A 2,063 Word Interview with Angi
by kev on July 27, 2008 

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To make amends for tricking her into writing an entire post dedicated to me and my blogs, I offered to interview Angi of We Sleep for Dreaming and post the interview here at SKOS.

Angi and I have known each other for quite a while, which is probably obvious to anyone who has read her comments on my site or my comments on hers. And if it wasn’t obvious, well…it will be after reading this interview.

Welcome, Angi. How are you this fine morning?

Hi Kevin. I’m great, thanks, it’s almost the weekend!

Actually, it’s just “Kev.” I’ll let it slide just this once, but…watch yourself, okay? Seriously. Anyway, before we begin, can I get you anything? Water? Coke Zero? A cookie?

Oh. Sorry, um, Kev. Actually, some iced tea would be great!

It’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. I even made a mistake once. It happens. The key is just making sure it never, ever, ever happens again. Seriously…

Iced tea it is! Hey, I thought iced tea was a Southern thing? Have you ever lived in the South? Or have you been in Washington all your life?

Um, it won’t happen again. Promise. As far as living in the South, well, I lived in Oklahoma for almost 5 years. You pretty much can’t help becoming addicted to iced tea, it’s practically a religion down there.

That is very true! That’s right. I completely forgot (for the purpose of this interview) you used to live in Oklahoma. How would you describe Oklahoma to someone who has never visited? Would you ever live there again?

Oklahoma is…flat! Compared to some states it’s probably not AS bad, but compared to Washington and all our mountainous glory, it’s like a pancake. It was okay, although I can’t say I’d jump at the chance to live there again!

Interesting. I think you’d enjoy Georgia. It’s flat when it needs to be and not flat when it doesn’t. It’s perfectly balanced.

Speaking of segues, you and I have known each other for quite a while haven’t we? As a courtesy to our readers, how is it that you became addicted to the awesome goodness that is my writing? (In other words, how did we meet?)

Well, maybe I’ll just have to see this perfectly balanced state for myself someday. But I still say Washington scenery trumps ALL!

Yes, yes we have known each other quite a while. A little over two and a half years, I believe. Back in the day, we both had Xanga journals and you just happened to leave me a comment - January of 2006, actually, if I recall correctly - and the rest is history!

Wow, you have a great memory. Has it really been 2 1/2 years? That makes you my longest-tenured reader. Why do you suppose you and I have been able to stay connected all this time? Am I really THAT funny?

Yep, OVER 2 1/2 years considering it’s almost August. Crazy, right? Um, as far as staying connected, I think it’s a good balance between our unique senses of humor, similar morals and values, and our shared love for all things low-calorie. That’s just my opinion. It started with Xanga, incorporated your original Duh! Magazine, and turned into SKOS. You’re like crack, really.

Sorry about that. It’s a common problem. As I like to say, “Once you go Kev you never go back.” Have I mentioned I am really, really bad at rhyming?

I think your opinion is spot on, though. We just have a lot in common. We both like baseball, the Food Network, cats, good grooming habits, Coke Zero, hamburgers cooked medium well or well, any movie where Dane Cook dies…

What am I forgetting?

It’s okay. We can’t all be rhymers, all the time.

Let’s see. You’re forgetting M. Night Shyamalan movies, The Office, Subway sandwiches, Crest toothpaste, peanut butter, and our mutual hatred of Jessica Biel. I’ve been meaning to tell you, I think she and Dane Cook should do a movie together where she tries to act simultaneously tough and sexy and he laughs at his own jokes a lot, and in the end, they both die in a nuclear plant meltdown.

Oh, I love it. Can Nicolas Cage have a supporting role in the movie? I think the ridiculously intense overacting only he can provide would be a perfect compliment to this awful, awful – but ultimately feel good – movie!

Ooooh brilliant. He could play the overrated hero who tries to save everyone but ends up dying first. He will have one liners like, “Watch out!!! Behind you!!!” in that tone that only he can deliver. Box office magic, I dare say.

Maybe a Hollywood producer will read this and give us a call. Of course, I’m still waiting for someone to green light my idea for a Sammy Davis Jr. biopic starring Keanu Reeves. Frankly, I think the idea is brilliant.

Speaking of brilliant, I’ve had people ask me about the very funny Cats Love SKOS blog post from a few weeks ago. People assume I wrote it, but I quickly assure them I did not. So when they ask me who DID write it, I have to tell them I don’t know. The e-mail was anonymous. However, curiously, YOU – despite being my longest-tenured reader – have never asked me about it.

Do tell, Angi. What would you say to someone who suspected it was YOU who wrote the blog piece in question?!

If the Hollywood producer calls about our Biel/Cook/Cage movie, I’m pretty sure we will make enough money from that to become independently wealthy and make your Sammy Davis Jr. movie ourselves. It’s a win-win situation, really.

Ah yes, the “Cats Love SKOS” blog. Wait……you mean a cat didn’t really write that??

That’s the word on the street. Frankly, I’d love to believe there is a genius cat out there reading my blog. It would be further proof as to why cats are better than dogs.

So, are you saying you DIDN’T write it??

I’ll just say this. Whoever wrote it possesses a very unique writing style and a pretty stellar sense of humor, and I hope they plan on actually publishing something someday. I’m sure they’d give you the first autographed copy.

Talk about dodging a question! You should be a politician. Speaking of politics, you have been very vocal in support of my potential candidacy for President of the U.S. someday down the road. Why do you think I would be a good President?

Well, personally, I’m a big fan of your “One Day Work Week” position. That one is definitely a winner. But I have to say, I am equally as impressed with your declaration to drill for oil in Canada, as well as forcing Americans to become financially secure. I’m pretty sure I left this in a comment for you, but my vote for you would be solid if you could promise to jail people who waste money when their bills aren’t paid and they have no retirement funds, and then give their money to someone less fortunate [coughs] - like me, for example.

Does it concern you at all I would be an unmarried President? With the exception of Bill Clinton, I don’t know of any U.S. President who didn’t have a loving wife to keep him in check.

Hmm. I wouldn’t say it concerns me, exactly, but you might want to get working on that.

You’ve been talking to my mom haven’t you?

She says hi.

Oh joy. Listen, seriously, don’t let her give you the “Kevin is so great” sales pitch. She’s perfected that thing. Close your eyes! Cover your ears!!

Why would I need to be told something I already know? …….Have I reached my butt-kissing quota yet?

Not yet. As you know, that particular quota is quite difficult to reach.

Yes, I do know this fact, first hand. Hey, wait a second. Who exactly is this interview about, me or you? Sneaky sneaky…

My bad. Okay, let’s talk about you. Mid-twenties, female, single…do tell, Angi. What is up with that?

You tell me, you’re a dude! What’s a girl gotta do to get a nice, mature, God-fearing guy?

Well, let’s see if we can figure this out. First, where have you been looking?

The bar. Ok, ok, just kidding people, don’t get any wrong ideas. Actually, I HAVEN’T been looking. I’m told that’s when the perfect guy tends to fall into your lap.

See, there is your problem. You’re not looking. What if the perfect guy has bad eyesight? He’ll try to fall into your lap, but he’ll miss and fall face first on the floor.

Well, speaking as a person who has bad eyesight as well, you tend to make up for your lack of vision by upping your other senses. I’m not too worried about it. I’m sure, if said guy has bad eyesight, he’ll feel his way into my lap one way or the other.

I’ll refrain from asking what would happen if said guy had no hands and was deaf.

Well, other than pray, I think the only other thing you can do is train yourself to be able to recognize a “nice, mature, God-fearing guy” when you meet one. You need to be able to pick such a guy out of a lineup. Can you do that?

Well, years of experience have told me EXACTLY what I DO NOT want, so I’d say yes. At this point, I could make a living off picking those kinds of guys out of lineups. Seriously. I could probably start a business. I’d call it “Burn Those Red Flags!” Most lucrative career I could possibly have, matter of fact…

What are some of the red flags? I hope “used to wear snake skin cowboy boots” isn’t one of them. Otherwise, I might stay eternally single.

First of all, the most obvious red flag, is that he doesn’t go to church and doesn’t put God first in everything he does. Granted, that may not be a red flag for EVERYone, but it should be. Then, you have things like not managing finances well, personal hygiene taking a backseat to laziness and entertainment, his house/apartment/bedroom/car being consistently messy, that sort of thing. Seemingly insignificant details have a tendency to snowball into bigger and bigger issues! And no. “Used to wear snakeskin cowboy boots” is not on the list. Tapered jeans, though….ah I’m kidding, Kev. *wink*

Well, that’s certainly a relief. “Jesus Take the Wheel” is my ring tone, so I have that part covered. I’m borderline anal when it comes to finances and frugality, so I’m good there. I smell awesome, so a big check on that one. I’m not a neat freak by any stretch of the imagination, but for a guy I’m pretty clean. Hey, maybe I won’t stay eternally single after all!

Okay, since we’ve just about reached the point where this interview will be too long for anyone in their right mind to read in its entirety, let’s wrap it up with a lightning round of questions and answers. I’ll throw out a quick question, and you give me a brief answer.

What is your take on mullets?

Sounds like you’d be the kind of guy I’d pick out of a lineup! OK, let’s see. Mullets are evil. Enough said.

You have now met your butt-kissing quota. Congratulations!

Capri pants. Thumbs up or thumbs down?

Sweet!! Capri pants. Thumbs up for girls ONLY, and ONLY if they shave regularly.

Speaking on behalf of guys everywhere, AMEN!

What was the most pointless movie sequel of all time?

It’s a toss-up between Free Willy (2 and 3) or Alien v. Predator.

Good answers. I would have also accepted any of the “Leprechaun” sequels or “The Whole Ten Yards.”

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Five years…finished with my master’s degree, working in my career field, married, and getting started on a kid or three or five.

Okay, and to wrap it up, I will let YOU ask ME one question. Any question you like. I promise to answer it truthfully.

What is the meaning of life?

The meaning of life is to have a living relationship with God.

I know that’s not a funny answer, but I said I’d answer truthfully. That answer is the best I could do with what you gave me.

You pass. Exactly the answer I was looking for and hoping you would give.

Well, good. Angi, it’s been a pleasure. I know the feeling is mutual since I’m incredibly awesome, so you don’t have to bother saying it.

Maybe someday I’ll let you interview me. If you’re lucky.

I look forward to maybe someday having that honor! Thanks Kevin - er, Kev - it’s been fun!

Indeed.

Major kudos to anyone who had the stamina to read this entire interview. Was it insightful? I think so. Was it long? Yes, definitely. Was it the greatest interview in the history of interviews? Well, I think that goes without saying.

A comment or two or ten is always welcomed and appreciated!