How to Ace that Next Job Interview
by theycallmetim on July 21, 2008 

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The following is a guest post from my brother, Tim. You might remember him from his co-starring roles in Twins Reunited by Awesome Dude and Awesome Dude’s Brother and The Greatest E-mail Exchange in the History of the World. Or you might remember him for any of the numerous great posts he’s submitted in the past. Check those out here after you’ve read and enjoyed his latest!

Are you job hunting? Perhaps, despite the fact you submitted a resume consisting of, “yo, fool, hire me!” written in crayon, you got that interview with the big Fortune 500 company. And now you are worried your social ineptness will hinder your chances of landing that job. Well, you’re in luck my friend. Even with your sub-par computer skills, you happened upon the one internet article written by the one guy who can help.

“What makes me qualified,” you might ask?

I just am, okay?

First, always start the interview with a joke about midgets. Everybody loves laughing at/about midgets, and this will surely endear you to the hiring manager at the beginning and possibly distract him from noticing any obvious character flaws because he is still amused by why the midget crossed the road.

If your interviewer happens to be a midget, you’re in luck. Pick him up, hold him like a baby, and make a bunch of baby talk about how he is a poop machine and you are going to change his diapy - he will think it is hilarious.

Also, don’t think any past experience is irrelevant. Remember, big companies want people with diverse backgrounds. Just try to shed light about how your past jobs built skill sets that are applicable to the job you are interviewing for. For example, your last job clubbing baby seals taught you time management.

Confidence is key. Even if you walk into the interview with your zipper down and toilet paper stuck to your shoe, be sure to act like you meant to do it and make fun of everybody else for being conformist pigs. The interviewer will respect your confidence and think to himself, “now this is a guy who will lead.”

While everybody else interviewing for the job will be talking themselves up, you can stand out and seem less pretentious by putting on a skit about your stronger points. Remember a picture is worth a thousands words, so sitting next to a cardboard box with a contemplating look will far better drive home the message that you can think outside the box than just stating so.

Lastly, just be yourself. That is, of course, unless not being yourself will give you a better chance at getting the job. If that is the case, then be anything but yourself.

Now, go. And land that job of your dreams.