I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
You could hear a mime scream at my work right now. I’m one of a very small handful still in the office building. Where is everyone? Well, they all went home early. Today is the day of our office Christmas party. I’m not sure why they had it so early in the month, but then again I don’t care. You see, as is my tradition, I am skipping the party.
Why, you ask? Well, there are two reasons. One, they have the party at peculiar places every year. This year the party’s at Outback Steakhouse. (Seriously, people? Outback Steakhouse?) The second reason, the main reason, is simple: I am young(ish) and single, and my co-workers are older and married.
I can handle hanging out with older guys and gals. I do it every day at work. I can handle hanging out with married couples. Most of my friends are married. However, I just can’t stomach the idea of meshing the two. The married co-workers will be hanging out with their spouses. I’d be a third wheel if I talked to any of them. And the handful of single co-workers I could talk to are all a couple decades older than me. What would we talk about? The 60s, shopping for antiques, taking naps, Murder She Wrote?
I’m as big of an Angela Lansbury as the next guy, but come on.
So, I’m sitting here in my office. The quiet is nice, but the boredom is getting to me. Oh sure, reading about O.J. Simpson finally being put behind bars picked things up a bit. And even though Best Buy still hasn’t shipped the album I ordered, an empty office building means I can listen to some Scott Weiland songs on YouTube. My early favorites can be heard here, here and here if anyone’s interested.
However, no amount of O.J. incarceration or Scott Weiland melodic goodness can cure my boredom.
Sigh.
;-) 12.5.08 at 6:31 pm:
here’s a list of helpful suggestions for you!
1. do a funky dance to a song you’d never listen to while your co-workers were there. and make sure to turn the volume up super high.
2. play text twist and shout out every strange permutation of letters that you try. (this is fun for wacky pronunciation alone.)
3. take off your tie and wrap it around your head like a sweatband. now pretend you’re on some office survivor show and scavenge up the most appetizing meal you can find in you snack drawer.
4. leave early too!
;-) 12.5.08 at 11:58 pm:
That first sentence is classic. Absolutely hilarious.
;-) 12.6.08 at 1:10 pm:
You could learn a lot from talking to us old married folks, Kev! You might be surprised.
Or, we could learn a lot from you. No surprise there. I love talking to young people.
I detest office parties. Truth be told, I’m no partyer. I enjoy silence so I can hear myself talk more clearly!
Jenny’s last blog post: Statisticos de Mi Vida Loca
;-) 12.6.08 at 4:39 pm:
I hate the office Christmas party. There are several for me to decline. The main university one, the computing staff one and then my college one. When anyone from work sees me, no matter where, I will get hammered with computer questions. A festive party is no exception. The only thing I allow is a lunch with my boss and my two teammates. It’s very enjoyable.
I can see why you wouldn’t want to go. It sounds fairly dreadful. Hope you made it through the day. Sorry I wasn’t there for you.
;-) 12.8.08 at 9:40 am:
i can imagine how cool party is that
you can always go somewhere on local party and have a great time 
Sarah’s last blog post: Things a Copywriter Can Do for You
;-) 12.11.08 at 12:05 pm:
Way to rebel. I would have chosen youtube over Outback as well. When boredom strikes me I watch You suck at photoshop. It’s all about a bitter man that’s trapped in a cube and hates his life. Wait… that’s not you is it? Oh yeah, of course not. Donny’s divorced. But he might give you some good pointers.