In a story that has me thinking back to my days as a teacher and wondering if the balding student with two kids was older than he let on, the following hit the news wire on Friday:

A 33-year-old woman (Wendy Brown of Green Bay) is charged with stealing her daughter’s identity to attend high school and join the cheerleading team.

She allegedly attended cheerleading practices before school started, received a cheerleader’s locker and went to a pool party at the cheerleading coach’s house.

The article goes on to say the woman has a history of identity theft crimes.

Honestly, I don’t even know where to go with this one. It’s so ridiculous, there are two directions I could go with it. So, rather than limit myself, I’m going to take both of them.

To Her Teachers and Cheerleading Coach

What is wrong with you, people?

This isn’t Hollywood. Just because producers will cast actors and actresses in their mid-20s as high school students, it doesn’t mean those actors are believable in those roles. Heck, back in the day, Luke Perry was 25 years old when he pretended to be a high school sophomore during the first season of Beverly Hills 90210. And do you know what he looked like? A freakin’ 25 year old! There is no way even a youthful-looking 33-year-old could pass as a high school freshman.

I know teachers are in precarious positions and often can’t express concerns you might have, but come on. I taught students who looked old for their age. But at 15, “old” means you could pass for 18 — not 33!

Didn’t any of you think it was odd when you overheard her telling the girl sitting next to her, “Debbie Gibson and Tiffany were way better than stupid Miley Cyrus?”

Didn’t you think her acid wash jeans were a bit dated?

Cheerleader coach, didn’t you think it was strange for her to have an “I love Marky Mark” tattoo on her lower back?

Heck, didn’t any of you think the way she introduced herself (“Amy Brown. I’m 15 years old. I swear!”) was a tad unusual?

To Wendy Jones

Since I have theorized that approximately 94% of my readers are criminals, I know there is a pretty decent chance you will read this.

First off, I have to congratulate you for getting as far as you did. I mean, look at you. I could pass as a 60-year-old more believably than you could pass for a 15-year-old. I don’t know how you fooled everyone, but kudos.

Secondly, I hope you won’t let this setback discourage you. Sure, you will not be able to steal your daughter’s identity again. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have MORE kids and steal THEIR identities.

If you had a boy, you could steal his identity and discover what it’s like to be a Boy Scout. Wait a few more years and you’ll get to see what it’s like to be a nervous 13-year-old asking out a girl for a date. And, shortly thereafter, you (as the mom) could tell yourself (as the son) all about the birds and the bees.

In short, I admire you. Parents have been living vicariously through their children since the beginning of time.

However, you had the determination and courage to say, “the heck with that” and cut out the middle man.

So, what do YOU think of this unusual story? What were your first thoughts upon hearing it? As always, feel free to leave a comment or two or ten.