by kev on March 25, 2008
(2 votes, 4 avg)
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I’m not talking about that “S” word. I learned early in life that every time you use profanity, God permits Keanu Reeves to star in another movie. So no profanity for me, thanks. No, I’m talking about the other “S” word. The word that, when used on my blog, sends readers running for the proverbial hills.
I’m talking, of course, about SPORTS.
Wait, don’t leave. Give this blog post a chance. They’ll be plenty of time for running away and gouging out your eyes when the post is over. Please sit back down.
Thank you.
You’ll be happy to know this post isn’t about the “S” word per se, but about why it’s such a loathed topic on my blog. I realize everyone doesn’t care for sports, but everyone doesn’t care for coffee or Daylight Savings Time either. And yet those topics are usually big hits.
Case in point: On my original blog, I had reached the point where every post I wrote received between 15 and 30 comments. One day, I wrote my first “fake news” article. It was my Atlanta Braves Sign Charlie Sheen post. It received two comments.
Two.
Let’s forget my own opinion that the post was at least mildly funny. Let’s forget the fact it was later published by Associated Content and featured on its humor page. Let’s forget the fact a less than family-friendly site found it appealing enough to steal and publish on their own site without my permission. Let’s forget all that. It received two freakin’ comments. To put that into perspective, a post I once wrote about ants in my car received 14 comments.
It doesn’t end there. My post explaining why baseball players spit, a question asked by most every fan, received only three comments. And one of those comments was from me!
My real-life story of the time I was a coach for a girl’s fast-pitch softball team and a brawl broke out on the field received one comment. How does a first-hand account of my having to break up a fight between two dozen teenage girls not warrant more comments?
My topical Helping the New York Mets Through the Five Stages of Grief article last fall received six comments, but only two had anything to do with the Mets and their incredible display of awfulness.
Arguably one of the best things I have ever written, Braves “Put Down” Pitcher, Tell Players He Went to Live on Farm, received three comments. Three. The Junk Drawer, Diesel and Frogster would get twice that number even if they wrote a post that simply said, “anyone who leaves a comment to this is an idiot.”
Only one sports-related post of mine has ever broken through. Team Names in Sports are Offensive… and Hilarious had 16 comments. Is poking fun at sports the secret to writing a popular sports-related post? My recent Most Sports Fans are Complete Idiots post that didn’t receive a single comment its first three days of existence would say the answer is “no.”
The question is why. Why is a humor piece about Paris Hilton praised while a humor piece about sports is bludgeoned with a bat? Why is a fake news story about the whereabouts of The Dell Dude praised, but a fake news story about the Braves putting an under performing pitcher to sleep loathed? Why is Keanu Reeves still starring in movies even though I haven’t cursed since 1996?
These are questions that haunt me.
Humor-blogs also haunts me.
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Author: kevPosts Written: 259
Bio: Who am I? I am a cipher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
URLs: my website, all posts by kev
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March 25th, 2008 at 11:30 am:
aim low, i always say. there’s a bigger audience.
March 25th, 2008 at 11:32 am:
Personally, I think it’s because your average person does not know enough about sports to make an even slightly intelligent (albeit probably fake) comment on the subject…and nobody wants to look stupid…
But, it’s easy to feign knowledge about Paris Hilton, ants, or coffee.
That’s my take, anyway.
March 25th, 2008 at 11:36 am:
@Leigh: That’s my motto, too. In fact, why aim at all?
@Angi: Interesting. I hadn’t considered that angle.
March 25th, 2008 at 11:44 am:
Perhaps your paranoid tendencies can be turned to good advantage by realizing that everyone is out to ignore you and then ignore them
by simply writing about anything YOU find humorous like putting zippers on marsupials as a form of birth control…or taking up a collection for poor church
mice or learning pussy willow propagation for fun and profit or the sheer joy of owning a Studebaker No…you don’t need to desend into profanity or obscenity
…lunacy, yes, …everyday insanity, yes… and a little bullshit won’t hurt.
I, Count Sneaky, will always be your friend and fellow paranoid. Need encouragement or gentlle put-down e-mail the Count. Good Day!
March 25th, 2008 at 2:53 pm:
Also, not only does your average person try to avoid the appearance of stupidity, but your average person tries to avoid researching.
Punching an athlete’s name into Wikipedia would be too much work, just for the sake of leaving an intelligent comment…
March 25th, 2008 at 3:04 pm:
@Sneaky: Thank you. It’s nice to know someone has my back. Of course, I’m not sure I can forgive you for using that colorful word. It likely means we’ll now all be “treated” to Matrix 4.
@Angi: Another great point. Boy, maybe I should have e-mailed you for insight before writing this ranting post? You could have saved me a lot of time!
March 25th, 2008 at 3:08 pm:
See, I din’t mind leaving comments on sports posts because all I had to do was mention Brett Favrerer but now that he’s gone…
I will miss his yummyness.
March 25th, 2008 at 4:49 pm:
Don’t let the bastards keep you down. A humor post about sports is the highest form of blogging, end of story. Rickey knows that, and so should you. And a humor post about the Mets is simply divine. Well done on that one sir, well done indeed.
March 25th, 2008 at 5:30 pm:
I know why I don’t comment on them. I hate sports. Simple enough?
Although the ones about Charlie Sheen and “putting down” the pitcher were hilarious, as Angie pointed out I don’t have anything to say about those topics except, “Ha!” This sentiment is almost worth a comment, but in the interests of exercising my “comment vote”, I refrain. That my boycott of sports-oriented posts has been noticed is deeply satisfying.
March 25th, 2008 at 6:57 pm:
I think most people (aka generally guys) who are rabid about sports don’t spend any time reading or writing blogs.
You and Ricky are outstanding exceptions but I must concede that I fast forward since I’m not really a sports fan…let me clarify - I love to attend sporting events live but the ones on tv bore me silly.
March 25th, 2008 at 7:03 pm:
I’m with Angi. I have nothing to show in a sports conversation except my ignorance. I once went to lunch with four other people, where they all discussed the World Series, the business of baseball, how players are traded, etc. and I just sat there slurping my soup and looking vacant. It’s terribly embarrassing. The last thing I want to do is muck up your comments by proving I’m a sports idiot. I do read all your awesome stuff, though! Does that count?
March 25th, 2008 at 7:26 pm:
I’m afraid that I must agree with Kathy. I can add nothing to any conversation regarding any hardcore sports. I do support my husband’s sports followings. I accompany him to Phillies games, but mainly because food is available. I would love one of those all you can eat seats.
March 25th, 2008 at 8:45 pm:
Feel free to e-mail for insights any time.
I shall, however, continue to comment on your sports blogs (I think I have in the past…?). I enjoy sports, and I like sounding smart, and I’m willing to do the research!
March 25th, 2008 at 10:24 pm:
Forgive me. The Count is rather new at this;but, what is matrix 4 ?
Is it worse than sitting thru a K. Reeves movie? Or,perhaps, a sports
blog? My best regards . Count Sneaky
March 25th, 2008 at 10:40 pm:
Kev,
The Count is sorry about that slip . He’s a little new at this sort of thing. What is, if you will permit me, a Matrix 4. Is this worse than being forced to read sports blogs written by John McCain? Profound regrets, Count Sneaky,
Chevalier de Umbrage and Knight of the Silver Umbilical Cord,,DVD, BS.,
& CVS.
March 25th, 2008 at 10:46 pm:
Count seems to be losing a marble or two! Wrote once and thought I lost it so rewrote. Forgive. CS
March 25th, 2008 at 11:55 pm:
This is quite a novel new blog niche market: those who ponder the intricacies of the sport-related continuum. Nicely done. You’ll be up to the thousands of comments on this very post by the morning, I predict.
March 26th, 2008 at 12:54 am:
Um Keanu Reeves’ IQ is 160 and they’re talking Oscar for his new film, soooo…..
March 26th, 2008 at 10:50 am:
Yeah, I’m with Kathy. I DO enjoy sports, but don’t really know much about them. And since I like to keep up the facade that I am smart, I don’t typically leave comments that make me sound…. not smart.
March 26th, 2008 at 11:00 am:
RYC:
Quirky #2 - How’s that whole coffee thing going? Shortly before you announced that you were giving up coffee, I too had decided that I was drinking too much of it and was trying to quit… it lasted about, oh, half a day. I HAVE cut back though!
To Do #2 - My family named the ham “Hamlet,” but I referred to it as simply “The Ham.” And occasionally “Bob.”
To Do #3 - 1,038 toilets is pushing it, don’t you think? That’s a lot of toilets.
To Do #5 - I’m confident that you could drive a 10K (which is equivalent to 6.2 miles) with little to no breaks. Especially since you’ve given up coffee. Less restroom stops!
March 26th, 2008 at 11:15 am:
Wow. Thanks for all the comments, guys. My blog hasn’t seen 20+ comments since it had “Xanga” in front of the name.
You’ve all given me much to digest.
March 26th, 2008 at 11:23 am:
Wow, SOMEONE from Birmingham, Alabama has been browsing my blog for the past 42+ minutes!
I wonder who that could be?
March 26th, 2008 at 11:24 am:
Aww, you’re welcome. And here’s another one, because I got distracted and forgot to type out the most important part of my last comment:
You ARE so illustrious!
(And my birthday is on May 8th. Just sayin’)
March 26th, 2008 at 11:26 am:
Hahaha. Those crazy Southerners!
March 26th, 2008 at 11:33 am:
Kevin, as you know, I rarely comment on blogs anyway (I still think you need to add a “nod your head” button), but a sports blog is definately the last blog I would ever comment on. I am in full agreement with many of the other comments - the last thing I need is to be labeled a “sports idiot” which would happen if I ever attempted to say anything on the subject.
Love your blog! Keep on making me laugh!
March 26th, 2008 at 4:59 pm:
Really? Well, if you’re so smart, you would have known that it would be obvious when you write under an assumed name, “Josh”, or should we say, Mr. Reeves…
June 17th, 2008 at 9:03 am:
“A cipher wrapped in an enigma” …words once used to describe Keanu Reeves….