In my never-ending mission to find interesting things to blog about despite the fact writer’s block has zapped all of my creativity, it’s time for another edition of my immensely unpopular advice column, Ask Kev.

As always, I am going to “borrow” a question recently sent to the famous Dear Abby. Since no one in their right mind would actually ask ME an important question, “borrowing” is my only recourse. And yes, when I say borrow I really mean steal.

DEAR ABBY KEV:

I consider myself to be a nice, normal person. I know how to make interesting, intelligent conversation that can engage just about anyone. When I go out socially, I often meet people and we hit it off.

Typically, by the end of the conversation, there comes a point where it is decided — usually by the other person — that we exchange information, which includes phone numbers and e-mail addresses. I generally wait a few days before calling, or until an occasion arises to invite the person to participate with me.

When I call or e-mail, I always leave a message, but I almost never get a response back. Sometimes I wait to see if the person I just met calls me first, but it never happens.

Do people just pretend to be interested in me, or am I fooling myself? Or are they just too busy to make the effort to have another friend? I don’t understand it. Am I missing something?

- BLOWN OFF IN SOUTH CAROLINA

Dear SC,

As you know, in her response Abby said that such occurrences were fairly normal. However, if this was happening to you more than 90% of the time, Abby suggested you take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if you have been coming on too strong.

Once again, I am having to help someone who has been given shoddy advice by Abby. SC, the problem isn’t that you have been coming on too strong with these individuals — it’s that you haven’t come on strong enough!

In your letter to Abby, you said that you “generally” wait a few days before contacting an individual. Why? Why wait a few days? Are you waiting for them to forget about you? Because that’s precisely what is happening.

SC, people have short attention spans. Most people can’t remember what they did a few days earlier — much less who they met, what you talked about, or how you two are destined to be soul mates or best friends forever.

When you get a phone number or e-mail address, you have to strike while the fire is hot.

You have to contact them immediately.

If someone gives you their phone number at a party, you should give them a call right then and there. Imagine the impression you would make on someone by calling them 15 seconds after you parted ways.

Them: “Who is this?”
You: “It’s me, silly.”
Them: “Who?”
You: “You just gave me your number. Remember?”
Them: “Um…”
You: “Turn around. I’m waving at you.”

I guarantee this person wouldn’t forget about you anytime soon.

Another problem is that you are only contacting the person one time. Quitters never prosper, SC. When you were a little kid, did you learn to tie your shoes by trying one time and then giving up? When you fell off a horse for the first time, did you just stay down on the ground and let the horse trample you?

You can’t give up. You have to keep trying.

If you leave one voice mail or e-mail message and receive no response, you must leave ten more. If those don’t work, send fifty more. If those receive no responses, find out where the person lives and send them a fruit basket. Everyone loves fruit. And people really love fruit delivered, in person, by an individual they just met who has been calling them on the phone nonstop for several days.

Another problem, as I see it, is you are too passive. Given your “wait a few days” and “contact only once” tactics, my guess is you hold back from what you really want to say during your initial conversations with these individuals. People can tell when you’re holding back. It’s not attractive.

From now on, ask these individuals you’re meeting for the first time about their family. Ask them where they live and whether or not they live alone. Ask them if they believe in love at first sight. Ask them how many kids they’d like to have someday. Trust me — they will respect how straightforward you are with them.

Finally, when you are talking to these people for the first time, stand two inches away from them. Invade their personal space. People respect people who do not respect people’s boundaries. Remember that, SC. In fact, tattoo it on your neck.

Best of luck,

Kev

What sort of advice would YOU give our friend? How would you rate the advice I gave him/her? It was gold, right?

As always, please feel free to leave a comment or two or ten.