While texting back and forth with a friend during this year’s Oscars (yes, I was that bored), I told said friend that I should have done a “live blog” here on SKOS for the event. I should have written a new blog post and every time I had a witty (or witless) thought about something inexplicable that happened, I should have updated the post in real time for my readers to see.

Granted, maybe one or two people would have actually followed the darn thing “live”, but at least it would have given me something mildly entertaining to do.

Fast forward to today. I am bored out of my mind with little to do. Seems like a perfect time to try out this “live blogging” thing, don’t you think?

9:07 AM

My head is killing me. My head was killing me all day yesterday and I woke up today with my head still killing me. Apparently, it takes a long time for me to die. I’m tough like that.

9:19 AM

Yesterday, despite it being the Monday after “spring forward”, I chose not to have a single drop of caffeine all day.

I was an idiot.

Today, I am making no such mistake. Coffee is good. Coffee is my friend. Coffee understands me. If I had an ounce of musical ability, I would write a song about coffee.

I’m making googly eyes at my cup of coffee. This isn’t good…

10:11 AM

I don’t believe it. The stock market is actually up right now. Heck, the Dow is up over 200 points. Has Obama finally saved us? (tries to control laughter)

10:49 AM

I actually had a guy leave me a comment earlier this morning. It’s been pointed out to me on a number of occasions that my readers are predominately female. And by “predominately” I mean “Josh and Steve are the only guys who ever leave me comments.”

I wonder why that is? Any thoughts, people? And by “people” I mean “ladies.”

I think I’ll give this topic a blog post of its own one day soon…

11:31 AM

Either someone stole my coffee while my back was turned, or I’ve finished all of the caffeine goodness and need to refill my cup.

I assume it’s the latter, but I’m setting up bear traps all over my office just in case it’s the former.

12:25 PM

I have felt “blah” for several days now. It’s lunch time, but I don’t feel like eating. Yesterday I felt the same way. I’d blame it on having a case of the Mondays, but rumor has it you can get your $%# kicked for saying something like that. Also, it’s not Monday.

Is there such a thing as having a case of the blahs?

12:42 PM

I’ve just noticed that no one has commented on this blog yet. Far as I can tell, no one has even read it. It therefore stands to reason that no one is reading these words I’m writing right now, and yet I am writing them anyway. Does this make me crazy? I’m not crazy, am I? Shhhhh, Kev, you’re not crazy. Okay, good. I was worried there for a second.

It would appear a better use of my time would be playing Pictionary with some blind kids.

1:51 PM

As I’m listening to the musical stylings of Scott Weiland on my iPod, a thought occurred to me: I would be a horrible rock star.

Seriously, touring the world and playing on stage every night for a capacity crowd? No thank you. I’ll travel the world, but I want to see the sights and sip coffee all day long.

Now, if my fans don’t mind keeping quiet and following me around all day, that might work. In between sips of coffee, I might pick up my guitar and sing a few tunes. Of course, after a few minutes of this I would want to get up and go somewhere else. When I get to my next destination, wherever that may be, I might sing a few more songs.

If I feel like it.

And if my fans aren’t cool with this arrangement, I’ll just cancel the darn tour. I’ll go on a vacation. And by “vacation” I mean I’ll tour the world and sip on coffee all day long.

2:20 PM

I don’t know why, but drinking four cups of coffee makes me have to go to the restroom.

I don’t pretend to understand the science behind it, but methinks it has something to do with coffee being super awesome and my having to let out some of the awesome before I explode.

3:01 PM

I think my feet are growing. Is this normal? I’m a grown man — shouldn’t my feet have stopped growing by now?

My size 13 Nike Air running shoes are too small. If I wear them for any reason other than hanging around the house, my feet hurt. And I just noticed that the dress boots I’m wearing right now are a little more snug than they used to be.

I don’t want to buy new shoes. I like my shoes. Plus, I’m frugal and shoes cost money.

I only have one recourse: I’m going to have to lose a few toes.

4:12 PM

Wow, the Dow ended up 379 points today. Too bad these gains will likely be lost tomorrow or Thursday by traders who merely wanted to make a quick buck.

Of course, I could be wrong. Maybe Obama really did save us?

Haha! It gets funnier every time I say it!!

5:09 PM

I can’t believe I haven’t eaten all day. Is this what it feels like to be anorexic? If so, I don’t like it. About an hour ago, after not being hungry all day, I suddenly became famished. But since it’s so close to dinner time I’m trying to overcome the hunger pains.

It’s not easy. On my desk, I have some BBQ sauce leftover from lunch one day at Chick-fil-a. It’s staring at me. Taunting me. I’d help myself to it, but I’m afraid the moment I do a co-worker will come into my office for my chat.

I don’t want to be known as “that guy who was licking a BBQ sauce packet.” As nicknames go, that one sucks.

5:43 PM

To those who are curious as to what I would have said had I actually done a live blog for this year’s Oscars, allow me to give you a few examples:

“Why isn’t Steve Martin hosting? This is inexplicable.”

“What is Sarah Jessica Parker wearing? It’s inexplicable.”

“Why is Jessica Biel on stage? She shouldn’t be allowed to watch the Oscars much less get on stage and talk to the audience? Who’s next — Bill Maher? This is inexplicable.”

In short, I would have said “inexplicable” a lot.

Wasn’t that fun? No? Well, I’m gonna do it again anyway.