I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
Annie was right — the sun did come out tomorrow.
After two straight days of nonstop rain, today is actually a pretty day in my neck of the woods. Now, don’t get me wrong. I like the rain. I’d just like it a lot more if it didn’t get me wet.
It’s been an interesting few weeks in Kevland (that’s right…I still call the city where I live “Kevland”). I’m not bipolar, but I’ve felt like it off and on lately. Thankfully, unlike OJ Simpson, the big three automakers or the ground Rosie O’Donnell walks on, I find myself in a good place as this week comes to an end. Not to go all deep on you or anything, but the following statement makes life so much easier:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
Awesome, right? I wonder if anyone has ever said that before. I think I should copyright it before any of you jackals out there get your greedy hands on it.
In less happy news, my mom has informed me that I still need to buy Christmas gifts for family members. My assertion that “the comedic goodness that is my blog writing is a more than sufficient gift for everyone” fell on deaf ears. I guess this means I’ll be browsing Amazon all weekend for gifts.
In even less awesome news, Best Buy STILL hasn’t shipped me the Scott Weiland CD I ordered on November 24. An e-mail they sent me yesterday said the item is still back ordered and might not arrive before December 24.
Are you kidding me? I don’t know how much real power I have (my perceived power is awesome and limitless), but I’m going to defame Best Buy’s name. I have no other choice. They have forced my hand.
Good readers of SKOS, heed my words. Best Buy is evil. They punch kittens and newborn babies. They are terrorists. They do not recycle. Worst of all, they do not ship items in a timely manner. Avoid them at all costs, dear friends. Trust me.
That was cathartic. Next time, I’ll defame Old Navy.
How are all of you doing on your Christmas shopping? Have you run into any bad stores you’d like to publicly defame?
;-) 12.12.08 at 5:23 pm:
it’s strange: for the approximately 4 minutes i was outside today, the sun hid behind clouds. the rest of the day, it was all sunshining and smiley.
how obnoxious. i might remember the sun but i don’t remember what we’re clearly fighting about…
;-) 12.12.08 at 6:25 pm:
Well, Wal-Mart is the bulwark of evil, as always. I’ve been Wal-Mart free for 3 years, now. Yes, I CAN find everything I need at other stores! And it comes from higher quality sweatshops, I’m sure.
Couldn’t you have just gone out and bought the CD at another store by now? Is it too late to cancel the order?
I will defame the mall and Barnes & Noble for not having holiday hours this week. Based on the assumption that they did, I went to the mall at 8:53 only to find out that they closed at 9:00, like usual. Home I went. The next night, I went to Barnes and Noble at 9:50 assuming they would be open until at least 11:00 which is normal closing time. Well, at some point during the last few months they changed normal closing time to 10:00 pm and have not enacted holiday hours. I looked at a book about snowflakes and then they made me go home.
Erin’s last blog post: This is a bit overdue.
;-) 12.12.08 at 7:53 pm:
You’re welcome for the sun. Finally, we get snow this weekend.
And at least Best Buy’s commercials aren’t all bubble-gum and cotton candy and rainbows like O– N—. Yes, censored. You’re welcome for that too.
;-) 12.12.08 at 8:01 pm:
I really really don’t like Best Buy. Every time I go into that store, I seem to have some kind of problem that they can’t fix.
I’ve been doing a lot of my Christmas shopping on Amazon. Much easier, and I don’t do price comparisons, so I don’t really care what it costs. That’s what credit card debt is for, right?
;-) 12.12.08 at 9:43 pm:
@gianna: Man, the sun really holds a grudge doesn’t he? Have you been wearing a lot of sunscreen? That could be it. He doesn’t like that.
@Erin: Not a fan of Wal-Mart, eh? Yeah, me neither. But I can’t help it. I have to shop there sometimes. It’s just too convenient.
Good question about the CD. I had a reason for buying it online through Best Buy. I’ll have to blog about it.
@Angi: So I have you to thank for the sun coming out today? Gosh, thanks. And double thanks for censoring O– N—. That place is evil. And their commercials make me envious of the deaf and blind.
@Diana: See, I told you Best Buy was evil. Best we all stay away from them.
Amazon is the greatest thing ever to happen to guys who hate shopping malls. Unless I procrastinate (like I’ve done this year), I can do all my Christmas shopping online.
;-) 12.13.08 at 8:26 am:
Kev if you don’t put yourself out there, you’re never going to find the woman of your dreams. And I’m positive she’s out Christmas shopping this weekend. Unfortunately Amazon doesnt have a dating service. That would be cool if they did though huh? You could view someone’s buying habits and she if she’s the one for you.
You’re never gonna win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket.
Personally I’m going to Seattle Saturday night to an Irish bar that has a band that is playing top 40 & 80′s music. I’m pretty sure that’s a crime. I’m joining a good friend and apparently a whole entire rugby team I have never met. Hopefully I don’t met any men named Bob.
;-) 12.13.08 at 1:19 pm:
I hate Best Buy, but I am here to defame an online outfit called VitaCost.
*jumps on bandwagon and takes the reins*
So I gave this online vitamin-and-supplement peddler my much-coveted business and ordered two huge bottles of Natrol Carb Intercept *insert trademark symbol here* so that I can eat all the bread, crackers, cookies, cake, pie, rolls, and stuffing I desire throughout the Christmas holidays while not only NOT gaining weight but while DROPPING pounds at a rate so delightfully alarming that by New Year’s Day I’ll be the living incarnation of the Duchess of Windsor’s timeless wisdom, namely: “You can’t be too rich or too thin or own too many silk dresses.”
BUT while VitaCost was only too happy to take my credit card information and send me a cheery email confirming my purchase, it was swiftly followed by another email that told me the item was out of stock and backordered to the edges of eternity, and that therefore they had CANCELED my entire order without so much as a fare thee well.
I emailed them back. WHAT IN THE SAM HILL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW? I queried, calmly. THE DOLLY MADISON, ENTENMANN’S, TASTEE-KAKE, LITTLE DEBBIE, HOSTESS, AND KRISPY KREME TRUCKS ARE EVEN NOW QUEUEING UP IN MY DRIVEWAY AND DOWN MY STREET, STOPPING TRAFFIC, CLOGGING MAJOR ARTERIES (of travel, that is), ABOUT TO UNLOAD EIGHTEEN TONS OF STARCHY GOODNESS INTO MY CUPBOARD AND FREEZER SPACE!
Someone named Antoine responded that the message had been in error and that he saw that they did indeed have Natrol Carb Intercept in stock. Call Now! He said, and I will “wave” — yes … he wrote WAVE — the shipping cost on your order!
WHEW! I breathed a sigh of relief and dialed those numbers faster than you can say “glycemic index” … only to be told that Antoine was smoking dope when he told me that the product was in stock.
FUGGHEDABOUDIT, I told the CSR, because (and I quote myself) “Clearly you guys don’t know what you’re doing.”
I did not say Merry Christmas when I “rang off.”
Anyone need 18 tons of starchy goodness? Or better yet, anyone got some Natrol Carb Intercept to sell me? Or how about some dope I can smoke so I’ll get happy like Antoine and can “WAVE” at all the extra pounds as they fly onto my person and stick like superglue?
Either way, I think this comment qualifies as a guest post, Kev in Kevland. What say you?
Jenny’s last blog post: A Southern Christmas
;-) 12.14.08 at 3:54 pm:
[...] my last post where I defamed the name of Best Buy, a regular reader asked why I bought the new Scott Weiland solo CD online at Best Buy instead of at [...]
;-) 12.17.08 at 11:58 am:
“the comedic goodness that is my blog writing is a more than sufficient gift for everyone”
I didn’t know comedic goodness could be used as a gift. If my mom insists on making me wrap something up for people, I can give them a picture of me laughing. Surely that will be a sufficient gift. I’m sure I’ve heard my grandmother say that all she wants is for me to be happy. SCORE!
I can learn so much from you!
Sarah’s last blog post: Cat-Man-Don’t