For this latest edition of Dear Reader, I will try to help an individual who either worships Satan or who openly mocks Satan’s artistic abilities — I’m not sure which. At 1:17 PM on April 1, 2009, a visitor from Israel stumbled upon my site after asking the following question:

“why is satan allways drawen so stupid”

A big thanks to Google for referring this reader to me.

Dear Reader,

I’m much too nice of a guy to openly mock your spelling and grammar. Someone less nice would point out the multiple misspellings in your Google search, but not me. Nope, that’s not my game.

What I will say is your…um, interesting choice of letter usage has caused me to be unsure of precisely what you were asking. Are you asking why Satan is always drawn stupid, or why Satan is always drawing stupid?

If it’s the former, I assume you are a Satan worshiper who doesn’t appreciate the way people depict your evil master in drawings. My comic strip of a cartoon Satan and Obama on a date would be a good example.

If it’s the latter, I assume you are an art critic who has seen some of Satan’s drawings.

Assuming the former, have you taken a good look at your evil master lately?

Come on, man. The guy is red and has horns coming out of his head! Do you know how hard it is to draw something red with horns and NOT have it look stupid? It’s pretty darn difficult.

And what’s with the pitchfork he’s always carrying around with him? Do you expect us artists to simply OMIT it when we depict him in a drawing? Not happening, buddy.

And don’t get me started on his goatee. We get it. You’re evil. Blah, blah, blah. Goatees might look cool in real life, but it’s hard to draw one and not have it look stupid.

Look, we don’t tell you how to kiss Satan’s a** do we? And we don’t tell him how to be all dark and evil, right? We don’t tell you how to do your job, so you don’t tell us how to do our job.

Got it?

Good.

Now, assuming it’s the latter, I couldn’t agree with you more. Satan’s an artistic hack who most definitely shouldn’t quit his day job.

Why we let him design our mascot for the 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta is beyond me.

God is awesome,

kev

What sort of advice would YOU have given our friend/enemy here? As always, leave lots of and lots of comments — one or two or ten, preferrably.