I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
I am currently looking for a new place to live.
As a single guy, I don’t need much. Do I have a place to park my car? Is there a place to put my television? Does it have a bathroom?
In short, guys are pretty easy.
(For the purpose of this blog post, we will pretend I am your garden-variety, single guy. In other words, there will be no mention of how I need a dining room big enough for the antique table I bought three years ago. Or how I would like a kitchen with lots of storage and counter space because I have awesome culinary skills. Or how it would be nice if I could find a place with a deck, balcony or porch so I could sit outside in the shade and watch the squirrels run around and the birds sing their bird-y songs. Ah, little bluebird, your voice lifts my soul…)
Of course, as a single (manly) guy who does not wish to remain a single guy until the end of time, I have to consider the female perspective.
What would a lady I am entertaining think of the place?
(So that no one gets the wrong idea, I mean “entertaining” in the most wholesome way possible. For example, we might watch a movie together on my couch. Or we’ll have dinner together while sitting on the antique table I bought three years ago. Or we’ll sit outside on my deck and watch it rain while anxiously waiting for Captain Jack Bluebird to make an appearance and treat us to a song. Or I’ll show her the Nobel Prize I won.)
A guy can look at a place and think, “Hey, this isn’t so bad.” A woman can look at the same place and think, “What circle of Hades is this!?”
I’m not an expert on women, but methinks it’s a bad sign if the lady you are trying to woo thinks of Dante’s Inferno when she walks through your front door.
Of course, it’s one thing to know your place needs to be female friendly. It’s quite another thing to know what exactly makes a place female friendly.
So, beyond “needs actual toilet instead of men’s urinal” and “no signs that say ‘no girls allowed’”, I don’t have the foggiest clue what makes a home or apartment friendly to females.
That’s why I need all of your (my readers) help. An overwhelming majority of you are female. Therefore, it stands to reason you should have at least a tiny inkling what would make a place female friendly.
Share this information with me perhaps you will?
If you have some helpful advice (or even unhelpful advice for comedic purposes), feel free to share it by leaving a comment or two or ten below. Any crazy girl who agrees to go out with me one day will be most thankful for your input!
;-) 5.20.09 at 5:49 pm:
Clean floors. If carpet- no stains. No peeling walls. No Scarface posters. Natural light is good.
;-) 5.20.09 at 9:48 pm:
The solution for me was easy. I just got married. Now my wife takes care of making my home female friendly.
Hope that helps!
;-) 5.20.09 at 9:59 pm:
Decent neighborhood, one a single girl wouldn’t mind getting in or out of her car at night. As for the inside, just clean and MOST OF ALL, no weird smells!
;-) 5.20.09 at 10:40 pm:
Okay, Okay..I’m here to rescue you…
1. Hardwood floors are a big PLUS. (Why?) First, you don’t have to worry about stained carpet. You can easily clean those floors with a handy Swiffer.
2. Are there plenty of electrical outlets? This is needed for air fresheners and so you can plug lamps in for soft lighting at night.
3. Is there plenty of counter space? There is nothing that irks me more than not having enough counter space when cooking. I have lived in an apartment for 4 years now with bare minimal counter space. Grrr…
4. Are there Whirlpool appliances? These are the best. I work at Whirlpool so I am biased. If you need some I can get you a discount… lol ; )
;-) 5.21.09 at 1:03 am:
Hook everything up to clappers. I mean EVERYTHING.
“Would you care for a drink?” — *clapclap* — (The blender starts…)
It’s classy.
;-) 5.21.09 at 6:00 am:
I have but one recommendation and it has nothing to do with the house. It has to do with you. There is exactly one thing that drives me insane about living with a man. If you don’t clean up crumbs or spills you make when preparing food, it will send most women over the edge.
There. Easy.
;-) 5.21.09 at 2:11 pm:
@Sarah: Hold the phone. You mean girls don’t like Scarface posters?? Is this because women like Robert Deniro better?
@Josh: Ah, it’s all so simple! Why didn’t I think of that before?! Haha.
@Z: Clean…no weird smells…safe neighborhood. Gotcha. Hopefully the “grandma’s house” smell on most of my furniture has faded…
@Audrey: Haha. Thanks for rescuing me!
1. I love hardwood floors (for all the reasons you stated plus more). The place I saw a few days ago had hardwood floors in PART of the house. The place I’m seeing tonight I’m unsure about, but you’d think the lady on the phone would have mentioned it if they DID have them. :-/
2. I’ll be on the lookout for electric outlets! Do girls like vanilla? That’s my favorite air freshener scent.
3. A big amen on counter space. The place I’m checking out tonight was built in 1956, so unless the kitchen has been updated I’m not holding out much hope for lots of counter space. *fingers crossed*
4. Haha. A discount, eh? I like the sound of that.
@Kevin: That is an AWESOME idea! Gosh, I’d have to beat the women off with a stick if I did that. (I’d have “the stick” also hooked up to a clapper, of course.)
@Kathy: So you’re saying I could have the greatest place on earth, but if I’m lax when it comes to cleaning up crumbs or spills I make it will all be for naught? Interesting. I will take your suggestion under advisement.
;-) 5.22.09 at 4:23 pm:
[...] with the feedback given to me by readers for what makes a place female friendly, I have been on the hunt for a new [...]
;-) 5.22.09 at 5:54 pm:
Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Crumbs make all the difference. Or lack thereof. Trust me.
;-) 5.23.09 at 12:01 pm:
*clap clap*
clapclapclapclapclap
who turned on the automatic applause machine???
i could see problems with hooking EVERYTHING up to clappers….
but i really approve of the hardwood floors and lots of counter space.
happy house-hunting!
i also think most girls like rooms with lots of open space and windows. but that’ll depend on each girl’s individual sense of style. so maybe just giving her a clean neat canvas to put her own mark on will be enough…