This site and the movie The Ring have a lot in common.

For one thing, both Naomi Watts, the movie’s star, and I are easy on the eyes. We are also both incredibly humble.

Both this site and the movie received mediocre reviews from film critic Roger Ebert. He said the The Ring’s story, “goes beyond contrivance (and) into the dizzy realms of the absurd.” Regarding SKOS he said, “This is not a movie. It’s a blog. Leave me alone or I will call the police.”

However, the main thing the movie and this site have in common is what happens to people who do not tell others about it. In the movie, if you watched a certain videotape you would die within seven days if you did not show the tape to someone else. SKOS is the same way. Once you have visited it, you have seven days to tell someone about it. Or else…

…you die.

Of course, unlike the movie, this seven-day countdown begins anew each time you visit the site. If you tell someone about the site once, that doesn’t make you safe forever. You have to keep telling people. Over and over.

If you’ve ever wondered what happened to people who used to visit the site, but then seemed to drop off the face of the earth, now you know. Rest in peace, my deceased friends. Rest in peace.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why it hadn’t occurred to me before now that I should let people know about this little tidbit. You’d think this would be the kind of important detail I’d want to make sure people knew.

Huh. Oh well.

“I don’t want to die!,” some of you might be thinking.

Calm down. What was it Mel Gibson said in the movie Braveheart?

“Hey, do I tell you how to lay eggs?

Wait, that isn’t it. That’s from Chicken Run. What was it he said in Braveheart? Oh yes, I remember.

“Every man dies, not every man really lives.”

I think a strong argument could be made that you’re not really living if you aren’t telling at least one person about SKOS each week.

Fine. I’ll help you out. You are all just too adorable for me let you meet untimely demises.

Now, some of you have put SKOS in your blogrolls. Assuming at least one person sees SKOS in your blogroll each week, you’re safe. But if your site was to go down for several days, you could be in trouble.

Some of you have verbally told people about the site in day-to-day conversation. On the surface, this probably seems like a surefire way to avoid the curse. However, if the person you’re talking to wasn’t paying attention, it doesn’t count. I know it’s unfair, but unfortunately I don’t make the rules.

The safest solution is to not put all your eggs into one basket. You need multiple avenues to spread the awesome that is SKOS. That way you can be reasonably sure at least one of them will stick.

Thankfully, there are quite a few avenues available.

Pigeon Carrier

You probably thought transporting messages via pigeons was a thing of the past, but you would be very wrong, my friend. If you’re wanting your message to stand out, ask yourself this question:

“Wouldn’t I pay extra attention to a message delivered to me by a pigeon?”

The answer is yes. Yes you would.

Share This

You have probably noticed the “Share This” icon at the top of every post. If you click it, you are able to share that particular blog post with numerous social networks. It’s pretty much your one-stop-shop for sharing the magic that is SKOS with others. However, most of those social networks I couldn’t care less about. No one uses them.

StumbleUpon

You will find this icon at the bottom of every blog post. This is the one that brings me the most referrals. Whenever someone reviews a blog post of mine, even if it’s a bad review, it brings in several hundred new visitors.

Even people who have new StumbleUpon accounts (which are free, by the way) bring in hoards of new visitors when they review me. Angi reviewed a post of mine less than five minutes after signing up for StumbleUpon, and almost 200 visitors came my way during the next couple hours. It’s amazing really.

Digg

This is another icon you will find at the bottom of every blog post. Digg doesn’t bring in as many visitors as StumbleUpon, but it brings in a nice number.

The more popular you are at Digg (i.e. the more people you have following what you “digg”), the better your referrals. This is true with all social networks, of course, but not to the same extent from my experience. A new StumbleUpon user can still refer a couple hundred visitors. A new Digg user can refer ten users. Maybe.

Shout It From The Rooftops

If you really want to play it safe, I suggest getting a bullhorn and shouting:

“Go check out special kind of stupid dot com! Everybody, go do it now! Please, my life depends on it!”

Angi has been using this particular technique for years now. If you don’t have a bullhorn, that’s okay. Just cup your hands over your mouth and yell as loud as you can.

Humor Blogs

At the bottom of every blog post is this smiling face. Humor Blogs is one of my oldest referrers, and once upon a time they brought in more visitors for me than anyone else.

Times have changed, though — primarily due to the redesign at Humor Blogs that sent SKOS from a top 20 ranking into a ranking somewhere in the 90s. Still, I’m faithful to the old girl, and I’m hopeful I can move back up in the rankings.

When you click on the smiley face, you are taken to a page where you can rate whichever post you were reading. Either you thought it was funny, or you thought it was unfunny. It’s pretty simple. You have to have an account to vote, but (once again) it’s free.

E-mail It

Sometimes, simpler is better.

If you read a blog post at SKOS and know someone who would like it, you can just e-mail it to them by clicking the handy icon at the bottom of every post.

There’s no signup or registration necessary. Just click the icon located at the end of every post, fill in your and your friend’s e-mail address, type a message to your friend (which is optional), and click send.

It’s so easy even Paris Hilton could do it.

Tattoo It

The last method, the safest method, is it to get “SKOS” tattooed to your forehead.

Besides the obvious benefit of keeping you alive, this method has other perks as well. For example, it’s a great conversation starter.

“Is that a tattoo on your forehead,” some random stranger will ask you.

“Why, yes, yes it is,” you will reply. “Thank you for noticing it. It literally made my day.”

“Um, you’re welcome, I guess. What does ‘SKOS’ mean,” the stranger will reply.

“Oh, it is this wonderfully awesome humor blog. You simply must check it out,” you will joyfully exclaim.

And then, in a whisper, you will try to warn the stranger.

“Don’t go to the website. I’m begging you. It will kill you. It will kill us all!”

Of course, if you do this the curse will hear you and kill you on the spot. I’d advise against it.

Don’t Die On Me, People

I hope and pray each of you takes these ideas to heart. They WILL save your life.

Oh, to anyone thinking the simplest solution to all of this is to tell one person about the site and then NEVER come back to SKOS again (and therefore never have to deal with the curse again), I suppose you could do that.

Of course, you’d miss out on my hilarious writing. Is your life really worth that kind of sacrifice?

Yeah, I didn’t think so either. See you tomorrow.