I rarely remember my dreams. And when I do remember my dreams they almost never, ever make any sense. The dream I am about to share with you from last night is no exception.

In my dream I asked out loud, “whatever happened to the actress Jan Dwyer?”

To my knowledge, no such actress exists. And if she does exist, she doesn’t exist in the context I dreamed her. In my dream, this person co-starred in two Kevin Costner movies. One was Bull Durham and one was some fictional movie my mind conjured up. In Bull Durham, she played Costner’s wife. Costner’s character in that movie wasn’t married, but in my crazy dream he was.

Anyway, for whatever reason I decide to find out what happened to her. In my dream, those were the only two movies she’d ever done. It was as if she fell off the face of the earth after making them.

Like all good detectives, I did my research via Google. That’s right. I dreamed I was Googling.

To my shock and dismay, Jan Dwyer had a Wikipedia page! She quit acting and got into the Information Technology field. Hey, that’s my field! What are the odds. She worked at the California branch of the same company where I work. Wow, such a small world!

Incredibly, I find myself in California to meet Jan Dwyer. I didn’t fly or drive there, so I can only assume I had the ability to teleport in my dream.

When I’m introduced to Jan Dwyer, I am stunned to discover she’s a dude!

Now, in real life I’d simply realize I must have the wrong Jan Dwyer and move on. Nope, not in my dream. In my dream I begin interrogating the poor gal/guy. Eventually, he/she comes clean — he/she is the same Jan Dwyer from those Kevin Costner movies.

For whatever reason, I stop the interrogation. I simply assumed he/she had a sex change operation after appearing in those movies. Case closed.

At this point my dream took a strange turn. I know — hard to believe, right?

While still dreaming, I dream that the above Jan Dwyer story was a dream. In other words, I dreamed that it was a dream within a dream. Have I lost you yet?

So now, I’m telling the events of the dream within a dream to a friend of mine. I tell her all about Jan Dwyer, the Costner movies, the sex change operation, etc. She looks at me like I’m crazy, and rightfully so.

I then, in my dream, tell my brother about the Jan Dwyer dream. It is while relaying the dream to him that I had an epiphany — how do I know for certain Jan Dwyer had a sex change operation? He/she never admitted it. I just assumed it.

That is when the sickening truth came to me: Jan Dwyer had always been a guy. In those Costner movies, he simply looked like a woman. He had fooled Costner and everyone who watched those movies.

It was then that I woke up, very likely from digust, at three o’clock in the morning. It was several hours before I was able to fall back asleep, so I had a lot of time to let the dream sink in.

Believe it or not, this dream is 100% true. Some guys get to dream about girls. Me? I get to dream about some guy pretending to be a girl in a Kevin Costner movie from two decades ago.

I think I need therapy now.

What is a weird dream YOU have had lately? Is it as weird as mine? Weirder? Feel free to share it with everyone below. And, weird dream or no, do feel free to leave me a comment or two or ten.