I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
On the heels of last week’s Friday Four, where I shared some unusual statements I have written to people in e-mails recently, a colleague suggested I share some of the unusual statements people have said to me in recent e-mails. And so, for this week’s Friday Four, I am going to share four unusual comments I have received. These might be funny, they might be completely off the wall, they might be things that make sense in context, or they might be things that wouldn’t make sense in any context. I’ll let you all decide!
One
“If you wanna chat, take your hands outta my mouth.”
Two
“Phone stalking is very impersonal. I prefer the camp-outside-my-front-door-just-out-of-plain-view method. So much classier.”
Three
“Remind me to do the blinky thing as often as humanly possible.”
Four
“I pop my joints with a popsicle.”
Wait, we’re not finished yet! Here are four “bonus” Other People-isms. Best of luck trying to guess how the following quotes came about:
Bonus #1
“I will never, ever tie you to a chair and force feed you tuna at gunpoint.”
Bonus #2
“I’ve never asked a pony if it wanted to get bigger.”
Bonus #3
“An olive is too big to eat off a fingernail.”
Bonus #4
“If bears know how to throw rocks, the whole WORLD is in trouble.”
And there you have it. Proof positive the people who e-mail me are almost as insane as I am!
So, what are some off-the-wall things people have said or written to YOU lately? Leave a comment so we all can share your -ism.
Humor-blogs is scared to ask for the context to #1.
;-) 6.27.08 at 11:10 am:
A favorite of mine:
“You and I must vow never to play video games after having eaten at [restaurant] while we put together a puzzle in-between taking bites of our food. Deal?”
;-) 6.27.08 at 2:04 pm:
“When life gives you lemons…”
“I know I know…you squeeze the juice in your eyes and scream ‘I FREAKING LOVE LEMONS!!!”
;-) 6.27.08 at 5:38 pm:
Someone recently wrote to me:
“Are you an aspiring comedian, or just someone who feels their every move/thought/action is noteworthy?”
Yes to the first, yes to the second … but only inasmuch as we keep to the shallows.
;-) 6.27.08 at 6:00 pm:
“Anywho! That’s how I acquired my silky chest hair and I’ll have you know that I love it!”
“I wonder how long $100 worth of that makeup would last me?! I’m so excited I’m going to go place an order now. I’ll either be stocked for life or go crazy and look like a hooker for the next year.”
“I think when we’re watching a documentary about people going through intense poverty and suffering, we’ll be ok without soda!”
“I may have whispered a couple sweet nothings to my mango while no one was looking.”
;-) 7.1.08 at 10:43 am:
Ooh I have a new one.
“Lord, please let [name]’s landlord get a rough, tough biker for a new tenant after she leaves. Please let him be large, and mean, and smelly. Please let him have no teeth and lots of tattoos. And, please let him have a short temper and super-sensitive hearing. Amen.”
;-) 7.2.08 at 8:59 pm:
I have another one. This just in, today:
“I would be head over heels for you even if you wore a paper bag over your head. The fact you’re cute is just icing on a very delicious, awesome cake!”
Cue the collective awwww.