I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
Partly because I am bored and mostly because I have writer’s block, I am starting a new Friday tradition here at SKOS. I’m calling it the Friday Four. Why Friday? Because today is Friday. Why four? Because it starts with the letter “F.” I am all about the alliteration.
For today’s Friday Four, I’ll ask four random questions and then answer them as seriously as I possibly can, which probably won’t be very serious at all.
Q: If you were stranded on a tropical island, what one item would you want with you?
A: After recently seeing Tom Hanks’ movie Castaway on TV, I would have to say a volleyball. Unless I completely missed it, the moral of the movie is all will be well if you have a trusted volleyball by your side.
Q: On a first date, who should pay for dinner?
A: Call me old fashioned, but I think the guy should pay using money he stole from the girl’s purse when she got up to “powder her nose.” It’s just the gentlemanly thing to do.
Q: Boxers or briefs?
A: Why not both at the same time? Oh sure, it looks funny. And yeah, it can make going to the restroom an adventure. But when you have a job that requires you to sit down eight hours a day, the extra cushioning is sweet.
Q: Favorite tactic to woo someone of the opposite sex?
A: Calling them by the wrong name. It works like a charm. Sure, they might appear to be angry when you do this. But what they’re really thinking is, “this mysterious individual must be really important with a lot going on in his life.”
And there you have it. Insightful? Hardly. Funny? If you’ve been drinking, absolutely.
In the comments section below, leave your own answers. Your answers can be serious, funny or some unholy combination of the two. After today, I’ll be out of town with no Internet connection until late Tuesday, so I expect to see lots and lots of comments when I get back. Anything less than 50 comments will make me curl up into a ball and cry.
Seriously.
If stranded on an island, Humor-blogs would bring a photo of yours truly.
;-) 5.23.08 at 3:27 pm:
1.) In keeping with the Castaway theme, I would have to say an ice skate. You never know when you’ll need to knock out an abscessed tooth.
2.) Rule of thumb: It depends on who did the asking. If the guy asked – the guy should pay. If the girl asked – the guy should pay.
3.) Personally, I’m a fan of the boxer-brief. Not that I wear those…
4.) These days, I’m wondering if my best tactic would be to bleach my hair blonde, flip it around a lot, and giggle and say things like “That’s hot.” But…on the same token, being brunette and semi-intelligent brings in a better caliber of men.
;-) 5.23.08 at 3:53 pm:
@Angi:
1. I’m convinced that ice skate scene was a plant from the dentistry association. “See what might happen if you don’t go to your dentist every six months? You could get stranded on an island and have to knock out your tooth with an ice skate.”
2. Your logic sounds expensive.
3. Well, when I think of briefs, I think boxer-briefs. True “briefs” are so passé.
4. That first tactic would work wonderfully if your goal was to have people like myself fling produce at you as you walk on by. Your second tactic seems like a much better one.
;-) 5.23.08 at 4:25 pm:
Sneaky ADA…
I suppose my logic is semi-expensive, but I was just referring to the first date. After that, the girl should ALWAYS offer, and the guy should sometimes take her up on it.
;-) 5.23.08 at 4:34 pm:
@Angi: No, it’s not that. I just believe that any scenario that does not have the guy stealing money from the girl’s purse when she is powdering her nose is expensive. Here is how I break it down:
Scenario 1: Guy pays, but steals money from her purse while she powders her nose.
Scenario 2: Girl pays, but guy still steals money from her purse.
Scenario 3: They go dutch, but guy still steals money from her purse.
Scenario 4: Guy steals girl’s entire purse and leaves restaurant while girl is powdering her nose.
I’m writing this sentence to assure everyone that I am joking.
Or am I?
;-) 5.23.08 at 4:58 pm:
Hmm. If you’re not joking, remind me to never go on a date with you.
;-) 5.23.08 at 5:20 pm:
Am I joking? Well, let’s just say my plump bank account helps lessen the pain of rarely getting a second date…
(insert evil laugh here)
;-) 5.23.08 at 5:47 pm:
If stranded on a tropical island, I’D want the cast and crew of Survivor. Not because I like the show, or that the women contestants usually get emotionally and sexually “loose” in the final weeks(which is a bonus), but because I’ve heard the crew’s buffet table is off the hook.
I would pay for dinner…because I’M old fashioned? No. I ‘m thinking, ‘She knows I’m unemployed and living with Mom(see answer 4)-so I’m definitely getting me some sympathy sex here.
Boxers or Briefs: I’m thinking outside the boxers here and going with Fartypants by Underease. They capture flatulence and filter it before releasing it into your date’s face. I like that. You never know when the restaurant you’re eating in ropes you into a side of broccoli. Now if they can just mute the sound…
To woo the ladies…Lay ALL your cards out on the table on that first date. Tell her all your deepest, darkest secrets, then cry- believe me, you’ll be doin the Rumpy-Pumpy before you can say Obama’s Mama.
;-) 5.24.08 at 12:11 am:
Q: If you were stranded on a tropical island, what one item would you want with you?
A: uhh…a boat?
Q: On a first date, who should pay for dinner?
A: Take her to a cook out at a friend’s house and neither will have to pay. Or how about the local soup line?
Q: Boxers or briefs?
A: Boxers, briefly. Then hubby takes them back.
Q: Favorite tactic to woo someone of the opposite sex?
A: Fortunately I don’t have to do that anymore…I’m married.
So, what do my answers say about my mental health? I like your Friday Four, but why not Friday Five? Please don’t curl up in a ball and cry.
;-) 5.24.08 at 12:33 pm:
OOOOHHHHH, four is me favorite number! So this is way kewl! You might say it’s Kev Kewl. Let’s coin that term, ‘k?
And now for my answers:
1. Johnny Depp.
2. Johnny Depp will pay on our first date and every date thereafter but he shall be handsomely rewarded in other ways.
3. Whatever Johnny does (or doesn’t) wear.
4. When I woo Johnny I will call him Johnny (his right name) but my tactic will be the simple age-old one of batting my eyelashes. This always works with TG (who, despite his beauty and charm, I have never once referred to as Johnny).
And just so you know, all four of my answers are dead serious!
;-) 5.27.08 at 4:23 pm:
Who leaves their purse when they go to powder their nose? Honestly.
1. I’d like a boat with a GPS. Desert islands are not for my delicate Irish complexion.
2.Whoever did the inviting should pay. Better yet, whoever invites should COOK.
3. Either one, as long as they are skidmark free.
4. I’m married 12 years. I got him by building a bungy pit full of manicotti. (See #2)
;-) 5.27.08 at 5:31 pm:
It’s been a long weekend, I need a funny blog from you.
This is my newest contribution to your goal of 50+ comments…
;-) 5.27.08 at 7:53 pm:
1. A camera. If I take a picture of the tropical island I can turn it into a label and slap it onto anything I want and advertise it as “untouched by man” kind of like Fiji water but I’ll add my “story”. Then I can be rich and turn my island into my own personal resort. So what if the product itself is not really from my island–who is going to check?
;-) 5.27.08 at 7:55 pm:
2. We think alike. Except in my case, it would require more skill since it amounts to pickpocketing.
;-) 5.27.08 at 7:58 pm:
3. I think if anyone has difficulty making a decision about that they might as well go commando.
;-) 5.27.08 at 8:08 pm:
4. Usually I wait until a guy smiles at me, then I scream at him to leave me alone. Playing hard-to-get is so effective.
;-) 5.27.08 at 8:09 pm:
There. Five comments from me. Hope that helped.
;-) 5.28.08 at 12:33 am:
1.) Someone who can build a raft.
2.) If it was a particular good day in crack sales- I pay.
3.) Boxer-briefs… SO sexy.
4.) Get ‘em drunk!
;-) 6.4.08 at 11:02 am:
Ooh. Sorry I’ve been MIA, am I too late? If I increase the number of comments on this entry by four, will you promise to get out of that ball and stop crying? I mean seriously, you’re starting to embarrass me here.
1. I’m going to be totally unoriginal and steal Erin’s answer and say a camera. Because it would inevitably be pretty there, and I love to take pretty pictures, and who ever said it was a DESERTED tropical island? You sure didn’t. I would be able to walk into town to get whatever food/supplies/transportation I needed. Booyah!
;-) 6.4.08 at 11:05 am:
The guy should absolutely pay. It wouldn’t even be a matter of who asked who on the date, because I’m old fashioned and believe that men should always do the asking. But I WILL offer to help pay or leave the tip… but I’ll totally expect him to pay (for the first date, at least). If he doesn’t, I subtract cool points. Lots of em.
;-) 6.4.08 at 11:07 am:
I concur. Both at the same time. And as many pairs as possible. I like my men with extra cushioning. A little “junk in the trunk,” if you will.
;-) 6.4.08 at 11:12 am:
Allison wrote: “If I increase the number of comments on this entry by four, will you promise to get out of that ball and stop crying?”
I promise nothing!
;-) 6.4.08 at 11:14 am:
Oops, I’m forgetting my numbers.
4. Completely ignore them. I know, this doesn’t seem like it would be the most effective tactic, but judging by the number of unwanted admirers that I seem to obtain, you’d think that it was. Granted, most of them are crazy and/or homeless and/or just plain gross.
;-) 7.11.08 at 11:33 am:
[...] Well, it’s back at least. I think it’s pretty obvious to everyone Friday Four peaked at week one and it’s been all downhill [...]