I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
Because I have a tendency to over analyze things, I have often wondered how I’ve managed to escape ridicule or criticism with what I sometimes write about here at SKOS. As I explained to a friend just last week:
“You know, I know, and those who have been reading my blog for a while know the kind of person I am. They are in on the joke. But I’m amazed that someone hasn’t read a random post or two of mine, had no idea of the context or my style of writing, and left me a spiteful comment saying I am ’smug’ or something.”
I should have “knocked on wood” after saying this, because on July 17th a user at Stumble Upon had this review for my Friday Four: Things That Bug Me post:
“The website’s author is boorish and I fail to find any humor in his somewhat cruel, smug, and self important rants. A waste of precious stumble time.”
Had it not been for the 500+ new visitors who were referred to my site on July 17th from Stumble Upon, I would not have had any idea this review even existed. When the curiosity bug bit me, I discovered the review.
In the immortal words of Jerry Maguire: “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna do what you all think I’m gonna do, which is, you know, FLIP OUT!!!“
No, I’m not going to do that. As is my way, I am going to calmly and coolly address this person’s criticism in a mature and decidedly non-boorish fashion.
Dear Stumble Upon Guy,
You are a poo-poo head.
I know it wasn’t your intent, but thank you for referring so many new visitors to my site last week. For approximately 1/500 of a second, I questioned myself and asked if there was an ounce of truth to your review. Thankfully, I quickly realized that no, no there wasn’t.
You do not know me. You did not spend any amount of real time reading my archives to get a true sense of who I am and who I am not. You have no clue.
You say I’m boorish? Well, is it boorish to write about telling small children Santa won’t be bringing them Christmas presents this year? Is it boorish to write an open-letter to lazy parents telling them to teach their children proper etiquette? Is it boorish to eat spaghetti with your bare hands?
You say I’m smug? Well, is it smug to refer to yourself as “awesome” 84 times a day? Is it smug to write a blog post outlining reasons you’d be a good President? Is it smug to open a speech in front of an auditorium full of people with, “yes ladies, I’m single?” Is it smug to write how you actually look good when you sneeze?
You say I’m cruel? Well, is it cruel to threaten people with a bag of oranges? Is it cruel to tell a criminal he’s probably too stupid for a life of crime? Is it cruel to refer to someone’s laugh as “a laugh that makes me pray for the sweet release of death?” Is it cruel to punch kittens?
You say I write self-important rants? Well, is it vain to write about your wicked, awesome immune system? Is it vain to write about your great sense of fashion? Is it vain to write about your having one or more stalkers? Is it vain to think Carley Simon was singing about you even though you weren’t yet born?
I think I’ve proved my point.
Sincerely,
kev
Most all of you know the above letter is just me being silly. A few will swear I am being serious, and a few more will fail to find any of it funny. But that’s okay. This site is not for them. It’s for you.
Do I sometimes criticize celebrities and nameless idiots in my writing? Yes. And, when you’re sarcastic and have a dry sense of humor, some people will take offense to those criticisms. These are usually the same people who (*cough*) have no problems dispensing criticisms of their own, but that’s a topic for another day.
However, these criticisms do not make me boorish. They do not make me smug. They do not make me cruel, and they do not make me vain.
No, they make me a-w-e-s-o-m-e.
I’ll stick my neck out on the line and ask: Do any of YOU think my writing is boorish, cruel, smug or vain? Leave me a comment or two or ten with your thoughts. Please be gentle.
;-) 7.21.08 at 4:24 pm:
BTW: Speaking of vanity, this reviewer does realize SKOS is a blog, right? A blog has a tendency to be centered around its owner and follow his or her viewpoints. Does he read autobiographies and think to himself, “This book is all about HIM. Boy, this guy is so full of himself?”
;-) 7.21.08 at 4:29 pm:
This guy sounds like a first-class tool. I wonder if he had to look up “boorish” in the dictionary before he was able to use it properly in a sentence?
And, correct me if I’m wrong…”precious stumble time?” Am I way out in left field by suggesting that perhaps one of the main points of StumbleUpon is to waste time??
Bottom line – Stumble Upon Guy needs to get a life…
;-) 7.21.08 at 5:28 pm:
Some people just don’t recognize awesome when they see it.
;-) 7.21.08 at 6:57 pm:
I’ve known Kevin for some twenty years: he’s anything but boorish, and his “cruel” and smug comments are all the more hilarious when you realize how over-the-top opposite they are from his own personality. Believe me when I say that a more friendly, humble, down-to-earth, and, yes, “awesome” guy you’ll never find. It’s a comedic persona, not in any way indicative of his affable nature.
He also pays well.
;-) 7.21.08 at 9:09 pm:
I only had to read a single post to figure out your sense of humor. I think with sarcasm people either get it or they’re lame…err, I mean they get it or they don’t.
I firmly believe it has to do with intelligence. There is some great quote about that, I couldn’t find it though. But I did find this one, maybe it’s more fitting:
“A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.â€
;-) 7.21.08 at 10:35 pm:
@Angi: Here, here. Even if you did find my humor boorish and unfunny, in a world packed with time wasters, can my site really be that bad?
@Erin: THANK YOU! See, that’s what I’m saying.
@Steve: Thank you, friend. That is probably the most complimentary comment I’ve ever received. “Comedic persona” — exactly. That is dead on. Thank you!
By the way, your check is in the mail.
@Susan: Thanks! And yes, I agree with you — sarcasm is either something you get or you don’t. I know it’s often said that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor, but I’ve always just assumed the people who say that are bitter because they’re bad at it.
Great quote, by the way!
;-) 7.22.08 at 5:04 am:
There was an article in the Seattle Times yesterday that I was reading about online blogs. Long story short the author was talking about how blogs are an infection over the internet and so forth “Thinking about blogging? Please don’t” or something to that effect. For the most part I agree that the majority of bloggers come off as self-righteous and moronic. You sir…are neither. I bow to you and give you two very enthusiastic thumbs up. d(O.O)b
PS: He’s clearly a nazi
;-) 7.22.08 at 11:02 am:
I second Steve.
;-) 7.22.08 at 10:23 pm:
No, you’re not vain or boorish. You’re an awesome darling. I have spoken.
BTW, I wasn’t Stumbled Upon (that I know of) but a reader did write to me recently and demanded to know the “point” of my blog. She asked if I thought myself an aspiring comedian and wondered if I thought my life was so wonderful and others so unfortunate not to be me, that I had to provide everyone on the Internet with a play-by-play of my every thought, move, and action. When I inquired if she was familiar with the concept of blogging and asked, pray tell whose life and experiences am I qualified to write about besides my own, SHE became exceedingly boorish and angry and rude and incoherent. We parted ways at that point.
So … as you were, mate. In the words of a Johnny Depp character: “In my experience, those who do not like you fall into two categories: the stupid and the envious. The stupid will like you in five years time; the envious, never.”
;-) 7.24.08 at 10:47 am:
[...] handsome, fashion savvy man in his late 20s. He can be identified by a very smug-looking smile, a boorish attitude, and his tendency to take pictures with his head tilted [...]
;-) 7.25.08 at 11:00 am:
[...] President of the United States, I decided to pray on the matter. Shortly thereafter, I received a bad blog review where I was accused of being boorish, cruel, smug and vain by one reader. These sound bad, but they [...]
;-) 7.25.08 at 10:22 pm:
What a d-bag. You’re awesome. But you already know that because you tell us daily. lol
;-) 7.27.08 at 12:33 am:
This is the first thing I’ve read of yours. Go ahead and roll around in your smugosity, you ARE awesome. Still, you know you asked for feedback so everyone would tell you how great you are, It’s like you’re your own therapist too making sure you get your emotional needs met, way to go multi-talented, multi-tasker.
;-) 11.4.08 at 1:24 am:
[...] and leave many many many comments about how funny and witty and smart and awesome Kevin is, and how cruel and boorish he is not. (My check’s in the mail, right Kev? [...]