WASHINGTON, D.C. – Upon learning of the surprising news that he had won the Nobel Peace Prize, President Obama thanked the Nobel committee for its refusal to be racist.

“Every day I have to deal with pundits who disagree with me and my policies based solely on the color of my skin,” remarked Obama.

“I commend the Nobel Prize committee for being color blind. I commend them for bestowing this honor upon me even though they knew critics would ridicule them for it. The critics who would say, ‘hey, he’s only been in office nine months.’ Or ‘he hasn’t even done anything yet.’ Or ‘this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.’

“I commend them and thank them. They recognized I truly deserved this, and didn’t let my ethnicity prevent them from giving me what is rightfully mine.”

The award has come after a series of racist slights the president has had to endure the past few months.

One week ago today, Obama learned the International Olympic Committee (IOC) was racist after it awarded Rio de Janeiro the 2016 Summer Olympics over Chicago, Obama’s home city.

“I couldn’t believe how blatantly racist the IOC was being,” sighed Obama.

Last month, Obama had to endure Republican congressman Joe Wilson of South Carolina shouting “you lie” during his speech on health care.

“Only a racist piece of scum would call me out like that when I’m lying,” noted Obama. “A non-racist would have let it go and let me have my way.”

Ever since July 14, when Democratic leaders in the Senate introduced the president’s 1,017 page plan for overhauling the country’s health care system, Obama has had to endure constant racism from both politicians and citizens who disapprove of the plan.

And in April, Obama was denied an honorary degree from Arizona State University because, according to the university, he was too inexperienced for such an honor.

“I have been called ‘inexperienced’ all my life,” admitted Obama. “You know what ‘inexperienced’ really means, right? It means ‘we are racists and we don’t like you.’”

The gold medal, diploma and $1.4 million Obama will receive for winning the Nobel Peace Prize helps lessen the sting of such recent events, but they don’t make up for a lifetime lived amidst racism and hatred.

“I have been on this planet for 48 years,” explained Obama. “I have had to endure my fair share of slights.

“As a freshman in high school, I had to endure a racist varsity basketball coach who didn’t put me on the team or make me the star player and captain even though my mom said I was better than anyone else on the team. In 2004, I had to run against Alan Keyes for the Illinois Senate. Keyes wasn’t even originally from Illinois — he just ran against me because he’s racist.

“And I’ll never forget the racism I felt on November 4, 2008. Instead of receiving 100% of the popular vote and all 538 electoral votes in the presidential election, I received only 52.9% and 365. I couldn’t believe how many racists there were in this country.”

Through it all, the president has remained tolerant — a character trait he wishes his critics possessed.

“I can handle people disagreeing with me,” noted Obama. “I just can’t handle racists, which is what these people who have the audacity to disagree with me clearly are.”