I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
Tomorrow is my last day of work in 2008. Saturday begins a stretch of 16 straight days of work-free utopia. Yes, I know you’re jealous. If not for the fact I have a two-hour meeting this afternoon, I’d be giddy right now.
This feels like the last week of school. At the end of the week there are three months of summer fun waiting for you. Standing in the way are numerous final exams, projects and the realization your parents will soon be seeing your report card. Get through the week and life will be sweet. However, you might not make it. The week could kill you. And then where would you be? Dead, that’s where.
Yeah, it feels like that. The only difference is meetings can literally kill you. I’ve seen it happen. Meetings are that boring.
In related news: Rest in peace, Bob.
I have finally finished my Christmas shopping.
My evenings will no longer be filled browsing Amazon for hours and hours looking for ideas. Now I can go back to watching The Office and House like the good Lord intended.
Did I find good presents? Well, let’s just say no one in my family will have to hunt for socks again anytime soon and leave it at that.
It took 24 days, but my Scott Weiland CD finally arrived yesterday.
It’s beautiful. Two discs, twenty songs and an infinite amount of musical bliss. I’ve been able to listen to most of the songs the past few weeks on YouTube, but it’s just not the same as listening to them in your car. Songs just sound different when you’re stuck in traffic wishing everyone else on the road would die.
However, I have rediscovered a drawback to having such a short commute to work (a friend sent me discs to listen to while driving and I discovered the same problem). When you have a short commute, you have no time to listen to anything. Heck, I barely had time to listen to all of Track 2 (Tangle with your Mind — great song, by the way).
Does this mean I’m going to move and get a longer commute just so I have more time to listen to things in my car? Um, no. It just means I’ll be spending lots of time sitting in my car in the driveway pretending there are cars all around me with dead drivers behind their wheels.
Duh.
Nothing new to report on the beard situation. Although, I did wake up today to find handcuffs, an unopened container of Rogaine, and a bottle of chloroform inches away from my face.
Methinks my beard is plotting something.
;-) 12.18.08 at 11:37 am:
I get half the day off today because my boss is generous like that. Food day at noon, then go home. Plus, my vacation starts Saturday, too. *sticks out tongue* Who’s jealous?
Will it really be a year until you browse amazon.com again? Really? You won’t even just browse it to see what’s out there once in a while?
I’m glad you got your CD. I was fast losing faith in mankind’s ability to conduct business in a timely manner…well, I guess almost a month isn’t that timely, is it? But you got it! Now it’s my turn. I ordered some Christmas tea (whatever–tea is tea but I’m a sucker for that sort of thing) and was confidently informed that it would probably arrive yesterday. Not guaranteed, but confidently informed. I’m still waiting. And if it doesn’t arrive tomorrow, I won’t get my CHRISTMAS tea until December 29th. Hmph. We shall see. I’ve been watching anxiously for the UPS man today. I always have UPS deliver to my work address because he’s cute, I mean, because UPS can’t get in my apartment building.
;-) 12.18.08 at 1:32 pm:
That part about the socks made me laugh out loud. You did NOT fall back on SOCKS for your gift-giving, did you Kev? Say it ain’t so.
I had never watched more than 30 seconds of House until last Sunday night, when I might have gotten a teensy bit addicted to that show. I was cooped up in a hotel room in Charlotte, NC, whence I had gone in preparation for depos on Monday morning. TNT was running a House-athon and I got hooked. Great show. Now I need to find out when it’s on in the regular TV schedule!
p.s. The last time I was in Charlotte in a hotel room about a month ago, I sort of got addicted to The Closer. I must stop going to Charlotte.
;-) 12.18.08 at 1:34 pm:
Oh, forgot to say … all my tunes sound their very bestest in my car. It might have something to do with that 12-inch woofer embedded in the back window of my darling thunder-gray CTS … or the fact that I do not own an ipod. I have been known to sit in the garage listening to Josh Groban and/or Il Divo!
Jenny’s last blog post: O Holy Night: Celine Dion
;-) 12.18.08 at 2:10 pm:
About time Best Buy got their act together! Jeez. Aren’t they in danger of going out of business? Stunts like that don’t help, I’m sure! And honestly…how many people are there, really, that ordered the new STP like, BEFORE it came out?
I don’t know who Bob is, but I echo the sentiment.
Socks are great for a fallback present. Who likes to buy themselves socks?? Nobody! I’m sure they’ll greatly appreciate that you spent your hard-earned money on something they would have hated spending theirs on.
;-) 12.18.08 at 3:28 pm:
Wow, 16 days off? I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I had 16 days off.
I’d probably grow my own beard if I could. Since I can’t, maybe I could see how long my leg hair grows. I’ve often wondered if more leg hair would keep me warmer in the wintertime. It’d be like a permanent pair of socks….
That would almost guarantee I wouldn’t have any dates whatsoever.
Have fun on your vacation!
;-) 12.18.08 at 3:30 pm:
@Erin: You only work half a day today? And your vacation starts on Saturday, too? You better be careful sticking out your tongue — legend has it that it could get stuck like that. Then you’d feel really silly.
Meh. Who needs to browse Amazon to see the latest trends when I can just look in the mirror?
Thanks. I’m enjoying the CD lots. What exactly IS Christmas tea? Is it just regular green tea with a marked up price?
*Gasp* You hit on the UPS man? What about that soccer player? What about Spike? Even Spike has feelings, you know.
@Jenny: Um…does it help any if I told you they were really NICE socks?
House is very, very addictive. After my brother bought the first four seasons on DVD, I borrowed them and watched all of them. That’s practically all I watched for an entire month. I’ve since named that month “The Greatest Month of All Time.”
Wow, Charlotte sounds like the addict capital of the world. Note to self: Avoid Charlotte.
@Angi: No joke! If Best Buy wasn’t in danger of going out of business before, they certainly are after this fiasco. My defaming them on SKOS will have a huge, huge impact.
Wha?! >:-| Okay, I know you’re joking, so I’m just going to calmly set you straight. One, this is a Scott Weiland solo album, not a STP album. Two, ALL THE COOL KIDS ORDERED IT BEFORE IT CAME OUT!!!
(There. I’m glad I handled that so calmly. I’m proud of you, Kev. Here, a pat on the back.)
Bob sat next to me during the last meeting. It was so boring he began eating his face. True story.
I’m glad you feel that way about socks. Bwahaha.
@Diana: On behalf of guys everywhere, PLEASE don’t do that. Seriously. Don’t. Please?
Although…you’re right. That would definitely keep Smooth Talker away. The only thing is you’d have to wear shorts or a dress at the store, and that wouldn’t be very fun since it’s so cold in your neck of the woods.
Dilemmas, dilemmas…
;-) 12.18.08 at 3:34 pm:
Oh, whatever, STP/Scott Weiland, it’s semantics. You know what I meant. Name one other person who pre-ordered that CD, please? (And, just to clarify, I’m not dissing the CD, he has a few good songs on there…just making a point.)
;-) 12.18.08 at 3:42 pm:
@Angi: Um…Bob pre-ordered it. That’s what made him taking his own life during the meeting so tragic. I was like “Bob, what are you doing? The Scott Weiland solo album will arrive in the mail any day now! You just have to have faith. Don’t eat your face!”
But he didn’t listen to me.
On the plus side, I now own Bob’s CD. That means I have two copies. Score!
;-) 12.18.08 at 4:15 pm:
I forgot that you can just look in the mirror for the latest and best trends. Most of us don’t have that luxury.
Well, there are lots of Christmas teas. They’re blends of different flavors, which I can get any time of the year, but I like certain flavors at Christmas. And personally, green tea at Christmas would be gross. That’s just my opinion, though.
Also, I do not hit on the UPS man. I’m not in the front anymore so I don’t even get to sign for packages which is good since last time I signed I looked at him and then spelled my own name wrong. “Erinp,” I wrote. Instead, I just watch him from my window. Spike doesn’t care and Fernando doesn’t need to know.
;-) 12.18.08 at 5:39 pm:
How, pray tell, does one eat one’s own face?
;-) 12.18.08 at 5:43 pm:
Angi: I tried Googling ‘How To Eat Your Own Face’ and couldn’t come up with any results. I’d be interested in knowing this too.
Diana’s last blog post: Meeting eHarmony People
;-) 12.18.08 at 7:19 pm:
@Erin: It’s okay. If you want, I’ll fill you in on the latest trends at their origins. I’m awesome like that.
I’m not a big tea guy. Coffee and Coke Zero, thanks. Hey, that just gave me an idea. With all the different coffee flavors, why doesn’t someone create a Coke Zero flavored coffee? It would rule.
The UPS man made you forget your own name? Wow, this guy must look like a movie star.
@Angi and Diana: Do the two of you REALLY want me to have to relive the horrific events of Bob’s death by explaining the way in which he ate his own face??? Is this how you get your jollies??? Do you go around asking widows and widowers how their spouses passed??? I’m appalled — APPALLED!
Now, if you’ll both excuse me, I’m going to go put some flowers on Bob’s grave.
;-) 12.18.08 at 7:21 pm:
Diana — That’s depressing. One thing Google COULDN’T turn up. I’m so so disappointed…I really wanted to know, too!
Kev — You could save a lot of time and just say “I don’t know because I made it up.”
;-) 12.18.08 at 7:37 pm:
@Angi: *GASP!* I can’t believe what I’m reading! Are you seriously mocking the memory of my friend Bob by stating I made up the events surrounding his untimely death???
I’m glad Bob isn’t alive to see this. He would be devastated.
;-) 12.18.08 at 8:27 pm:
Was Bob’s last name “Wire”? Or perhaps “Ferapples”? Or maybe “Boberann”?
;-) 12.18.08 at 8:58 pm:
@Angi: Very funny. His last name was “Suruncle.” He came from a long line of Suruncles.
;-) 12.18.08 at 9:59 pm:
Touche, touche…
;-) 12.18.08 at 10:38 pm:
Coke Zero flavored coffee? That would be gross. But if you really want to try it, why don’t you just dump Coke Zero into your coffee instead of French Vanilla creamer?
All this talk about eating faces is also disgusting. Did anyone see that movie that came out a couple of years ago about Hannibal Lector when he was a kid and stuff? He eats a guy’s face in that and the guy isn’t even dead. It was horrible.
;-) 12.18.08 at 11:16 pm:
Erin — What movie was that? That sounds awful…I’ve seen Silence of the Lambs a few times and parts of Hannibal, I missed Red Dragon, is that the one? (Although, even though it sounds gross and awful, I’m a sucker for a good horror movie..)
;-) 12.18.08 at 11:53 pm:
Hannibal Rising was the title. The movie wasn’t all bad…just horrifying. But since it was a horror movie I guess that would make it really good? I rarely, rarely watch horror movies, though, so my opinion shouldn’t be relied upon.
;-) 12.18.08 at 11:56 pm:
Sorry, and I guess it’s Hannibal Lecter, not Lector.
;-) 12.18.08 at 11:57 pm:
Erin — Yeah I was gonna correct you on the spelling, but I
didn’t know eitherdidn’t want to make you feel bad.;-) 12.19.08 at 10:29 am:
I’ve heard of Hannibal Rising, but never seen it. And, since I don’t want to relive Bob’s death again, I don’t plan on watching it!
Although, I am a sucker for horror movies, too, and I know Bob would want me to move on with my life. Hmmm…
;-) 12.19.08 at 10:38 am:
I think Bob would want you to. If he were real.
;-) 12.19.08 at 10:42 am:
@Angi: That’s pretty harsh. If it starts to rain, I hope you realize it’s Bob’s tears coming down from Heaven. The big lug was the sensitive type.
;-) 12.19.08 at 11:59 am:
Angi and Kev, you should see Hannibal Rising (pretend that’s in italics) if you like horror movies. I’m mostly scared of horror movies but I managed it. I’m sure “Bob” would understand. He’d say, “Kev, when Hannibal eats the guy’s face, don’t think of me. I ate MY face. It’s not the same thing.”
Please, always correct my spelling. I’d rather be corrected once than unknowingly laughed at for years.
;-) 12.19.08 at 12:07 pm:
It’s clear blue skies and freezing cold here today. No rain! HA!
Erin — Just teasing.
(I really didn’t know it was Lecter, haha) Now I wanna see that movie though…Gooooo Netflix!
;-) 12.20.08 at 12:34 am:
Whew… all I can say is one less Bob for me to worry about. (I am however sorry for your loss Kev. If there is anything I can do at this time, like perhaps Picket Best Buy let me know.)
Just a thought Kev, perhaps you could take a woman out on a date, and pop in your CD. If she isn’t impressed than kick her to the curb. By that I mean nicely open up the door and tell her it just isnt going to work. And make sure you state it isn’t you, it’s her.
Ah… fans of horror films. You must check out the international horror films. I suggest Japanese for the faint of heart. Those brave enough start with Korean horror flicks. For some reason they like making petite women killing machines. I tried to watch the French film The inside, but kept having to stop it every 5 seconds. Once the scissors hit the wall with a thud I was a goner. Besides adding Foreign Films to your list of hobbies makes you seem intelligent.
Kev your popularity grows and grows. I havent made it to your latest blog, but I have to say I cant wait! I’ll stop typing so I can start reading.