Spreading the Awesome

Since I’ve made “spreading the awesome” one of my life’s goals, I have decided to allow Free Money Finance to publish four never-before-seen articles of mine for April Fools Day!

(Translation: The very nice FMF at Free Money Finance wrote a post a few weeks ago asking if anyone would like to write a guest post for his site, and I sent a sad, rambling e-mail begging him for the opportunity. He showed pity on me and offered the opportunity to write four “fake news” articles for April Fools Day.)

Click a link below, or go straight to Free Money Finance, to read these gold nuggets of comedic magic. Be sure to leave lots of comments while you’re there!

1.
Government Steps Up Efforts To Assist “Stupid” Homeowners

The Premise: President Bush initiates a plan that will further assist homeowners with variable-rate mortgages they can’t afford.
Favorite Line: “(we) would assist the homeowner with cutting their food, walking their children to school, dressing them for work each day and other remedial tasks that are likely too much for the homeowner to handle alone.”

2.
John Bogle Punks World, Admits Index Funds Aren’t Real

The Premise: Bogle, founder of Vanguard, admits index funds are a scam he invented to win a bet with Warren Buffet.
Favorite Line: “One time I invested in cattle. Lost a bundle on that one. Their teeth fell out or something. I never really got a clear answer what happened.”

3.
How to Sell Your Home in Any Market? Be Aloof

The Premise: Jeff Valentine, a night club owner turned real estate mogul, explains how the key to selling property is making the prospective buyer believe he/she isn’t good enough to buy it.
Favorite Line: “Build a mote around the property. Any home requiring a prospective buyer to swim in order to get to it is certain to spark heavy interest.”

4.
Planning for Retirement in a Post-Apocalyptic World

The Premise: Movie critics/scientists release a study explaining why saving for retirement could be a useless exercise.
Favorite Line: “(in the future) all money will really be good for is kindling for fire and giving apes paper cuts.”

I encourage all of you to check out Free Money Finance while you are there. It’s a personal finance site that I’ve followed for over a year now. The tips and advice are great. The owner, FMF, is one of the most prolific blog writers I’ve ever come across. He regularly writes three to five posts a day and, every Sunday, he writes Biblical-themed articles on finance.

Perhaps best of all, all revenue earned at Free Money Finance is donated to charity. If that’s not altruistic, I don’t know what altruistic means or how to spell it!

About Kevin

Who am I? I am a cipher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kevin and I own this here website.

4 thoughts on “Spreading the Awesome

  1. Brilliant posts. If I didn’t know any better…and if today wasn’t April Fools’ Day…I would have sworn those posts were REAL! ;-)

    RYC: New Month Post has been granted!

  2. Believe it or not, I actually like reading stuff about finances…it’s one of those things I’ve grown to care more about in the last few years, once it hit me that I’m not getting younger and money will never grow on trees…(can you believe that!?). I find financial advice to be more and more applicable to my own life every day…so thanks again for the article on how to sell a house someday. I particularly like the moat idea, I bet the neighborhood kids would LOVE that. Giant mud pit, anyone?

    I’ll consider posting some poetry…I suppose I could post my last “real” poem, from a year ago…although hopefully I’ll have some more “real” stuff soon, I can hear the coffee shop and my notebook calling my name…

  3. Thanks for the feedback on the poem!

    No, it never did have a title…maybe I should call it “Untitled”?? Or take votes…

    Stay tuned, I’m fixing to post another poem I wrote about a year ago, also…

    Also, you should write a blog combining finances and sports. Perhaps something sad yet humorous about how grossly overpaid A-Rod is? (I just read yesterday that he is making more than the entire Marlins team…combined.) It’s sick, really. Starving children in Africa…in the U.S. for that matter…and Mr. Cocky makes 28 million a year.

    OK, this comment is turning INTO a blog about grossly overpaid athletes…later!

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