I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
It’s April Fool’s Day.
As such, I’m sure most of you regulars are expecting me to do something big and over the top. After all, it was on last April Fool’s Day that I wrote four works of satire for a personal finance blog of all things. “Surely Kev has something ridiculous in store for today,” you’re probably thinking.
Here’s the thing.
It’s more or less April Fool’s every day of the year here at SKOS. Seriously, just think back to some of the stuff I’ve written in the past year.
April
I wrote about how the Atlanta Braves were going to be facing a pitcher who was also a brain-eating zombie.
May
I talked about how I am able to get over concussions and the bird flu simply by thinking awesome thoughts.
June
I wrote a letter asking parents to stop expecting me to teach their children how to properly act in society.
July
I wrote a news story about how the artist currently and formerly known as Prince was brutally attacked by an assailant that just happens to look a lot like me.
August
I gave some tips to teachers that included, among other things, shooting rubber bands at the heads of students and telling them you once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
September
I wrote about how leather chaps will always and forever be in style.
October
I compared SKOS to the movie The Ring and told readers they would die if they didn’t tell other people about the site.
November
I wrote about how a Freddie Prinze Jr. movie is responsible for the plague that is the Obama presidency.
December
I gave dating advice and offered the following gold nugget of relationship wisdom: “People respect people who do not respect people’s boundaries.”
January
I gave advice to a mom who didn’t like the loser her daughter was dating. My advice? Kill the boyfriend, go to prison, and let me date her daughter.
February
I revealed a number of tidbits about myself, including the one about how the future homecoming queen at my high school drove me to our junior prom because I did not yet have my driver’s license. No one seems to believe this actually happened.
March
I created a series of comic strips. One of them depicted Satan and Obama having dinner together and being on the verge of making out.
See what I mean?
April Fool’s Day to a site like mine is like Halloween to a vampire or Columbus Day to Christopher Columbus.
It’s boring.
It’s crass.
It’s laaaaaaaame.
(In short, I totally would have participated this year, but I just couldn’t think of anything funny.)
;-) 4.1.09 at 6:13 pm:
Aww, I was expecting some really big joke played on all of your readers.
I celebrated today by writing an article on a study that showed staring at a woman’s breasts helps men live longer.
Yes, it was a hoax.
;-) 4.1.09 at 6:21 pm:
@Diana: Sorry to disappoint! No worries, though. Knowing me, I’ll decide to play a joke on my readers on some OTHER day. You know…when all of you are least expecting it.
In the off-chance you’re teasing me, I’m going to pretend that article wasn’t a hoax.
;-) 4.1.09 at 10:47 pm:
Awww…I remember all of these posts. You’re right…they are all “April Fool’s Day” like. ; )
At least you didn’t put a lame joke up like they did at work today. We have flat screens up everywhere where they put “pertinent” information for everyone to see. So they put “free coffee and doughnuts in the breakroom @ 10:30″ up on the screen. Then it said “Happy April Fool’s Day” ….hahhaha, isn’t that so funny! (insert sarcasm) They did the same thing last year…people don’t fall for that stuff 2 years in a row.
;-) 4.2.09 at 9:47 am:
Has it been ONE YEAR since you wrote that financial thingie? Seems like yesterday. My life is melting away like an ice cube in a blast furnace …
;-) 4.2.09 at 9:51 am:
What Audrey ISN’T telling you about her hysterically funny workplace is her habit of “fooling” people by using TWO packets of coffee in the coffeemaker instead of ONE packet like everyone is expecting.
One day some caffeine-sensitive soul posted a sign on the cabinet over the coffeemaker: “ONE PACKET OF COFFEE PER POT = HAPPY EMPLOYEES.”
By the next morning someone (not Audrey) had vandalized the sign by marking through the words ONE PACKET OF COFFEE PER.
;-) 4.2.09 at 12:15 pm:
Hmm. This was a clip show. I usually don’t like them because they are just filler and show the scenes that have been on all the commercials and they are so stale. However, yours were new to me. I proclaim this clip show to be acceptable. Thanks Kev!
;-) 4.2.09 at 12:51 pm:
@Audrey: I don’t think my writing is actually THAT silly until I do something like this (go through my archives, pick out the craziest ones, etc.). How any of you can ever take me seriously after reading those 12 posts above is beyond me.
Haha, yeah, that’s a pretty lame April Fool’s joke. They’d have felt pretty bad if some guy took it seriously, made a mad dash to the break room, and hurt some poor individual who happened to be in his path. Of course, had that happened, THEN it would have been funny!
@Jenny: Yep, a whole year. Time flies, huh?
Haha. Here we always put two packets of coffee per pot. What good is coffee without extra caffeine?!
Oh, and are you SURE it wasn’t Audrey who vandalized the sign? I’d check her purse for drugs if I were you…just to be safe.
@Sarah: Haha. Yeah, you got me. I hate clip shows, too. BUT, I assumed a majority of these would be new to a lot of you. Some of my readers have been with me a while, but you, Kevin, Diana, gianna and company are fairly new.
;-) 4.5.09 at 2:28 am:
I, on the other hand, enjoy clip shows.
“Let’s probe into Commander Riker’s brain and make him think of happy moments from the last two years… Oh no! That’s not working! Let’s make him think of sad moments from the last two years.”
Or better yet,
“Hey, Michelle! Remember all the fun times with Uncle Jesse and uncle Joey?”