I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
After missing work yesterday due to a witch’s curse, I’m back.
How did I get better so quickly? Well, one, I had a lot of nice people praying for me. Two, my immune system is wicked awesome. And three, I drank a homemade elixir of Coke Zero, peanut butter and veggie pizza (three of the most wonderful things on this planet). Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.
I’m not sure why, but I seem to have grown a beard. I haven’t shaved for four weeks or so.
What’s the deal? Well, it started innocently enough…
“Dang, I overslept. What time is it? Okay, good…I’m only ten minutes behind schedule. I can make that up. I just have to get moving. [In shower] Do I shave? Nah, I shaved yesterday. Besides [looks in mirror], I look awesome.”
“I don’t have the energy to shave. I’m tired. Besides [looks in mirror], I still look awesome. I’m going to write a poem about my face [gets out pen and paper]…”
“Hey, I’ve got that cool ‘not shaved’ look going on like the guy on House. No way am I going to shave now!”
“My…face…itches!! I have GOT to shave off this thing. Of course, because it’s so long now, it will take 20 minutes to shave now instead of ten and I’ll be late for work. And my razor blade is a little worn out…it might rip my face to shreds. [Looks in mirror] Don’t worry face, I would never hurt you. Okay, I’ll buy a new blade after work and shave tonight before I go to bed.”
“Hey, it doesn’t itch as much now. Either I’m past the itching stage, or I’ve killed all the nerve endings by scratching so much. I might as well leave it a little while longer.”
“I kind of look like that actor with that beard in that movie I saw one time. I wonder if anyone will mistake me for him?”
“Someone said I resembled Keanu Reeves. That is NOT who I had in mind! Where’s that razor? This thing is out of here. Dang, I’m running late for work. No time to shave. You win this round, beard.”
“My beard is multiple colors. How strange. Some of the hairs are dark brown, some of them are light brown and some of them are RED. I wonder if I have any blond in me? I’ve got to find out.”
“The girl at CVS smiled at me. Do girls like beards? This requires research.”
“Some dude smiled at me. The research project is officially over. It’s time to terminate. Tomorrow morning, beard go bye-bye.”
“Where did my razor go? It’s not where I left it. Did my brother come over and borrow it? Dang, now my face is itching again! Ahhhhhhhh!”
I have now reached the point where it would take me a good half hour to shave this thing. I only shave in the shower and I shower in the morning before work. So, this means I need to get up thirty minutes early if I want to have time to shave.
Sounds easy, right? You clearly do not know me.
My two-week Christmas vacation begins Saturday. The beard will have to stay until then. Of course, methinks the beard will not go down easy.
I think it’s alive.
;-) 12.16.08 at 2:45 pm:
Wow, what a great picture of you! You didn’t say you were growing out your hair, too! You look a lot like Spike.
At least winter is a good time to experiment with a beard, and just before Christmas so you can get your family’s opinion. Maybe you’ll end up liking it and keeping it. I know people who have kept their accidental beards for years.
Erin’s last blog post: This is a bit overdue.
;-) 12.16.08 at 2:45 pm:
Haha…maybe you should give the gift of a home this Christmas and house a bird family in your beard. It would be nice and warm for them this time of year, plus, you could always have something to talk to when you’re bored. Oh, and they’d sing to you too!
Think about it.
Diana’s last blog post: Connecting With Friends From Long Ago
;-) 12.16.08 at 3:02 pm:
ahahahhahaha
ATTACK OF THE BEAR(D)!!!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!
;-) 12.16.08 at 3:27 pm:
That man looks like a very hairy version of Jack Nicholson. Or perhaps he is. I can’t really tell.
;-) 12.16.08 at 3:36 pm:
@Erin: Very funny. This photo is NOT of me. At least, I don’t think it is…
Spike looks like this guy? I’ve got to meet him. We could talk about our beards. It would be nonstop entertainment.
@Diana: That happened in an episode of Family Guy, right? I don’t know…birds sound itchy. Also, where would they “do their business?”
@gianna: Yes, be afraid. Be very, very afraid. You might now own (or admit to owning) a blog, but the beard will find you anyway. It always does. It’s an evil genius.
@Angi: I hope you are referring to the photo in the top left (beside the blog post’s title) and not the one in the top right (beside the words “Author: kev”).
;-) 12.16.08 at 4:34 pm:
Well, I was referring to the more hairy of the two, yes.
;-) 12.16.08 at 4:56 pm:
@Angi: That’s a relief. The beard and I can be a tad self conscious.
;-) 12.16.08 at 6:08 pm:
And that, I’m sure, is why you wrote an entire blog dedicated to your beard, right? Because you’re both so self conscious and all.
;-) 12.16.08 at 11:46 pm:
Oh…guys have it so easy. What if a girl just decided to not shave her legs for 26 days. Can you say NASTY? Yeah, like I said, guys have it easy. LOL!
I think you need to post a picture of yourself right before you shave and then right after. We need to see this.
Audrey’s last blog post: Life. What a Beautiful Choice.
;-) 12.17.08 at 2:55 am:
Kev, I’m imaging you as a younger Howard Hughes. Hey he was rich, brillant, and handsome… at some point. It might work for you. I’m also sure you can convince some people you ARE actually Howard Hughes. I’m on pins and needles to see how day 27 turns out.
I’d join you with the peanut butter and veggie pizza if you throw in some tofu and water. Coke zero… Meh… I try and avoid the work zero at all costs. It’s bad for my stellar image.
;-) 12.17.08 at 2:57 am:
work… word… close enough. see ladies. if you wanna be a top commontater just make typos. backpeddling easily rises you to the top. Okay, so I’m not good at advice. Can I perhaps interest you in a sarcastic comment?
;-) 12.17.08 at 9:46 am:
@Angi: Are you saying my beard and I are vain? Look, I don’t care what you say about me, but no way am I going to sit here and let you defame my beard!
@Audrey: I’d laugh, but you just brought back memories of an ex-girlfriend. Twenty six days? I’d have killed for twenty six days. Oh, the horror. The horror…
(Oh, and no photos. I look scary with a beard.)
@Cherie: A young Howard Hughes, eh? So, you mean before he went crazy? I can handle that. He was famous and rich. Yes, that works.
;-) 12.17.08 at 1:34 pm:
I’m not defaming your beard. I’m just saying, that new pair of shoes seems to fit really well. Take it as a compliment.
;-) 12.17.08 at 2:45 pm:
@Angi: New pair of shoes? Wha? What does that mean? Are you drunk, woman? Or is that some kind of hip expression used in parts of the world where people actually get to see snow more than once a decade? Grrrr…
;-) 12.17.08 at 3:20 pm:
If Spike ever gets on the internet, I’ll be sure to send him to SKOS so you can chat about the pros and cons to having a beard. Maybe you and he could co-author a blog. He would enjoy that, I’m sure.
;-) 12.17.08 at 3:25 pm:
@Erin: That would be beyond awesome. Does Spike have a sister? Is she single??
;-) 12.17.08 at 9:19 pm:
Okay, now I’m scared…you once dated a girl who went MORE than 26 days without shaving her legs! I thought girls like that only lived in Europe. Oh kev, I can see why things didn’t work out between you two. LOL!
;-) 12.17.08 at 10:24 pm:
I don’t know, Audrey … Julia Roberts once caused a furor in Hollywood by growing an animal under each armpit! And she wasn’t living in Europe …
Kev, chicks sooooooo do not dig beards. Just saying.
Jenny’s last blog post: O Holy Night: Celine Dion
;-) 12.17.08 at 11:46 pm:
Jenny,
Unless, of course, the beard looks like this. Am I wrong?
So Kev, long enough to braid yet?
P.S. A real man always shows his beard. A real beared man does anyway. I’ll have to see if I can find a real man without a beard and get back to you on what he does.
P.P.S. Found one, alarmingly closeby. As a matter of fact, I recently shaved my chin hair and now have only a mustache (I know, but my wife likes it). So here’s your answer: a real man without a beard always shows his mustache.
Steve’s last blog post: Lamoureux: links and labels
;-) 12.18.08 at 1:21 pm:
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