I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
I know, I know. I’ve been missing in action for a little while. And this was AFTER I promised I’d continue to blog regularly during my ridiculously-long, glorious, 16-day vacation.
My sincerest apologies.
I’ve been busy doing some very important, essential tasks. What have I been doing? Well, I’ve been doing a whole lot of what I like to call jack squat.
It’s been magnificent. I’ve gotten to sleep in each morning. I’ve gotten to watch lots of DVDs while drinking lots and lots of Coke Zero. I’ve gotten to relax…a lot.
In a word, it’s been bliss.
That’s not to say there haven’t been any unpleasant moments. On the first day of my vacation, I shaved the beard.
That’s right. The beard is no more. It took me almost an hour to shave off the sucker. Why? Well, for one thing, it was massive. But two, I had to use a woman’s razor, which is far inferior to men’s.
Okay, you’re probably wondering why I used a razor meant for the fairer sex. It was an honest mistake. My blade of choice is a Schick Quattro Titanium. It’s great. I’ve gotten lots and lots of use out of the one razor I own. Unfortunately, my one blade has gotten too dull. I’d buy a replacement blade, but they’re way too expensive. (If you’re wondering how I got my hands on the one blade I own, I received a free sample in the mail. I love free samples.)
Anyway, knowing I needed to shave I picked up some Bic disposable shaves from the grocery store. As I got into the shower and prepared to shave, I noticed something funny about these razors. Their colors were very bright. One was bright orange. The other was bright red. That’s when I took a closer look at them. I’d inadvertently picked up girls’ razors by mistake. Apparently, I need to do a better job reading labels.
Massive beard or no, this particular razor sucked. It clogged way too easily. It had this moisture strip that began oozing everywhere within the first five minutes of shaving. I later relayed my plight to a female friend, and she informed me that it’s an indisputable fact women’s razors are cheap. Men’s razors, according to this source, are far, far better. After this little experience, I’d have to wholeheartedly agree. Female razors suck.
But other than that my vacation has been great. Yep, great.
Oh, Christmas and my birthday also took place the first week of my vacation. But you guys don’t want to hear about that.
Right?
;-) 12.29.08 at 11:10 pm:
Well, about time. Apology accepted. If I have to. I guess.
Whoever this female friend was that told you women’s razors suck, she was right on the money, and she sounds like a fabulous source of insider information like that. Plus, I bet she’s really pretty. And smart. And funny. And stuff. But I don’t want to give her too big a head, so I digress.
Christmas? Birthday?? What???
;-) 12.30.08 at 1:17 am:
@Angi: Thank you. Thank you for forgiving me. I trust you speak on behalf of all my readers?
Oh, she’s definitely a great source for inside female information. And she’s very smart and funny. And yeah, I’d hate for her to get a big head or anything (so don’t tell her I said this), but she’s the prettiest girl I know. Oh, and she’s good with directions, too. Gotta love that.
Didn’t you hear? We had Christmas last week! It was all over the news.
;-) 12.30.08 at 1:40 am:
I’m sure I speak on behalf of at least most, if not all of them. We’re a forgiving bunch, your readers.
Hmmm, how does she stack up against, say, Eva Longoria or Kate Beckinsale?
How the crap did I miss Christmas!? Next you’ll be telling me it’s almost 2009 or some nonsense like that. You’re such a kidder, haha!
;-) 12.30.08 at 12:05 pm:
The beard is really gone? I might cry. I wanted you to start up a new ZZ Top band. The old guys are all dead by now, right?
;-) 12.30.08 at 3:50 pm:
@Angi: I’m glad my readers are so forgiving. That sure makes being a screw up a lot easier.
Eva and Kate? Psssh. She wipes the floor with both of those dogs. And, to quote Lowell Mather of Wings, I’ll fight any man who says otherwise!
Um, Ang…it IS almost 2009.
@Sarah: Sadly, yes, the beard is gone. I’m sorry to make you cry.
If it’s any consolation, the beard died peacefully. And hey, maybe I can still start up a new ZZ Top band. I can always buy a fake beard, right?
;-) 12.30.08 at 4:10 pm:
An oozing moisture strip? I’ve never heard of that. I wonder if it’s nice on legs? Try it, will you, and let me know?
Anyway, it’s good to know you got rid of the beard before it had a chance to use the chloroform. I was a little worried when you didn’t post regularly after saying you would.
;-) 12.30.08 at 6:08 pm:
@Erin: You’re cool and all, but there’s no way I’m shaving my legs just to test out the razor. I’d mail the razor to you (paying for postage) before I’d do that!
Yeah, it was a “kill or be killed” situation. Thankfully, I got rid of the beard before it could get rid of me. It was a close call for a while there, I’m not gonna lie…
BTW: Time for you to update!
;-) 12.30.08 at 6:33 pm:
Well, whatever. It was worth a shot.
;-) 12.31.08 at 1:24 am:
Which one’s Lowell Mather again…? Is he the handsome older one or the annoying younger one?
;-) 12.31.08 at 10:51 am:
I hate disposable razors in general but that sounds like a particularly horrible razor you were using. I personally go for the Mach 3. It has served me well. I need a really good one that moisturizes because since I only ever have to shave my neck which is sensitive to razor burn.
Why am I talking about this on a public forum?
Anyway, I think you should bring back the beard. They’re just so dang…tough!
I had a teacher in high school who used the word “tough” to mean cool.
;-) 12.31.08 at 6:10 pm:
I use men’s razors….MUCH better than womens.
Once you shaved the beard off, did you find anything interesting in it? Like birds, or works of art…or even food?
One question: Is the beard ever coming back?
;-) 1.1.09 at 10:54 pm:
So in my estimation, you have blogged 3 times during this entire vacation. Two of those were music videos.
What gives, Batman?
;-) 1.6.09 at 12:40 pm:
Clearly you gals (and Kev) have never used a Venus! It’s the best ladies’ razor out there. I’ll never go back to …. whatever I used before.
I can’t believe your stupendous 16-day vacation is over, Kev! It just flew by!
Happy New Year, peeps!~
;-) 1.6.09 at 2:41 pm:
[...] blissfully long Christmas and New Year’s Day vacation is over. I’m back at work…dying a little [...]
;-) 1.8.09 at 11:51 pm:
That moisture strip is the bane of my existence. Isn’t it GROSS?? Who are they fooling with that? I’m sorry you had to endure that.
;-) 2.9.09 at 11:49 am:
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