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Avril Lavigne is Sexy? Good One, Malaysia!
August 18, 2008
Blog
13

Some news headlines immediately capture your attention.

Some capture your attention because they are painfully obvious (Example: Fast Food, Fat Children). Some capture your attention because they make your home state sound moronic (Example: Georgia Men Claim Hairy, Frozen Corpse is Bigfoot). And others capture your attention because they’re about something you have been praying for as long as you can remember (Example: Paris Hilton Sentenced to 45 Days in Jail).

And then there are the news headlines so ridiculous they actually make you spit your beverage onto the poor co-worker sitting next to you.

Such a headline greeted me this morning:

Avril Lavigne ‘Too Sexy’ (story)

Too what now?

These words, arranged in this manner, do not register in my brain.

Okay, let’s back up a little. Apparently, Miss Lavigne is set to have a concert soon in Malaysia. And how does that make the people of Malaysia feel? Not good, apparently.

“It’s not good for viewers in Malaysia,” said Kamarulzaman Mohamed, a party official. “We don’t want our people, our teenagers, influenced by their performance. We want clean artists, artists that are good role models.”

Okay, at this point, I am 100% on board with Malaysia’s message. Avril Lavigne’s music stinks. Right on, Malaysia. Right on!

But then they lost me.

“It (her on-stage performance) is considered too sexy for us,” said Mohamed.

Come again?

If you want to say Miss Lavigne’s stage moves are too “adult” or “provocative,” that’s one thing. However, in my mind, “sexy” implies something else – something I do not get in the slightest.

I am sure, to some out there, Avril Lavigne might be considered sexy. However, to me, the words “Avril Lavigne” and “sexy” go together about as well as “Clay Aiken” and “straight.”

Allow to briefly list things I believe to be sexier than Avril Lavigne:

My stapler
Post-it notes
Computer monitors
Pencils
Keyboards
Speakers

(To those wondering if I am simply naming off items that are nearby, the answer is yes. Yes I am.)

Carpet
Cell phones
Napkins from Subway
The back of my hands
My desk
Dust
My John Smoltz bobblehead

I don’t write this to be mean. I’m sure there are men out there who believe she is the greatest thing since the invention of Casual Fridays. To them I say, keep on truckin’, buddy. But me, personally, I just don’t see it.

(A quick trip to the restroom has given me more things to add to my list.)

Urinal cakes
Hand soap
Running water
Paper towels
My reflection in the mirror
My hands covered in hand soap

I’m pretty sure I will come across more things to add to this list on my commute home. Stay tuned.

(Yep. Yep, I did.)

Blue station wagons
Stop signs
Drivers who think you can’t see them picking their nose
Green station wagons
Drivers who think you can’t see them singing
Roadkill

So, what do all of you think? Is there a celebrity most people consider attractive with which you totally and completely disagree? Personally, I would add Kate Beckinsale, Anna Faris and Angelina Jolie to this list. How about YOU? As always, feel free to leave a comment or two or ten.

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