“Vanity, definitely my favorite sin.”

The above quote was the closing line from The Devil’s Advocate, a movie that portrayed Al Pacino as the devil and Keanu Reeves as the devil’s son. I don’t know about the former, but methinks the latter is pretty spot on. But I digress…

I’m not a fan of ANY sin, but vanity would have to get my vote for the sin most likely to give me a good laugh. Vain people are hilarious — unintentionally, of course. Their exaggerated sense of self-importance is soaked in everything they say or do.

For example, a vain person is the kind of person who, upon hearing you are naming your first son “Bill,” immediately assumes you are naming the child after him because his name is Bill. The fact your name is Bill, your father’s name is Bill, and your grandfather’s name was Bill is completely lost on a vain person.

See? Hilarious. It’s even more hilarious when this same person tells you not to circumcise his namesake because he wasn’t circumcised.

Vanity is everywhere these days. You can’t escape it.

You have Hollywood celebrities who think people actually want to hear who they support in the upcoming Presidential election.

“My name is Gwyneth Paltrow. I’m American, but now I talk in a British accent and live in London. This November, vote for Obama. Why? Because I’m Gwyneth Paltrow, you bloody git!”

You have exes all over the world who believe anything their former boyfriend or girlfriend does is either a wink at them or blatant act of disrespect towards them.

“I can’t believe he took her to McDonald’s. We used to go to McDonald’s! I bet he ordered french fries, too. That jerk!”

You have blog readers who think half of what is written is a reference to them in some way.

“How dare that blogger write about a girl he thought was a guy. He must have heard about the time I took out that ‘girl’ with the large hands and deep voice, and now he’s mocking me! ‘She’ said her name was Carol, gosh darn it! How was I supposed to know?!”

You have bloggers who think people actually care about the most mundane details of their lives.

“This one time, I had ants in my car. Another time, the break room at my work ran out of vanilla coffee creamer. And this one time, my contact lenses started to bother me. Hollywood should so totally make a movie about my awesome life.”

You have cats who think every time their owner open a can it means they are about to be fed.

“Meow.”

Vanity and her close cousin, selfishness, are taking over society. Honestly, it’s becoming a huge problem. I can’t throw a rock out a window without overhearing some guy go on and on about how injured he is or how much pain he is in.

The world’s doesn’t revolve around you, buddy. How about a little sympathy for me, eh? That was my favorite rock.

On the bright side, at least we can all get a good laugh as we watch the world go to Hades in a hand basket.

Have any of YOU come across any particularly ridiculous acts of vanity lately? If so, share them with everyone. Don’t have anything worthwhile to share? That’s okay. Just leave a comment or two or ten that talks about how great I am.