I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
Lately, based on what I’ve been blogging about, it’s probably seemed as though the only thing on my mind are these recent goals I’ve set for myself.
This is probably due to the fact the only thing on my mind lately are these recent goals I’ve set for myself.
It’s a tricky situation considering this is predominately a HUMOR site. If I spent the next 3-to-6 months talking about getting into great shape, improving my sense of fashion, getting a chance to remedy a first impression, and other (as of of yet) unnamed goals, all my male readers would leave. The only readers I’d have left would be women.
Actually, come to think of it, that really wouldn’t be any different than my CURRENT readership.
Hmmm.
Anyway, I’ll do my best to balance the deep and the funny. For example:
I swam laps for 90 minutes in my pool last night. It hasn’t yet been two weeks, but I can already tell I’m making improvements. I feel good. I can do this.
Plus, I’m pretty sure I’ve lost weight in my feet. My socks feel a little loose. Assuming feet are the first things girls notice about a guy, they’ll be beating down my door in no time.
See? It’s informative AND you’re left with thoughts of “this guy is nuts.”
It’s the perfect balance.
In other, related, news: my mom almost made me drown in the pool.
We were both swimming. As I tend to do lately (see above), I discussed these goals of mine. Specifically, I discussed my theory on why I am so focused when I’ve set a goal for myself, and why I tend to lose focus once I’ve met it.
“It’s like that Miley Cyrus song,” my mom casually states.
“It’s like the who what huh now,” I eloquently respond.
“That Miley Cyrus song. ‘The Climb.’ Have you ever heard it?”
“Um, sadly, yes I have,” I admit.
“You’re just like that song. You’re all about the journey, the climb.”
Apparently, not only do they play Miley Cyrus songs on country stations even though she isn’t country, they also play her songs on the oldies stations my mom listens to. If they start playing her songs on my ESPN Sports Radio station, someone is getting an angry letter written by yours truly.
I’d end with a sarcastic quip, but quite honestly I’m a tad embarrassed the lyrics to a Miley Cyrus song describe me so well.
;-) 7.14.09 at 2:36 pm:
I sent the following in a text message to my friend about a month ago: Things that are pissing me off today; road construction, traffic, Miley Cyrus.
Dude.
I can find you a way more manly song to describe your current situation, there’s no reason for you to admit to THAT song describing you, at all, ever.
Your man card is hereby revoked until further notice.
;-) 7.14.09 at 2:43 pm:
@Ronda: My MAN card has been revoked!? Good grief, the things I endure for the sake of comedy.
I hope I can get my man card back soon, though. We have our monthly “Man Club Meeting” in two weeks. They won’t let me in without my card. And if I don’t get in, how will I know what kind of crazy mind games we guys are supposed to play on women next month? Come on, I don’t want to be left out.
;-) 7.14.09 at 3:00 pm:
Write something more manly next time and you can have your card back.
Lord knows I do not want you to miss your “Seven NEW Ways To Screw Over The Women You Date” seminar, it sounds like it will be a good one
;-) 7.15.09 at 11:30 am:
Could be worse. Could be a Jonas Brothers song.
;-) 7.16.09 at 3:25 pm:
Thank God, I have never heard that song. I couldn’t identify Miley Cyrus’s voice if someone put a gun to my head and said “Identify her voice immediately or never lay eyes on Johnny Depp again.”
That would be a serious turn of events, my friend.
It’s raining here. Just thot I’d throw that in. It’s sort of news.
Back to the Cyrus thing … I’ve been working for 18 years to forget the one time I heard her father sing “Achy Breaky Heart.” I think it’s kind of sad that he reproduced himself musically.
I’m climbing too. Not very quickly and I think I have a rock in my shoe, but I’m climbing.
;-) 7.17.09 at 10:57 am:
@Ronda: They were only going to teach us FIVE new ways, but point taken.
@Sarah: I’m happy to state that while I have heard OF the Jonas Brothers, I couldn’t pick out a song of theirs if a gun was put to my head. I take comfort in the knowledge.
@Jenny: You’re not missing anything, believe me. I’m just amazed my mom has heard it. I should ask her “how” next time I see her.
Maybe I’m being harsh, but I think it’s kind of sad Billy Ray chose to reproduce AT ALL!
Glad to hear you’re climbing, too! Don’t worry about not doing it very quickly. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Maybe if I climbed behind you, while holding a radio playing Miley Cyrus up to your head, it’ll encourage you to pick up the pace! Haha.