As my regular readers know and loath, I am a baseball fan. Occasionally, I like to blog about the sport. This is another fact known and loathed by my readers. As a regular reader once e-mailed me, “I came here for the funny, not for the baseball.”
That’s my mom for you. She does love the comedy…
Anyway, it is a very poorly-hidden secret that I am an Atlanta Braves fan. Even though they often frustrate me — and by often, I mean constantly — I just cannot get enough of those crazy guys. And so, partly because I am bored, but mostly because I wanted to write a tribute to the team I adore, I present to you all a small snippet of my yet-to-be-published (or written) book, 102 Reasons YOU Should Love the Braves.
A shiny, imaginary nickel to all who read the entire list!
1. They once had a pitcher named Joe Winkelsas. That is a funny name.
6. During home games, they often play Queen’s We Are The Champions and We Will Rock You. I could be wrong, but I believe no other stadium in any other sport plays these songs.
13. This guy is a manager in their minor league system. If Nazis or umpires ever invade the country, you will be glad to have him on your side.
34. Manager Bobby Cox holds the all-time MLB record for ejections. Old men who yell and curse are hilarious.
51. Thirty-six year old third baseman Larry Jones still goes by the nickname “Chipper.” Watching ballgames and wondering if Jones would still go by his childhood nickname today if his nickname had been “Little Snot” or “Stink” is a wonderful time killer.
66. Arguably the greatest sports commercial of all-time stars two members of the Atlanta Braves. If this commercial does not amuse you, you are not human. Also, you’re stupid. That’s right… if you do not like this commercial, you are a stupid alien. This is me telling it like it is.
70. Back in 1991, gorgeous actress Jennifer Connelly and the rest of the cast for Disney’s The Rocketeer came to a Braves game to promote their new movie. I was at that game. This probably shouldn’t have been included in a list of reasons why YOU should love the Braves, but it’s definitely one of the reasons a 13-year-old Kev began loving them!
84. The team’s stadium, Turner Field, offers TWELVE different hot dogs: They’ve got the Boston Italian Sausage, Chili Cheese Dog, Juicy Jumbo Dog, Jumbo Chicago Dog, Jumbo Georgia Dog, Jumbo New York Dog, Jumbo Southwestern Dog, Milwaukee Bratwurst, Jumbo Southwestern Dog, New York Dog, Southwestern Dog, and the plain old, generic Hot Dog. Personally, I feel bad for the generic Hot Dog. Why doesn’t it get a cool name?
90. The hilarious Alton Brown of the Food Network’s Good Eats is a Georgia resident. I’m not sure if he’s a baseball fan, but if he is he’s surely a Braves fan. The mere possibility of Alton Brown being a Braves fan boosts the team’s coolness factor by at least twenty points.
99. “Braves” spelled backwards is “Sevarb.” Obviously, Sevarb isn’t a real word, but it should be. In fact, I am coining it right now. The definition of Sevarb shall be “the act of spelling a word backwards for no reason whatsoever.” Cindy, go get Merriam Webster on the phone. Tell him it’s Kev with another new word for his dictionary. Wait, what do you mean there’s no such person?
102. If you’re a girl, and we go to a game together on a date, I’ll hold your hand and tell you the other 91 reasons.