I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
Partly because I have writer’s block and partly because her ex does this all the time and she seems to love it, I am stealing Angi’s blog idea and listing ten things I would like to do before I die. Prepare to be wowed, SKOS readers. It’s time to french kiss the sun.
1. I would like to make a snow angel. Yes, I realize this sounds lame, but as I’ve written about before snow seems to allude me year after year. I want snow. I want to walk around in it. I want to stick out my tongue and have snowflakes fall on it. I want to make a snowman and then set it on fire. I want to trick someone gullible into eating the yellow snow. In short, I want to live the dream.
2. I want to witness the Atlanta Braves winning another World Series. They won one, in 1995, when I was in college. But that was the only championship during their 1991-2005 streak of division titles. This fact makes me incredibly sad.
3. I want to see the Pacific Ocean. Among other things, this would make the Atlantic Ocean jealous.
4. I want to teach my children and my grandchildren (I currently have neither) how to catch, throw and hit a baseball. I also want to make sure they can spit with accuracy. It’s a baseball thing.
5. I want to write the next great American novel. Short of that, I’d just like to be published. Short of that, I’d like to sign the cast of some random kid with a broken arm.
6. I want to learn how to play a musical instrument — preferably either the piano or the guitar. Short of that, I’d like to learn how to play a mean triangle.
7. I want to be able to say, “I voted for the outspoken Christian candidate who had the conservative, Biblical values. You know, the guy who won the presidential election in a landslide.”
8. I want to visit Europe. If nothing else, I’m curious to see how their McDonald’s restaurants compare to ours.
9. I want to visit New York City. My mom has visited it once before and swears to me the streets do not smell like urine, but I need to see for myself.
10. I want to celebrate my 100th birthday.
And there you go. There are more things I want to do before I die, of course, but this is a good starter list. Okay, boys and girls, I challenge each and every one of YOU to write a similar list. Come on…it’ll be fun.
;-) 2.27.09 at 12:57 am:
Oh yeah, I just LOVE my material and ideas stolen.
Although, somehow it’s different when the person doing it is not on your @#$% list.
New York City streets don’t smell like urine. But the air vents in the streets do kinda smell like the sewer.
Did I mention it snowed here today…? Oh, and the Pacific Ocean trumps the Atlantic. I’ve never been to the Atlantic, but we have killer whales, so there.
;-) 2.27.09 at 1:02 am:
@Angi: Wha? And here I thought you liked it when you-know-who stole your material.
So, you say the streets don’t smell like urine, but you admit the air vents smell like sewage. Yeah…it sounds like a splendid city.
Yes, you mentioned it snowed (grrrrrrr). If you’ve never been to the Atlantic, how do you know the Pacific trumps it. That’s kind of like your saying grits are nasty when you’ve yet to try them. That’s right. I went there.
;-) 2.27.09 at 1:04 am:
I love it like I love a fork in my eyeball.
Exactly. But, you just don’t walk over the street vents, and you’re golden.
Because we have killer whales. Like, 30 minutes from my house. Well, assuming they swim along the shoreline, which they usually don’t, but they COULD, and then I’d have wild killer whales 30 minutes from my house. Show me someone in, like, Virginia or Maryland who has a killer whale swim by their house.
;-) 2.27.09 at 1:11 am:
@Angi: You love forks in your eyeball? You’re an odd one, Ang.
How easy is it to avoid the street vents? In my head, I imagine NYC to be one gigantic street vent.
That’s not a good reason. For one thing, killer whales are great big fakes. There’s nothing “killer” about them. They might as well call themselves teddy bear whales. Second, we used to have killer whales here in the Atlantic, but we killed them all. We southerners like whale meat in our grits, you see.
;-) 2.27.09 at 1:30 am:
Oh yeah. Killer whales are TOTAL teddy bears.
There’s orcas in the Atlantic still. If you move to, say, Norway, you’ll see quite a few of them.
;-) 2.27.09 at 7:49 am:
@Angi: I didn’t understand something you typed in the first comment. “@#$%” ? I think you might have “fat-fingered” that one. Could you try typing it again? mmmkay? Thanks.
@Kev: Cool. We share some of the same pre-death aspirations (I started to say “we share some of the same dreams, but ya know…yea, that sounds a little…yeeeah). I also want to write a book.
And I can teach you how to play guitar. Repeat after me: G, C, Em, D. That’s not all you need to know, but it’s most of it (thanks to today’s music).
ps: I only put cheese in my grits….and sometimes bacon…and sometimes eggs. Actually most of the time I mix everything else on my breakfast plate with my grits. I’m hungry.
;-) 2.27.09 at 9:37 am:
In no particular order:
I want to see Paris (France) and London (England) with my own eyes, in person.
I want to wear vintage Chanel in a size four.
I want to sit on a private balcony overlooking Paris (France) and converse for hours with Johnny Depp (and only Johnny Depp), while wearing vintage Chanel (me, not him … he can wear his hole-y jeans and a battered fedora).
I want to see all four of my children happily married.
I want to live in a highrise condo in Chicago with views of the skyline and the lake.
I want to write a novel and have it published.
I want to visit my father’s grave in Hollywood, California.
I want to inspire someone as I have been inspired.
I want to eat dinner at Tavern on the Green in Central Park, both in summer and winter.
I want to spend a week-long Christmas holiday in a huge window-walled lodge house with my entire (immediate) family, in a place where there is guaranteed to be a beautiful snowfall every day.
Only ten? *sigh*
;-) 2.27.09 at 2:31 pm:
tis true. the streets of famed NYC do not smell like urine.
tho on certain days [read: the weekend] they do smell strongly of beer, and we’ve already established that beer has a similar taste to cow urine, so there might be a faint connection.
Just fair warning.
;-) 2.27.09 at 3:11 pm:
#4 If you can get your kids to dangle the spit and then suck it back up then you win Dad of the Year.
;-) 2.28.09 at 8:22 am:
[...] at Special Kind of Stupid has written an interesting post called “10 Things To Do Before I Meet My Maker.” It was a fun read and caused me to ponder what pre-death aspirations I have. I just knew that all [...]
;-) 3.2.09 at 12:53 pm:
1. Have you ever made a snow angel or are you saying you want to make one because you haven’t made one, never, not even of any kind?
3. Would the Atlantic be jealous because you’ve seen it so it would feel like you were cheating on it by seeing the Pacific or because you haven’t seen the Atlantic either and your seeing the Pacific first would be envy-inducing for the Atlantic, particularly because of your proximity to it?
4. Regarding the spitting: girls too?
5. Ohhh, you’re kind of like my roommate. She’s the author of the unpublished, unfinished, unwritten Great American Novel.
8. The service is horrendous. It’s like they can’t understand what you’re saying so there’s lots of pointing and nodding. I mean, who does that? I’m speaking plain English for crying out loud.
Someday I want to:
1. Cross the International Date Line
2. Cross the Equator
3. See the Northern Lights from the North. Like, Scandinavia/Alaska/Canada/Russia north.
4. Visit Machu Picchu.
5. Visit all the continents except Antarctica. If I had a great opportunity to visit Antarctica I would go, but I’m not going to be upset if I never see it.
6. Crush grapes with my bare feet.
7. Live abroad for more than one year.
8. Learn two foreign languages. Or even just one.
9. Get married.
10. Swim with a dolphin, if that is allowed. I’m a pretty fast swimmer, so I could probably keep up haha.
;-) 3.2.09 at 9:07 pm:
Hmm…we have a lot of yellow snow around here that you could play with. Wait, did you say you wanted to make a yellow snow angel? Or just a regular one?