok, strange fact:
The sherrif who helped get her out of the bathroom was camed Sheriff Whipple!
;-) 3.14.08 at 4:52 pm:
excuse me was *called*
;-) 3.14.08 at 5:14 pm:
How did she get “stuck” to the toilet?
They didn’t elaborate on this one.
..and I’m glad they didn’t.
;-) 3.14.08 at 6:48 pm:
God bless her. This sounds bizarre, but at least she was there only two years. If the boyfriend let her go that long, he could have gone much longer before calling anyone about it. Geesh.
So many questions, no answers.
;-) 3.14.08 at 7:39 pm:
@Daniel: I hadn’t thought of the shampoo angle. I guess I pictured the woman as being bald. More specifically, in my head I imagined the woman to be Britney Spears.
@Theresa: My guess is there was something he really, really needed out of the bathroom. Like the hair dryer or q-tips.
@Maya: Ah, a Whipple’s Disease reference. I bet maybe one out of a thousand people would make that connection!
@Damon: I’m guessing Elmer’s Glue did it.
@Kathy: That’s true. He could’ve waited for their silver anniversary. So sad.
;-) 3.14.08 at 8:33 pm:
My first question: How did she *wash*? 2 years without a bath or a shower. She must have smelled sooooo disgusting.
;-) 3.14.08 at 8:47 pm:
I heard about this! But how does one’s skin form to a toilet seat? I guess she literally didn’t move at all. Not even to *gulp*, wipe.
;-) 3.14.08 at 10:23 pm:
Wait, let me get this straight — she never got up in two years? Didn’t her legs fall asleep? She slept sitting up? No hernia? She never got up? Not even to go to the bathroom?
It’s a strange world we live in.
;-) 3.15.08 at 1:38 am:
Nice original take on this story.
;-) 3.15.08 at 1:09 pm:
They are thinking of charging the boyfriend. They should charge the girl with trespassing.
The boyfriend is an enabler. All he had to do was to stop feeding her. She would eventually get up. He is about as bizarre as she is. They were made for each other. They ought to make a movie. It would be a love story, and it would involve only one set.
;-) 3.16.08 at 2:52 pm:
HAHA, it’s important to ask all the right questions! Yea, the rest of the questions your commentors asked are really good too. Suddenly, i feel like doing a little research. Hehe..
BYE!
p.s. Funny…
;-) 3.19.08 at 2:49 pm:
I’ve seen this story around quite a bit this week, and always presented with the same jarring lack of compassion. Ha ha, it’s a toilet, so that makes it funny. Except instead of funny, it’s actually horrifying.
What do you do when the person you’ve spent a decade with starts acting just a little bit stranger every day? Careful, you don’t want to lose her. You don’t want to cause her undue embarrassment or intrude unduly on her sovereignty (because, frankly, we’re all bat-shit crazy — it’s hypocritical). At the same time, you’re scared as hell about what might be going on and what might happen if you force the issue.
When do you take it upon yourself to tell your friend her interest in a celebrity is bordering on the wrong side of fanatical? When do you send Mom to the old folk’s home against her will? When do you call the cops on the woman you love and have her forcefully removed from the home you share?
I find no reason to be critical of the choices made. To call it stupid is worse than stupid, it’s willfully ignorant.
;-) 3.19.08 at 3:31 pm:
@Baud: Thank you for the different viewpoint.
My initial reaction reading this story was compassion. In fact, the first portion of this post, as well as the ending, was serious and somber. I feel bad for this woman.
However, there is no denying the weirdness of the story. And as the owner of a humor blog (as well as the owner of a dry sense of humor), I responded in kind.
All that said, I must disagree with your defense of the boyfriend.
The girlfriend’s legs had atrophied, according to the article. Her skin had grown around the toilet seat. Who knows how long she had been seated. Long before then, any concerns the boyfriend might’ve had about embarassing her, intruding on her, etc. should have gone out the window. The girlfriend’s physical, as well as her mental, health was at stake.
Was he in an awkward sitution? Absolutely. Is there a handbook to follow when this situation arises? Of course not. But I can say with complete certainty the one thing you don’t do is what he did: nothing.
At best, he was an enabler. At worst, he was cruel and indifferent.
Of course, that’s just my opinion. I could be wrong.
;-) 3.20.08 at 6:35 am:
I’ve just read that the boyfriend was charged with “mistreatment of a dependent adult.” Good call.
;-) 10.8.08 at 1:52 pm:
[...] this year, followers of weird news were treated to the story of a woman who sat on her boyfriend’s toilet for two years. The boyfriend, who infamously explained that his psychologically-scarred girlfriend was “an [...]