I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
If, as a reward for being incredibly awesome, someone knocked on my front door and offered me my choice between a lifetime’s supply of gasoline or $1 million in unmarked bills, I would have a really difficult decision on my hands.
Gas prices have gotten absolutely ridiculous. Yesterday, it took $48 to fill up my Mustang. When I first got the car, it took $33 to fill it up. Call me crazy, but a 45% increase in two short years seems like a lot.
What kills me is there doesn’t seem to be much outrage about these insane gas prices. Oh sure, people are talking about it. But where’s the outrage? Where’s the media circus? For crying out loud, the non-story of Dick Cheney possibly being photographed with a naked woman reflected in his sunglasses (when in actuality the reflection was of his hand) has received more media exposure than gas prices as of late.
Almost one year ago, I wrote one of my favorite “fake news” stories — Gas Boycott to Solve World’s Problems. Despite being brilliant, it received only one comment. But whatever… I’m totally over it. (Don’t cry, Kevin. Be strong.)
Anyway, the story was written to mock the nationwide, one-day “gas boycott” that was to take place the following day. Despite feeling very high at the time, gas prices in my area back then were around 70 cents cheaper than they are today.
A year later, I admire the passion of these boycott participants. Granted, they were misguided and possibly stupid, but their hearts were in the right place and their message was clear: something has to be done about these insane gas prices.
Farmers, in order to survive the soaring gas prices, are having to raise the prices of their produce. This means that we consumers are having to pay more for our gas and our food. Consumers having to spend more on gas and food means that many are having to spend less in other areas.
The many ways reduced consumer spending can impact the world are too numerous to list. One of the scenarios I’ve played out has a penniless Britney Spears moving next door to me, and me ultimately being committed to an insane asylum.
For the love of all that is good and holy, something has to be done!
What can we do, people? How can we stop this? And so help me, if anyone suggests having a one-day gas boycott I’ll have to throat punch you.
I’m serious.
;-) 4.22.08 at 11:21 pm:
Yeah, and the produce we’re paying more for doesn’t seem to taste as good. What’s up with that? I’m gonna start eating money … I think I’ll get full faster and surely there’s at least a little bit of fiber to be had from it. I’ll get back to you with a recipe for folding money casserole … Velveeta will likely be involved.
;-) 4.23.08 at 8:35 am:
High prices will solve the problem of high prices. When the pain is too great (and is sounds like we are close – but I thought that at 2.00 gal.) behavior will change.
Regarding the Cheney story, when you are that old, your hand is often confused with a naked girl. You are right – the headline need to be about gas prices as a sign the pain is too high. Ridiculous what the press finds newsworthy.
;-) 4.23.08 at 10:57 am:
Holy crap, I feel your pain on this one…It costs me about $45 to fill up my Pontiac, too. Gas prices here are hovering between $3.55-$3.85/gallon…it’s ridiculous…but one-day gas boycotts are ridiculous, too. I do not understand people’s “logic” on that…I thought about taking the bus to work, but discovered that would take me 3.5 hours and 4 different buses…
;-) 4.23.08 at 12:17 pm:
I know! Let’s break out the American innovation and know-how the country became famous for (back in the day) and find a way to wean ourselves off oil! Oh, that’s right, we’re not innovative anymore, we’re lazy and apathetic. No ideas here! (I’m the new kind of American). Actually, I did have one idea but humor-blogs said it first.
ryc on Q1: My car has a built-in imaginary clutch. There’s a piece of plastic or vinyl or whatever pedal covers are made of attached to the floorboard where the clutch would be. It’s very fun.
ryc on Q3: Hm. I’m going to go with lazy.
ryc on my to-do list: You’re absolutely right and I’m very ashamed. Would it make you feel any better to know that I have no intention of doing any of those things by the end of this week? In short, that I’m a big, lazy, failure?
;-) 4.23.08 at 2:06 pm:
Let’s John Q the oil companies. It worked for Denzel, right?
;-) 4.23.08 at 11:57 pm:
I think our government should take that $600 tax rebate and stick it up their chocolate whiz-ways and instead, do something about gas prices!! I highly doubt that anyone is going to be able to “stimulate the economy” with that money anyway… I can’t afford to drive to a store! I own a SATURN for fack’s sake and it’s costing me my right arm and left butt cheek to fill up. And it’s only gonna get better with Summer, right?
;-) 4.24.08 at 5:05 pm:
RYC: I like your phraseology. “Freakin’ ridiculous” is right!!! I remember living in Oklahoma, with no public transportation options…it sucked. Not that I ever take the bus here, either, but if I wanted to at least I have the option, heh!
RYC Part 2: I hadn’t checked the M’s schedule – good to know we’re playing each other. I’m definitely up for a friendly wager. Not that I have much doubt about who’s going to win it (I’m such a horrible fair-weather fan) but we’re like 11-10 so far, so at least we haven’t lost more than we’ve won. So…what are the stakes??
;-) 4.24.08 at 5:05 pm:
OH – and congrats on the raise and promotion!!!!!!!
;-) 4.24.08 at 5:50 pm:
I don’t understand the gas boycott reasoning. By not filling up one day, what will we say to the Big Oil companies? We’ll just be filling up the next day and they know it, so they’ll still make the same amount. But if we actually used less gas, they would surely notice.
Perhaps we should designate a day to stay home from work and not go anywhere. I think a Monday would be a good choice for this…
;-) 4.24.08 at 8:40 pm:
I’m all for working from home one day a week. If we could cut our consumption by 20%, that’s a dent worth noticing. I’d love to see a 4-day work week in my lifetime and if it means less oil and more money in my pocket, all the better.
;-) 4.25.08 at 5:54 am:
Get those prices up higher I say. Here in the UK we pay the equivalent of $2.60 per litre so it’s costing over $100 to fill up my small car. But the benfits are enormous … those little young assholes who drive around with their radios on too loud in their souped up cars can’t afford to run them. Hoorah
;-) 4.25.08 at 9:01 am:
[...] These Insane Gas Prices are Killing my Joy at Special Kind of Stupid [...]
;-) 5.8.08 at 5:04 pm:
There’s nothing you can do…this was orchestrated. The gas prices will be ten dollars a gallon in less than two years. There’s no time to “wean” ourselves off of oil, nor would it be necessary considering this is all a result of artificial scarcity (war in Iraq) and inflation (tripled the money supply since 2000).
In the UK you pay more because you have much higher gas taxes.
Considering that our entire infrastructure is built upon oil, we need to do everything we can to keep the prices down. If we don’t we will literally see another great depression in the US. For starters we could urge our state governments to eliminate gas taxes. But, that probably wont help us very much. The problem of artificial scarcity and the distortion of the global warming pandemic need to be exposed.