It’s April Fool’s Day.
As such, I’m sure most of you regulars are expecting me to do something big and over the top. After all, it was on last April Fool’s Day that I wrote four works of satire for a personal finance blog of all things. “Surely Kev has something ridiculous in store for today,” you’re probably thinking.
Here’s the thing.
It’s more or less April Fool’s every day of the year here at SKOS. Seriously, just think back to some of the stuff I’ve written in the past year.
I wrote about how the Atlanta Braves were going to be facing a pitcher who was also a brain-eating zombie.
I talked about how I am able to get over concussions and the bird flu simply by thinking awesome thoughts.
I wrote a letter asking parents to stop expecting me to teach their children how to properly act in society.
I wrote a news story about how the artist currently and formerly known as Prince was brutally attacked by an assailant that just happens to look a lot like me.
I gave some tips to teachers that included, among other things, shooting rubber bands at the heads of students and telling them you once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
I wrote about how leather chaps will always and forever be in style.
I compared SKOS to the movie The Ring and told readers they would die if they didn’t tell other people about the site.
I wrote about how a Freddie Prinze Jr. movie is responsible for the plague that is the Obama presidency.
I gave dating advice and offered the following gold nugget of relationship wisdom: “People respect people who do not respect people’s boundaries.”
I gave advice to a mom who didn’t like the loser her daughter was dating. My advice? Kill the boyfriend, go to prison, and let me date her daughter.
I revealed a number of tidbits about myself, including the one about how the future homecoming queen at my high school drove me to our junior prom because I did not yet have my driver’s license. No one seems to believe this actually happened.
I created a series of comic strips. One of them depicted Satan and Obama having dinner together and being on the verge of making out.
See what I mean?
April Fool’s Day to a site like mine is like Halloween to a vampire or Columbus Day to Christopher Columbus.
(In short, I totally would have participated this year, but I just couldn’t think of anything funny.)