I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
As happens approximately once every three or four years, I went to bed before 9:00 last night. Ten hours of sleep plus caffeine this morning has my brain performing at peak efficiency. Seriously, I’m remembering things I long ago forgot and I’m having epiphanies that are, like, scary insightful.
For example, my high school locker combination was 10-24-32.
The girl in my freshman English class, who also worked in the college cafeteria, was named Penny. In my head, I named her “Pretty Penny” — after the Stone Temple Pilots’ song.
I batted .581 my senior year of high school baseball.
Today is my three-year anniversary at my current place of employment.
The name of the kid in kindergarten none of us liked was Dominic. I don’t remember why we didn’t like him, though. He probably ate glue or something.
Even though he owned a toothbrush and toothpaste, I cannot remember a single instance where my freshman dorm mate Denis brushed his teeth.
Dionne Farris! That’s the name of that girl who had that song that was a hit way back when. Man, that’s been bugging me for years.
Pretty amazing I remember all of that, don’t you think? If you think that’s something, my most profound epiphany occurred to me just a few minutes ago.
In 1997, I took my first girlfriend to see Jennifer Aniston’s movie Picture Perfect in Atlanta. We broke up the next day.
In 2007, though we had officially broken up a couple weeks earlier, I took a girl to see the Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore romantic comedy Music & Lyrics. The following day, she moved to the other side of the country.
What does it all mean?
Well, it means it’s probably wise for me to never take my future wife to go see a romantic comedy in movie theaters anytime during the year 2017.
If history is any indication, doing so would result in my being single the following day.
Have YOU had any epiphanies lately? Feel free to share them with everyone by leaving a comment or two or ten!
;-) 10.3.08 at 11:28 am:
Or maybe you just shouldn’t take your future wife to any dumb romantic comedies in the year 2017…
;-) 10.3.08 at 12:28 pm:
@Angi: Did you just call “Music & Lyrics” a dumb romantic comedy??
;-) 10.3.08 at 12:52 pm:
It wasn’t as dumb as Picture Perfect, but it was relatively close. I feel somewhat blasphemous saying that, being a musician and all, but I suppose that technically gives me a little more credibility…right?
;-) 10.3.08 at 1:03 pm:
@Angi: So, if I had taken you to see Music & Lyrics, you would have turned to me when it was over and told me it was dumb?
That hurts. You didn’t think Hugh Grant was funny?
;-) 10.3.08 at 2:14 pm:
I’ve never seen either of those movies! What does that mean? Am I culturally illiterate? Should I rent them so I can be “in the know”?
Anyway, since 2017 is still a long way off, there’s a good chance you will get married before then–and then you won’t have to wear string on your finger for a whole stinking year. Say you aren’t married in 2017, though. How could you get around the romantic comedies? Would she buy the explanation you provide or just think you were trying to avoid spending time with her? It’s something to consider.
;-) 10.3.08 at 2:21 pm:
Of course not. I have way more tact than that.
Actually, I liked Drew Barrymore better than HG…
;-) 10.3.08 at 2:31 pm:
@Erin: Angi will obviously disagree since she believes both movies are crap, but I definitely think you should rent both movies so that you can be “in the know.” Rent them both this weekend and then review them on your Xanga. What do you think? See, I just gave you blogging material. I’m super duper.
Well, married or not come 2017, I could still find myself single the next day if history repeats itself. I mean, I don’t believe in divorce, but that doesn’t mean this curse of mine doesn’t believe in it.
As for whether she would buy my explanation, that’s a good question. You’re a girl. Would you buy it? Angi, would you buy it? To all my female readers, would ANY of you buy it? If the answers are resounding nos, I have less than 9 years to think of a backup plan…
@Angi: More tact, eh? So, what…you’d turn to me and say, “Are you stupid? Why did you think I would like this movie?”
And no way Drew is better than Hugh Grant. Hugh is comic gold. He’s the only thing that makes 99% of romantic comedies even watchable.
;-) 10.3.08 at 2:55 pm:
I didn’t say they were “crap”. I said they were “dumb”. Which, they were. There are way better romantic comedies than those two. However, if you need a movie to watch while you simultaneously cook dinner, clip your toenails, knit a scarf and vacuum the living room, then be my guest.
I wouldn’t buy your excuse, no, since men are notorious for trying to get out of watching chick flicks.
I’ll give you that Hugh was great in Notting Hill. But his roomie stole half that show. But come on. Drew Barrymore? Never Been Kissed? The Wedding Singer? Lucky You? 50 First Dates? ET???
;-) 10.3.08 at 2:59 pm:
@Angi: Wait, hold the phone…
You clip your toenails and cook dinner at the same time??
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Okay, that seals it. You can never cook for me. I’ll cook for you. You and your toenails can be in another room far, far, far, FAR away.
As for Drew Barrymore, I’ll give you ET. The chemistry between her and the alien…well, let’s just say Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan have nothing on those two.
;-) 10.3.08 at 3:02 pm:
I didn’t say I clipped my toenails at the same time as cooking dinner. I said if you wanted to.
;-) 10.3.08 at 3:04 pm:
@Angi. Hmmmmm. Okay, but so help me if I find a toenail in my food…
;-) 10.3.08 at 3:57 pm:
If a guy told me he had a curse like that I wouldn’t buy it. In fact, I’d run for the hills…maybe that’s part of the curse. You can’t really talk about it.
I can’t watch the movies this weekend, I’m working at my other job. Aw, too bad! I’m crushed. By the way, “super duper”? I thought you were “awesome”.
Reading Angi’s list of Drew Barrymore’s movies made me realize something. I really AM culturally illiterate. I’ve never seen ET.
;-) 10.3.08 at 4:11 pm:
@Erin: This curse sucks.
I think you should skip the other job thing and rent the movies. Trust me on this one. Have I ever steered you wrong? By the way, “Super Duper” is a synonym for awesome. You didn’t know that?
You’ve never seen ET? Gosh, I hope I didn’t ruin the movie for you by mentioning Drew Barrymore’s amazing chemistry with the alien in my earlier comment.
;-) 10.3.08 at 5:24 pm:
LOL I kinda threw up a little at the thought of toenail clipping and cooking simultaneously, too. And I’ve also never seen ET. I did like Wedding Singer and 50 First Dates, but Adam Sandler rocks. Now another good Drew movie was Firestarter, and did you know (I didn’t make the connection at first) that the guy who played her dad played in Brubaker, also? (another great flick, but I have a thing for sexy old guys like Robert Redford and Sean Connery and even Chuck Norris, who has a great hiney for an old guy….)
OMG I’m so off the point. NO, KEV. You must NEVER speak of this curse to anyone of the opposite sex you are even remotely interested in. PERIOD. I can totally groove on the revelation of epiphanies, though – and they don’t even need to be caffeine induced, although MYSELF I would never be able to tell the difference, caffeine or not, since I Mainline Mountain Dew
(You can thank Diesel for that one, since I totally stole the idea from him LOL)
Angie’s last blog post: This is My Point
;-) 10.3.08 at 6:32 pm:
You don’t remember me? I thought we had something special.
I don’t have any epiphanies because I can’t remember a damn thing.
;-) 10.4.08 at 2:05 am:
Your college roommate never brushed his teeth?? ICK! Interestingly enough- all the ads I can see right now have to do with teeth-whitening. LOL
Corrina’s last blog post: Brain Leakage Part Deux
;-) 10.4.08 at 9:48 am:
I just had an epiphany that I am thankful my wife likes the same movies I do: Sci-Fi! woo hoo!
Josh H.’s last blog post: Let Barack “do his thug thizzle”: Will someone please just let Obama “do his thang”?