I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
Those of you who have been following my blog since I redesigned it back in March have likely noticed it. Prison inmates have certainly noticed it. My mom most definitely noticed it. What is “it,” you ask? It’s the note at the bottom of my page that gives my e-mail address in case anyone wants to propose marriage.
Why did I add this?
Well, one, I’m a single guy. And as the old saying goes, you have a much better chance getting a job if you send out your resume and application. But two, I thought it was funny and thought other people would think it was funny. Besides, I was sure no one was REALLY going to send me a marriage proposal via e-mail.
I was wrong.
Through the months, I have received numerous marriage proposals. Most of them arrived way back in April and May, but the latest arrived just this morning. Thinking back, a few of the proposals showed promise.
One proposal said I looked like some professional soccer player. I’d never heard of the guy (and can’t remember his name now), so I didn’t know if the girl was giving me a compliment or not. Oh sure, I suppose I could have Googled the guy’s name to get some photos, but I didn’t want to explain to my boss why I was looking at pictures of guys if he happened to walk into my office. But anyway, I’m not exactly a soccer fan (baseball and football, thanks), but the fact she knew at least something about sports was a positive.
One girl proposed saying something along the lines of “you are the funniest man alive.” I love a girl who appreciates my sense of humor, but the “alive” part of that statement worried me a bit. Was she saying there are dead people who are funnier than I am? And what if she adds that particular caveat to all of her compliments? Being told I am “the best kisser alive” would make me throw up in my mouth.
One guy proposed saying he wanted to “whisk (me) away” to a tropical island. I assumed/hoped he was joking.
(There were one or two more, but I cannot remember anything remarkable about them.)
This morning’s proposal came from a girl who lives either in Washington or Colorado (strangely, two different visitor tracking programs gave me two different answers). Judging by the e-mail, she has a great sense of humor. That is definitely a plus. I was also impressed at how she somehow managed to proposal marriage without paying me a single compliment in the entire 185-world e-mail. That takes skill. The closest thing to a compliment she gave me was saying my name wasn’t “Bob.”
I’ve got to say — that’s not the worst compliment I’ve received during my lifetime.
Anyway, I have always chalked these proposals up as practical jokes. The girls (and that one guy) weren’t REALLY proposing to me, so I didn’t pay them any mind. However, my co-worker informed me that these girls might have “jokingly” proposed marriage so they could start dialogue with me. What better ice breaker than to e-mail someone a marriage proposal as a joke? After all, it’s the kind of thing someone with my dry sense of humor would probably find funny, right?
Most of my readership is female (for whatever reason), so I will ask all of you: What was behind those marriage proposals? Were the girls (and the one guy) just trying to be funny, or were they hoping to start dialogue with me?
What say you, wise female readers of SKOS?
;-) 12.3.08 at 7:54 pm:
I’ve thought about emailing a proposal to you as soon as I saw it on the bottom of your page. I would have done it to start some kind of conversation with you, then you’d realize how much you love my sense of humor along with my MySpace page and turn around and propose to me! *sighs* I can dream, can’t I?
Diana’s last blog post: Guys in Red Trucks, Movies and Vegas
;-) 12.4.08 at 7:39 am:
Should I have added your name isnt Robert either? lol
Seriously, is this a no? Or should I stalk you repeatedly til you break down?
;-) 12.4.08 at 11:28 am:
Well, I seem to remember once telling you I wanted to marry you… or maybe it was have your babies…. I forget now. My memory’s gone bye-bye. Oh well.
But since I’m already shackled with a ball and chain that some dink staked to the ground about a third of the way up (my end is the short one, BTW), and personally I think it’s kinda creepy hooking up with internetz you don’t know from Adam (long story, involving the dink with the stake, and no I didn’t marry said dink since the dink is a “she” – and I use that term only in the legal sense), and I’ve just been lurking on your site forever (yes, that was me, way back when, throwing wit into the comment box from time to time until I got BOLD and started brazenly stalking your blog – and yes, I like parentheses, dashes, and ellipses, so I over-abuse them) and about snorted Mountain Dew from my nose when I saw that nifty addition to SKOS, I took it as a joke and intended my “proposal” as such.
As for other people’s motives (and we can’t just say women if a DUDE wanted to whisk you away, right?), I am sad to say I just don’t know. I used to know people, but I seem to have misplaced my wise. It’s probably out at the casino with my memory. Maybe they just want a friend. But wouldn’t it be easier to just say, “Kev, will you be my friend?”
KEV, WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND?
;-) 12.4.08 at 12:32 pm:
@Diana: Wow, I had no ide…hey, wait a second…you’re pulling my leg aren’t you? You trickster.
@Cherie: Stalk me repeatedly until I break down, eh? Does that really work? Call me a skeptic, but a big part of the stalking experience is drunkenly showing up at a person’s front door at three in the morning. It’s kind of hard to do that from all the way in (checking my traffic software…) Spanaway, Washington! (j/k)
@Angie: Did you really?? Did you ask me in an e-mail or a blog comment? Sorry for forgetting. I guess since you’re a regular and I knew you were already married, I immediately recognized it as a joke and quickly forgot it ever happened.
As for being my friend, of course. That goes without saying.
;-) 12.4.08 at 2:58 pm:
see it’s working…. youre tracking me. i know your evil plans to show up drunk at my front door at 3am. I’m so glad we connect that way.
Okay, now to stop the sarcasm and be real. Ouch this is gonna hurt. I find the whole request for marriage proposals kinda straight forward and enchanting. I also see this as a quick way to get myself out of the dreaded dating pool. I’m sure that if we remained in seperate states our marriage would work beautifully.
Okay back to the sarcasm. You havent said yes, and you havent said no. So that would mean that we’re practically engaged. Goes to reason. I would start to pick out wedding colors but I feel I should consult your mother first. What do you think?
;-) 12.4.08 at 3:17 pm:
I saw the change too and it made me laugh. I thought about e-mailing a marriage proposal and I also thought about giving you a cookie and a monkey to get on your most frequent commenters list. Ultimately, though, I am lazy. Sort of, because I do manage to find time to visit blogs sites several times a day.
It’s possible that the girl who said you look like a professional soccer player might have really wanted to marry you. Many professional soccer players are quite attractive as you may have guessed from my occasional slips into fangirldom. Really, who can say what people’s motives are? That’s a major pitfall of written communication. No changes in inflection, no body language or other cues to guess their meaning.
In other words, no idea! Best of luck with those proposals! Still, if they e-mailed I doubt if they’d be adverse to opening dialogue. Unless it’s one of the “I dare you to delete my comment” comments.
;-) 12.5.08 at 12:52 am:
Actually, I think it might have been in a comment on WSFD, and I think I asked to have your babies…. but you told me they were promised to Angi… oh well. You know my memory’s not so good these days. Half the time I can’t even remember my phone number, so I am still trying to puzzle out HOW I manage to keep this other nonsense trapped inside my mind about all this political and economics junk. Maybe it’s cuz I don’t like people calling me so I subconsciously deliberately forget my phone number, or maybe I just need to go back on my Aricept.
;-) 12.8.08 at 1:43 pm:
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;-) 2.11.09 at 5:02 pm:
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;-) 2.19.09 at 4:19 pm:
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