Friday Four: My Favorite Blog Posts

It’s a little hard for me to believe, but I have been blogging now for a shade under 3 1/2 years.

It all began with a humble little Xanga site. Xanga begot a free WordPress blog, free WordPress blog begot a blog I opened with an ex-girlfriend, blog I opened with ex-girlfriend begot the free WordPress blog again, and free WordPress blog begot Special Kind of Stupid.

It has been a crazy ride full of laughter, stupidity, awesomeness and begots.

So, for this week’s Friday Four, I am going to list four of the favorite blog posts I have written. Long-time readers will already know these, but newer readers or readers who have never taken time to go through my archives could be seeing these for the first time. Either way, I hope you enjoy.

One

What Happened to The Dell Dude?

Overview:
In a story almost too sad to be true, the answer to the “What happened to that Dell dude?” question is answered.

Favorite Excerpt:
Cops, lawyers, and media members banded together in an effort to rid society of “Steven.” On February 9, 2003, Curtis was arrested for attempting to buy a small bag of marijuana.

“I was in my apartment taking a nap when some cops knocked down my front door, threw a bag of weed at me and shouted, ‘no we will not sell you marijuana!’”

Added Curtis, as he rummaged through a nearby garbage can, “I was framed.”

“It’s true,” responded arresting officer Frank Stallone. “We framed that boy good.”

Background Story:
Long before I began blogging, I remember being really, really annoyed with those Dell commercials with that “Steven” character. The day he was arrested for buying marijuana, which ultimately led to the end of those annoying commercials, was a happy day for me.

This blog post was written when I asked out loud, to no one in particular, “I wonder what happened to the annoying Dell Dude guy?” I’d like to think my recount is pretty darn close to the truth.

Two

Part One – Braves “Put Down” Pitcher, Tell Players He Went to Live on Farm

Part Two – Atlanta Braves to Face Brain Eating Zombie

Overview, Part One:
In an act of mercy, the Atlanta Braves have put pitcher Mark Redman to sleep.

Overview, Part Two:
One year after being put to sleep, Mark Redman is back to exact his revenge on the Atlanta Braves.

Favorite Excerpt, Part One:
“A few players asked us what we were talking about in our meeting, but once the pizza and clown arrived they quickly forgot all about it,” said pitching coach Roger McDowell.

Favorite Excerpt, Part Two:
In an act of self preservation, third baseman Chipper Jones is attempting to convince backup infielder Martin Prado that bathing in olive oil and oregano will help him become a better player.

“Martin’s young and doesn’t speak English very well, so I think I can get him to do it,” remarked Jones.

Background Story:
I wrote the original “Braves ‘Put Down’ Pitcher…” blog post after hearing the news the Braves had finally cut ties with pitcher Mark Redman, who was dreadful in his short time with the team. I have no clue where I came up with the idea of writing a fake news story stating Redman had been euthanized by the team. It just struck me as funny at the time.

Well, a year later, Redman was set to pitch AGAINST the Braves as a member of the Colorado Rockies. Even though literally no one would have brought it up or even cared, I decided I needed to write a follow-up blog post that explained how a pitcher I wrote had been put to sleep was somehow able to pitch again. My solution: He’s a zombie.

Three

Twins Reunited by Awesome Dude and Awesome Dude’s Brother

Overview:
Identical twins, born nearly two years apart, have finally been reunited.

Favorite Excerpt:
After a few more email exchanges, Tim and Kevin came to the realization that Heath and Matt were two different people. “Naturally, we came to the only logical conclusion anyone could make in such a situation,” said Kevin.

“Matt and Heath were identical twins who needed to be reunited.”

Background Story:
Back in my Xanga blogging days, there was a fellow Xangan who commented frequently at my site by the name of Matt Birnie. One day, I wrote a blog post about him. That post included a photo of Matt that he had put on his own Xanga site. Well, my brother read this one day and asked about it. He wondered where I’d found the photo. When I asked him why, he explained that it looked exactly like a friend of his by the name of Heath Clark.

My brother showed Heath the picture of Matt, and he took a picture of himself doing the same pose as Matt did in his picture. Heath gave it to my brother, who gave it to me. I took it and used it to write the work of fiction Twins Reunited by Awesome Dude and Awesome Dude’s Brother. This is quite possibly the favorite thing I’ve ever written.

Four

God Answers Critics, Sentences Paris Hilton to Jail

Overview:
To once and for all prove His existence, God sends Paris Hilton to jail.

Favorite Excerpt:
“I was so certain God didn’t exist, but this has completely altered my outlook,” remarked atheist Dan Ryder of Omaha, Nebraska.

“God is real. And He is awesome.”

Background Story:
Paris Hilton was being sent to prison. I was ecstatic and had to write something about it. What I settled on was the idea that EVERYONE in the world was ecstatic about it, and that everyone would be thanking God for her incarceration. That quickly shifted to the idea where God was responsible for sending her to prison because He wanted to prove to everyone He really existed.

And there you have it. Four of my favorite blog posts of past 3.33 or so years. I hope you enjoyed them half as much as I enjoyed writing them. Considering how overly enamored I sometimes am with my own work, I realize this hope might be a tad optimistic. But I digress.

So, what do YOU think of these old blog posts? Are you reading them for the first time? Have you already read them over and over? Would you like me to point out some more favorites of mine to save you the hassle of having to go through all my archives? As usual, please leave a comment or two or ten! It’s very much appreciated.

About Kevin

Who am I? I am a cipher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kevin and I own this here website.

5 thoughts on “Friday Four: My Favorite Blog Posts

  1. Let’s see. As far as how many times I’ve read those, I’d say I’ve read each one an average of 38.4209 times. But they just never get old…how DO you do that??

    With all your “begots”, I felt like I was reading the first 8 chapters of Matthew. (OK, not really 8 chapters, but it feels like you’ve read that much by the time you’ve waded through all the “begots” and names you can’t pronounce!)

    You know what might be fun? When I have kids someday, open up the first 16 verses of Matthew, close my eyes, and point. Whatever name I point to – that’s my child’s name. It could either be awesome, or disastrous…

  2. Whoa, a “Best of SKOS”? Don’t those “greatest hits” things usually surface at the end of one’s career when there’s little to no hope for another masterpiece? Hmmm…may it never be, Kev.

  3. God is indeed real, and He is awesome, and so are you Kev dear, only in a slightly different way. I love all your posts. They are like friends to me. I need more friends. Please do not stop writing! I blow you a kiss …

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