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Spreading the Awesome
April 1, 2008
Quick Hits
4

Since I’ve made “spreading the awesome” one of my life’s goals, I have decided to allow Free Money Finance to publish four never-before-seen articles of mine for April Fools Day!

(Translation: The very nice FMF at Free Money Finance wrote a post a few weeks ago asking if anyone would like to write a guest post for his site, and I sent a sad, rambling e-mail begging him for the opportunity. He showed pity on me and offered the opportunity to write four “fake news” articles for April Fools Day.)

Click a link below, or go straight to Free Money Finance, to read these gold nuggets of comedic magic. Be sure to leave lots of comments while you’re there!

1.
Government Steps Up Efforts To Assist “Stupid” Homeowners

The Premise: President Bush initiates a plan that will further assist homeowners with variable-rate mortgages they can’t afford.
Favorite Line: “(we) would assist the homeowner with cutting their food, walking their children to school, dressing them for work each day and other remedial tasks that are likely too much for the homeowner to handle alone.”

2.
John Bogle Punks World, Admits Index Funds Aren’t Real

The Premise: Bogle, founder of Vanguard, admits index funds are a scam he invented to win a bet with Warren Buffet.
Favorite Line: “One time I invested in cattle. Lost a bundle on that one. Their teeth fell out or something. I never really got a clear answer what happened.”

3.
How to Sell Your Home in Any Market? Be Aloof

The Premise: Jeff Valentine, a night club owner turned real estate mogul, explains how the key to selling property is making the prospective buyer believe he/she isn’t good enough to buy it.
Favorite Line: “Build a mote around the property. Any home requiring a prospective buyer to swim in order to get to it is certain to spark heavy interest.”

4.
Planning for Retirement in a Post-Apocalyptic World

The Premise: Movie critics/scientists release a study explaining why saving for retirement could be a useless exercise.
Favorite Line: “(in the future) all money will really be good for is kindling for fire and giving apes paper cuts.”

I encourage all of you to check out Free Money Finance while you are there. It’s a personal finance site that I’ve followed for over a year now. The tips and advice are great. The owner, FMF, is one of the most prolific blog writers I’ve ever come across. He regularly writes three to five posts a day and, every Sunday, he writes Biblical-themed articles on finance.

Perhaps best of all, all revenue earned at Free Money Finance is donated to charity. If that’s not altruistic, I don’t know what altruistic means or how to spell it!

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