I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
On the heels of yesterday’s hard-hitting blog post that delved deep into the swine-flu pandemic issue, I present to you all a story that will someday be used as evidence when I sue mankind for hurting my head with its stupidity.
The World Health Organization (WHO) announced Thursday it will would stop using the term “swine flu” to avoid confusion over the danger posed by pigs. The policy shift came a day after Egypt began slaughtering thousands of pigs in a misguided effort to prevent swine flu.
“Rather than calling this swine flu … we’re going to stick with the technical scientific name H1N1 influenza A,” (WHO spokesman Dick) Thompson said.
That’s right.
Despite the fact anyone who has read more than a few sentences of information on swine flu knows that pigs do not have the virus and humans cannot catch it by eating pork, Egypt began slaughtering roughly 300,000 pigs on Wednesday in an attempt at preventing swine flu.
This is arguably the stupidest thing Egypt has done since Pharaoh repeatedly refused to let God’s people go.
On behalf of guys everywhere named Kevin, I’m glad they didn’t name the virus “Kev flu.” I do sort of wish they had named the thing “Pauly Shore flu” or “Lindsay Lohan flu.” Wait, is that too mean? Sorry.
I hope there is no one out there with the name “H1N1 influenza A”, though. With the weird names parents give kids these days, it’s at least a possibility. I hope not, though, because — if so — that kid is screwed.
Of course, Egypt is not alone in its stupidity.
China, Russia, Ukraine and several other nations have banned pork exports from Mexico and parts of the United States. Why? Because they think they’ll catch swine flu from the pork.
Even world-renowned genius Paris Hilton is confused. When asked if she was concerned about the swine flu virus, Paris explained she was not due to the fact, “I don’t eat that.”
My head is starting to throb…
Your honor, I rest my case.
;-) 4.30.09 at 5:46 pm:
Pauly Shore Flu = too mean. Let’s face it, he’s been dealt a tough hand. The hair alone deserves our pity.
Lindsay Lohan Flu = brilliant!
Or Paris Hilton Flu. (P.S. It’s nice to know she has some standards)
;-) 4.30.09 at 6:14 pm:
Interesting that they’re deciding not to call it “swine flu”, since EVERY SINGLE NEWS ARTICLE I’VE SEEN TODAY has had “swine flu” in the headline.
Dumb. I think the “swine” part makes it more believable though.
I’m going to start saying it before every sickness. “I have a swine migraine today…I may be out for a week.” And the gasps of sympathy will make me grin.
;-) 4.30.09 at 8:35 pm:
I have been trying to get “Scarlet Fever” renamed to “Kevin’s Fever” for years now. Perhaps I should stop my efforty.
;-) 5.1.09 at 9:00 am:
Proving once again, stupidity is contagious … and deadly.
Personally, I would call it JoeBidenTheGaffeinator Flu, but that’s just me.
;-) 5.1.09 at 12:35 pm:
The Lindsay Lohan Flu could only be transmitted by eating, well, let’s just say that she was dating a girl until recently so dray your own conclusion about what it is she was eating…
;-) 5.1.09 at 2:36 pm:
They should just give it a great name and then maybe people wouldn’t be so averse to dying from it. I wouldn’t. Swine flu? Give me a vaccination. Whooping Cough? Hm, sounds fun; I’ll take my chances.
Kev, I think you just need to have another contest and let your readers re-name the swine flu. The winner gets a vaccination.
;-) 5.4.09 at 10:44 am:
The sad thing is, Egypt is just using this as an excuse to hurt Christians. The only people owning pigs are non-Muslims, since Muslims don’t eat pork. Not only is the livelihood of many people being taken away, but the pigs also help get rid of a lot of organic waste as well. Garbage may pile up, but at least they won’t have pigs or Christians around. It really is a pretty smart move on the government’s part to take advantage of a “swine” flu. Killing 2 /birds/ with one stone, really–or I could be really cheesy and say /pigs/ : )