I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
I am, dear readers, suffering from writer’s block. You may all take pity on me.
Now, I am capable of coming up with ideas when I have writer’s block, but these ideas are rarely substantial enough to turn into a full-length blog post. Think of them like Saturday Night Live skits. SNL skits are sometimes tolerable for three to five minutes, but when those skits are turned into 90-minute, feature-length films they become unbearable.
In short, my blog ideas when I have writer’s block are like A Night at the Roxbury.
So, what I will do until the writer’s block subsides is group these skit-length ideas together. Some of these will be hits, most will be misses, and at least one will cause you to doubt my sanity.
Why is Times New Roman the default typeface for Microsoft Office Products? If Bill Gates wants Microsoft to be edgier, he should switch to Verdana.
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For my money, the best way to let a girl know you’re interested is keying the words “call me” into the side of her car.
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A lot of people have been making fun of the Georgia rapper who was sentence to 20 years in prison last week after he confessed to shooting a person, by name, in a song, but not me. Rhyming is hard, people. Have some sympathy.
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Whatever happened to the musical group The Cranberries? Wikipedia says the band has been on hiatus since 2003. No wonder the past few Thanksgivings have felt so hollow.
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A female in her 20s, who must be a new employee since I’ve never seen her before, smiled and said “hi” to me in the breakroom yesterday. I’m sure she was just being friendly, but I threw my coffee in her face anyway. There are a lot of crazies in the world — you can never be too careful.
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If “ifs” and “buts” were candy and nuts, would we REALLY all have a wonderful Christmas? What about the people who are diabetic or have peanut allergies?
I have given all of you a lot to ponder and discuss. Please show your appreciation by leaving a comment or two or ten that shares some of the random thoughts YOU have had lately.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
;-) 11.25.08 at 10:16 pm:
Random thoughts rock. Yours are pretty funny! Oh and I hope your new 20-something co-worker isn’t too badly burned from the coffee to the face. LOL
Corrina’s last blog post: And The Ex’s Keep Comin’
;-) 11.25.08 at 10:51 pm:
Interesting list.
I help out at my family’s convenience store from time to time, and will never get over this one: The public restroom is out of order a lot, so we always have the ‘Out of Order’ sign up.
I continuously watch as people see the sign, yet go and try to open the door anyways. What do people expect they will do after using an Out of Order toilet? Just leave their deposit in there and walk away? Come on, people. That’s just gross.
That was my random thought of the day.
Diana’s last blog post: Braving the Snow For a Polar Pop
;-) 11.26.08 at 9:24 am:
My wife tells me that God could be a woman…why is the Devil always a man?
;-) 11.26.08 at 1:28 pm:
If Times New Roman is still the default for Microsoft Office then I messed up my computer because it’s always Calibri. But I don’t care because I like it that way.
You might want to stop throwing coffee in 20-somethings faces when they greet you politely. Throw sugar in their faces instead; it’s less damaging but equally effective.
Erin’s last blog post: Maybe one day we will professionalize this office.
;-) 11.26.08 at 2:05 pm:
I have a few random thoughts of my own this sunny Thanksgiving Eve.
1. Kev, you are funnier at “random” (read: while hardly trying) than most people are “really” (read: while definitely trying, and trying too hard). SNL is an excellent example of what I’m trying to get across here. Not that I watch it; I’d rather rake the eighty million leaves lying in my yard WITH MY NOSE.
2. My maternal grandmother once filled my maternal grandfather’s EAR with hot coffee, WHILE HE SLEPT. I don’t know what her beef with him was, but apparently it was semi-serious. Happily I did not inherit the violently vindictive gene. I don’t think.
3. Where the sam hill is Angi?
Jenny’s last blog post: One Chose Life
;-) 11.26.08 at 2:16 pm:
@Corrina: I know. In hindsight, I kind of feel bad about burning her. Hopefully she has a good personality to go along with what used to be her cute face. I should send her a “Get Well Soon” card…
@Diana: I wonder if the people just don’t bother reading the sign or they just don’t care? Or maybe it’s one of those “I have to see this for myself” sort of things. If the latter, I bet these are the same people who touch their plate at a restaurant two seconds after their waitress told them it was a hot place.
@Bruno: Good question. The only exception is that “The Devil Wears Prada” movie. I’ve never seen it, but based on the title the devil is either a woman or a man who dresses in drag. Both possibilities frighten me.
@Erin: True, but throwing hot coffee is a great conversation starter. Think about it. Now, any time I want to start a conversation with this girl, all I have to say is “hey…remember that time I threw hot coffee in your face and you had to go to the hospital?” Sugar would work, but not nearly as well.
@Jenny: Thanks! It’s good to know I am still moderately funny even when I’m not trying (or when I’m suffering from writer’s block). Geesh…did your grandmother really fill your grandfather’s ear with hot coffee? What on earth did the guy do to deserve that??
;-) 11.26.08 at 5:52 pm:
Great! As if I didn’t have enough to keep me awake at night. Now I have to wonder about “ifs” and “buts” this Christmas.
Josh H.’s last blog post: Thomas J. “Stonewall” Jackson